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DJ
Disk Jockeys (more like dick jockeys, amirite?) have been invented to destroy what was otherwise known as perfectly good music. While the term refers to vinyl records, its common knowledge DJ's only download and cut up MP3's with their midi controllers. The actual art of placing a needle on a piece of vinyl has been long gone, and nothing of value was lost.
Most DJ's have self indulgent personality, and jack off to pictures taken in the mirror by themselves. That is, at least, according to Henry Rollins. Another myth is that DJ's get girls easily, which is entirely untrue since DJ's are nerds.
Playing Beatmania doesn't make you a DJ. In addition, playing DJ Hero makes you miss the point entirely. Here is an overview of various kinds of DJ's, which you might or might not relate to. We don't care. FUCK THATS SO GOOD!
This is how you DJ.
Types of DJ's
Radio DJ
Known for their irritating banter and completely static playlists, radio DJs don't do any work anymore. Their job consists out of checking if the next song starts in time. When it fails, they'll cry about it while *LIVE ON THE AIR*. Being a radio DJ requires the least skill and talent of all DJ variants. Basically anyone makes a great candidate for becoming the most popular DJ on international radio. glenn beck managed to do it, and that says all. Most broadcasting companies have given up on DJs completely and simply plugged an iPodShuffle and a voice synthesizer into their transmitters. At least voice synthesizers can make funny jokes all by themselves.
College Radio DJ
Radio DJ + stuttering + eating with an open mic *LOUD* + swearing + being generally more uncool. Not really worth mentioning, but this is an Encyclopedia, so we pretty much have to.
Rave DJ
If you want to hear the same drumbeat for eight hours straight, then you're looking for a rave DJ. They play many styles of repetitive music which are essentially the same but they fight over which is which, so much that they never have time to make up a playlist and just spin whatever they find in their record crate. Rave DJs only use vinyl and will argue about it for hours, since vinyl sounds "warmer" which is audiophile for "I think I listen to better music than you do." The *actual* reason vinyl sounds "warmer" is because vinyl sucks balls at reproducing higher frequencies, but don't tell them.
This sort of vinyl vs not vinyl argument can be found on every page any DJ forum, where oldfagdjs will whine incessantly about how new technologies are killing djing, and people should stop using them. Just fucking download your MP3's and mix them together in anything: sounds better.
For more information, please visit Ibiza.
Armchair DJ
With the advent of incredibly powerful computer technology (such as DDR) it's become possible for just about anyone to be a DJ. Pirate some software and make your own mixes out of shitty J-Pop and Punk while not paying any attention to the the tempo or melodies. You'll have people listening to your Shoutcast stream in no time! Note that armchair dj isn't plural: the other arm can be used to fap.
iPod DJ
While Radio DJ's might be a low breed of musicians, the lower class, the infinite low, the ones Scraping at the bottom of the shitbarrel. Using their ultimate attention whore accessory, they'll be the center of the club. Mostly they are just dumb fucks with no skillz and deserve to die alone. Protip: if you wanna become a DJ, just don't do this!
Popular DJ Names
If you wanna pick a dj name, just select one of these and you'll be an instant hit!!! Don't forget to prefix your name with DJ: otherwise it wouldn't be clear when you're behind the decks.
- DJ FrankFurter
- DJ LOOKATME
- DJ Muppetfucker
- DJ Tiesto 2
- DJ stitch
- DJ rapekit (srsly)
- DJ Scratchatory Rape
- DJ Backspin, Scratch, Flip, Cut, Speaker, Sound, Fader, Killswitch, <any dj term here>
- DJ Dream
- DJ DerpAlot
- DJ Pedo
- Dj Didier
- DJ Krijn
- DJ ... you name it
Typical DJ Videos
DJ Fuckhead... No nO nO NO talent... Previous Video | Next Video |
Gallery
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The greatest DJ of them all... BIKECAT!! -
teh ladiez can DJ too! -
This guy is DJing by hitting his spacebar. -
The only respectable reason to become a DJ.
DeadJournal
It's like LiveJournal with approximately 98.87656766576786870705816% more goths. As with Rave DJs, most goths also prefer vinyl, for different reasons. See also Girlvinyl.
See Also
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DJ is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |