Jim Traficant

James Anthony Traficant Jr. better known as Jim to his friends, G-D by inmates that wanted a friendly cell-mate and didn't want to be nicknamed Teacup in the Mahoning County Jail. Others have called him a man among men, a boss of bosses and certain crowds would even describe him as, "That guy who can help with getting your problem fixed for a little something something," because the Feds had nicknamed him Rico, after the Federal law that deals with organized crime and racketeering.

Jim Traficant is perhaps, the last great native son from what now can only be described as the mediocre, rotting from within, former Great State of Ohio. Only able to produce such prosaic figures the likes of Drew Carey, Ed O'Neil and Katie Holmes, Jim Traficant has been elevated to the stuff of legends and has become a part of Ohio's collective unconscious, because as most students, from the state, can't name a President from Ohio, let alone tge current one, they all know who Jim Traficant is, usually answering with, "That Lulzy ass motherfucker that mooned Janet Reno during a congressional hearing."

Early Life

Jim Traficant grew up at the tail end of a growing enlightenment period in the modern age of Youngstown, Ohio history that is best known by the names given to it by historical experts such as Murdertown USA, Little Chicago and "If you're a Dago guinea wop greaseball goomba, you'll pay that Polack kid Ten Dollars to start your car if you're smart."

Being of Italian descent and born in a city where the average life span of anyone with a penis is 45 if they had no other options then to follow their family's blue collar traditions and pride that would take them down a road where they are slowly riddled with tumors until one day, they decide that the smart thing to do is get drunk and work up enough courage to stand on the guardrail of a bridge crossing a river and give themselves a shotgun dental exam. Hopefully, if they did it right, they'll fall into the river, float far enough downstream so the gun is lost and when their body is found, it looks more like a murder instead of a suicide earning their family a double pay-out on their life insurance.

Facing few options, Jim Traficant realized what many kids in his same predicament do and that's the only way for someone from his upbringing and societal value to make money is by either being a Cop or by getting involved in organized crime. Looking to hedge his bets, Jim decided on both.

It was during his tenure as Sheriff of Mahoning County Ohio that Traficant upset the ^✡Jews^✡ bankers when he became a National Hero by refusing to execute foreclosure orders on unemployed homeowners, hoping to buy tgem enough time to find work and catch up on their mortage. Fearing that they might have another messianic hero on their hands who might become an exampke for other Sheriffs to refuse to uphold their sworn duties, the Jews in charge had Traficant charged with racketeering and accepting charges in 1983.

Traficant, representing himself, became a cult hero when he represented himself and was acquitted of all charges when he claimed that he accepted the bribes only as part of his own alleged secret undercover investigation into corruption, becoming the only person in Americunt History to win a Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO) case while representing himself.

Embrassing the loyalty of his new found acolytes that revered him for his victory against The US Justice Department's attempted crucifixion, Traficant decided to ride their exaltation straight into a place where men of his character are always the norm. In a "Beverly Hillbillies" style montage and Jim playing out a few of his favorite scenes from the original version of Walking Tall, he took it straight to D.C. when he was elected to the House Of Represenatives where he fathered the whole Blue Collar And Proud Of It scene that became popular in the 1980s as jobs were being sent to China.