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Achaea
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Add pixplzkthnx to Achaea Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix.Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix. |
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Achaea is going to be fixed up later... So stay tuned! |
Created in 1995 by a basement dweller named Matthew Mihaly, CEO of Iron Realms Entertainment, Achaea is the "#1 MUD" according to Top MUD Sites. With a rabid cult-like fanbase of 4,000 users, Achaea's homosexuality is quickly spreading across the internets.
Types of People That Play Achaea
- Furries - There's a race of cat-people, a race of lizard-people, even races of frog and insect people.
- Otherkin - The goal of the game is to become a dragon at LVL 99.
- Wapanese
- LARPers
- All basement dwellers not already covered by the above.
Trolling Achaea
- Create an account on their forums and post Jack Sparrow spoilers and lolicon. They get extremely offended.
- While playing, use the command "adjustme" (no quotes).
- Talk about IRL topics in-game, such as football, your new Xbox 360, or your favorite car. They will deem you to be OOC and/or "insane".
How Achaea Works
Matthew Mihaly decided to pull off the ultimate internets scam - making people pay irl money for "credits" which buy everything in the game up to and including houses, pets, unique weapons, combat skills and even the ability to tailor your own clothing. This is pretty gay, considering the game is 99.9% text and anyone willing to spend $600 on a sword in a game is a complete fucktard.
It is a known fact though that the Achaean credit system was created by notable Jew Bernie Madoff. The cheapest package is 15 credits for $9.99, the most expensive being 2,000 credits at a whopping $579.99. Players of Achaea justify these ridiculous prices by spouting lines such as "bUt itz bettaR th3n bUyiNg cRaCK lolz!" What they don't realize is that if you need to spend your birthday money on a text adventure to avoid smoking crack, you're a fucking moron who needs to die slowly.
Playing Achaea
Playing Achaea is a full-time job. In order to not be trolled off the game, you have to prove yourself to the asspies who lead your city by spending long hours reading their shitty game history and then sitting for an in-game exam and an interview conducted by a player who spent over 9000 hours just coming up with exam questions. Until you pass each exam and interview, the players who outrank you will go apeshit if you use your class powers because you aren't zesty. Advancing to the highest rank requires a master's thesis in the game's history and that you sit for a bukkake session with the admins and your city's leaders. Refusing to obey the people who outrank you in your guild or city is considered an act of sedition.
Once you pass through all of the ranks, you're free to play a shitty game with a shitty combat system where people just load scripts to auto-attack enemies and auto-use one of hundreds of potions, herbs, and psychedelic drugs designed to recover one or two status effects each. The object of combat is to outlast your opponent's supply of recovery items by having more recovery items than they do.
If you don't like the game or decide to quit, the people who play religiously will tell you that it's because Achaea is just like real life and that if you can't handle playing Achaea and following their rules, then there is no way that you can handle real life. This doesn't make any sense because the people who play Achaea are basement dwellers who can't go outside because they burn in natural light.
Lulz in Achaea?
Contrary belief, not ALL Achaeans are faggots. Many of them enjoy spending their time harassing a fellow player who goes by the name "Carmell". Controversy also sparked one afternoon when a player under the name of "Cambreed" decided to start his own "Unofficial Forumz", where he posted a number of illegal things including software cracks, naked pix and IRL information on Achaea staff.
Lulz are tracked by the Dramachaea website.
Notable Players
- Talkaze - Crazy fat 16 year old girl that also happens to want to be a Something Awful goon. She is engaged to an equally disgusting guy who makes less than seven dollars an hour at some dead-end movie theatre job while urinating in the popcorn. And Talkaze. She annoys everyone, Achaean or goon, with her endless banter about anime and shit nobody cares about. Particularly lol-worthy are her "debates" on the Achaea forums, where she denies evolution and supports furry rights.
- Lielrae - Crazy, not quite as fat as Talkaze. Lielrae's claim to fame comes from an mp3 of another Achaean reading her and her long-distance e-boyfriend's horrible cybersex log in funny voices and then the mp3 getting posted in the Achaean forums. While at first she acted cool, she eventually freaked out, threw a hissy fit, and quit Achaea (although most people that "quit" Achaea are like people who "quit" smoking). There is a YTMND of the incident that includes a picture of her and an mp3 of the cybersex log.
Achaea's Administrators
Keeping with the subhuman fantasy land, Achaea has many admins who take on the guise of gods and have their fat, overinflated egos fed by thousands of basement dwellers who are willing to worship stupid admins.
Further Lulz
Upon realizing Achaea had made him at least 1,000,000 dollars, Archadmin Matt decided to pass complete control of Achaea to his azn girlfriend, Maya, whose recent weight spurts are quickly rivaling Girlmecha's.
As of January 11th, 2008, Matt also made the decision to step down as the president of Iron Realms Entertainment to focus on their splinter company Sparkplay Media and its flagship production of furfaggotry, Earth Eternal. Make sure to register for their free furfaggotry game so you can tell them all about Matt's desire for cat cocks.
Besides Achaea, Iron Realms Entertainment also has a few other gay games:
Aetolia, the Midnight Age - where roleplayers go to play a vampire, a werewolf, and generally go to stroke their e-peen about how awesome their cybersex skills are. Reminding them of any of this will lead to butthurt and the banhammer, but the admin are too lazy to permaban an IP address.
Imperian, the Something or Other - where basement dwellers with tiny cocks go to use their imaginary magic swords to kill each other. Most of the lulz from this game can be found on the game's forums, where you'll find people BAWWWing about how every class but theirs is overpowered. Pointing out that half the admin in this game were fired from one of the others because they never did any work there and came here so they could continue to not do any work, in addition to reminding them of the above, will bring lulz and, in the fullness of time, a banhammer.
Lusternia, the Furry Wankfest - If Achaea, Aetolia, and Imperian have some furry races, Lusternia is the grand culmination of furfaggotry. Fully two-thirds of their over 9000 races are some form of furry. There's supposed to be a rich and ongoing story involved, which basically consists of the admin retconning anything they like with the explanation 'lol Cthulhu' given every time. Trolling Lusternia basically works like trolling any furries, so go to it!
Related Links
External Links
- Achaea's homepage
- Unofficial Achaea-dedicated wiki
- Cambreed's controversial Achaea forums
- Official Achaea forums
- The Dramachaea (DRAMA IN ACHAEA DUH) website
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Achaea is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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Achaea is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |