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Adult Swim
Adult Swim is a block of programming on Cartoon Network to show uncut anime, but instead is used to showcase their shitty sitcom ideas while high on skunky weed. It's also a dumping ground for failed network shows, guys who are members of the "Bob Odenkirk Cocksucking Circle", and failed indie comic writers. Some time later, it was decided that Saturdays would be devoted to anime, adding 14 year old girls to the Target Demographic. The lineups have since blended and Adult Swim continues to pollute the airwaves on TV. Given the painfully low budget of their shows, and their overt support of terrorism, it's safe to assume that Adult Swim is run by self-loathing Japanese people of Jew origin. Adult Swim is especially hated by weeaboos who still feed from their moms' tits and shit, because they're too busy BAWWWing over the lack of Inuyasha in the current schedule and writing slashfic to bother having a social life.
Bumps [They're fucking retarded.]
One of their trademarks is that in between shows, there is white text on a black background in which the gays at Cartoon Network get to showcase their utter contempt for their viewers, in a "I'm better than you! You suck the shit out of my asshole 'cause I rule and you drool!" hackery. Sadly, it's obvious that they put more time into writing these bumps than any of their shows.
Merchandise
Historically, Adult Swim has tried and failed to sell their merchandise. They failed so hard that it's traditional to view any attempt by them to sell their stuff with laughter due to the way that they inevitably let politics ruin the product. Most notably was when they tried to launch a line of action figures; instead of figures people wanted, we received complete shit in it's place because the creators wanted toys of characters THEY wanted, not figures that paying customers wanted, resulting in a wave of Phil Ken Sebben, a Bear, Master Shake, and MC Pee Pants figures no one bought, killing the entire toy line as a result.
The network instead has had most of its luck with hats and clothing based on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The people who consciously purchase this garbage are mainly post-gothic community college fags who eat at IHOP at 2:00 AM daily, speaking and LOLing at at least 100 decibels, perhaps under the impression that they are societal elites or even that someone enjoys or respects their unique™ and edgy humor.
Incarnations
Adult Swim has gone down more times than a 12 year old Taiwanese hooker. Constantly jumping the shark, it suffered most notably in the past when it lost the rights to Futurama and self-inflicted a gunshot wound to it's face by killing off 99% of its anime line-up. Only the new season of Venture Brothers has saved the network this year, as well as the kickback money Brendon Small is forced to pay Mike Lazzo out of his fortune via the Dethklok/Metalocalypse cash cow, as payment for Lazzo saving Small's career and sparing him from having to go back to his former job as an underpaid gay for pay bottom in porn movies.
No Moar Anime
Sometime in the middle of March, Adult Swim announced that they were finally pulling their "almost final solution" to the anime problem by removing all anime from their weekday lineup, sparing only Inuyasha because they knew even die-hard anime nerds hate Inuyasha. Butthurt weeaboos bitched and moaned about how this was unfair, and a complete violation of their weekly scheduled masturbation times, in-between downloading more shows illegally from glorious Nippon and continue hurting the business they claim to support. Adult Swim later pulled their real "final solution" and relegated anime to 5 in the morning, safe from human eyes.
Adult Swim whined back that ratings was why they took anime off the network, saying it never pulled in the ratings. This makes sense, as Americans got sick and tired of slope shows on their television devices years ago and now every anime company in the U.S. is bleeding cash or shutting down. When butthurt fantards complained back that Adult Swim never, EVER promoted or advertised anime, Mike Lazzo basically replied saying it wasn't worth it, and Adult Swim would rather concentrate on plug-whoring their own shitty shows so they can keep all the money, just like the other media companies.
Adult Swim is now a low-rated channel, thanks to butthurt weeaboos everywhere, and with lots of Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Delocated and Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job. Butthurt fantards know the truth of the matter, correctly claiming the block is worse off now and that anime is "Adult Swim's only saving grace". They're not watching Tyler Perry's House of Shit.
To spite Adult Swim, many anime fantards have moved to support Sci-Fi Channel's "Ani-Monday," a Monday night block featuring shitty anime no one wants to watch. Except Gurren Lagann, of course. Manga Entertainment actually has to pay the Sci-Fi Channel to run them.
- Family Guy - Has never been funny on any network. Example: "Less used than Alan Rickman's answering machine".
- Robot Chicken - kills OVER 9000 pieces of plastic crap each episode. Still not enough to make up for the fail. If not for kicks in the balls, there wouldn't be 10 minutes of their show.
Tom Goes To The Mayor - made by Tim and Eric so it automatically FAILS.-Baleeted from the network.- Death Note - anime for scene faggots .
- Inuyasha-(unless you're a furry)
- The Brak Show - gay ass showtunes and lame music that was never funny
- Big O - Batman meets Gundam = meh
- Frisky Dingo - good luck understanding any joke without seeing every previous episode. fans look at this show like it's the holy grail of AS despite it's overt shittiness.
- Minoriteam - Favored contender for Worst TV Show Ever Made. Made up entirely of nonstop racism, shitty animation and unfunny. Basically what would happen if those inbreds over at Stormfront decided to make a TV show. Cancellation after one season was too nice of a death.
- Assy McGee - Get it? It's like a archetypal 80 cop drama...BUT THE MAIN CHARACTER IS AN ASS UHYBDS AL OLOLOLOL OL OLOLLO now you've heard every joke from every episode
- Bleach - Basically the only thing keeping Narutards from wiping out Cartoon Network with their extreme butthurt. Contains the same amount of faggotry as Naruto.
- Saul of the Mole Men was funny in the first episode, kept going on and on until no one gave a shit
- Stroker and Hoop - The same shit you would get on MTV.
- Lucy: Daughter of the Devil - tried to be edgy, no one cared, got canceled
- The Mighty Boosh - Britfag humour. Almost as bad as the British Office.
- Moral Orel - Season Three was arguably the classiest thing that was ever aired on AS. Then it got canceled. To this day, there are no DVD releases of Moral Orel's second and third season.
Delocated. - Popular with 13 year old boys. Would completely fail if not for the amazing Paul Rudd.- Harvey Birdman - this show was actually funny because it had Steven Colbert but isn't funny anymore because he quit to do more impersonations of a white black person.
- The Drinky Crow Show
- If not for fart jokes, Adult Swim wouldn't have any of these shows.
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force - It was hilarious back in the day, but now it just
kindasucks. - Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Still funnier than Conan O'Brian.
- Superjail - It's like your average violent AS Show, but with actual lulz and David Wain as The Warden. The same 11 episodes have aired nightly for the past 3 years. It used to be cool, until * Ace-Cutie aka Spice that burns yo fuckin' eyes basically ruined teh internetz with her Mary Sue LYKEOMGSUPAKAWAIINURSEKAORUDESUDESU which she enjoys pairing up with The Warden because she's a fat, weeaboo fuck who can't get any in the real world.
- Sealab 2021 - Harry Goz is god.
- Metalocalypse - I DO COCAINE!!! Side note; Metalocalypse is teh lulz and you should watch it, because it is Metal. The only thing more Metal than than Metalocalypse is Francium, which FUCKING EXPLODES when placed in water, if you even make it to a water source, as Francium is both radioactive AND highly reactive, meaning that you will probably lose a few limbs if you carry said substance around with you without a protective layer of oil.
- Home Movies - Looks like it was drawn by a five-year-old with a learning disability. Which is why its so funny, among other things. It was only funny because of McGuirk AKA H Jon Benjamin, and Louis C.K.
- Squidbillies - An urban Southerner's version of some hick's Oxycontin nightmare rendered in glorious MS Paint. One of the most original and lulzy shows ever made.
- The Boondocks - This show is like dividing by zero. It has animu AND There are no black people on the Internet, but still manages to produce lulz. Need explanation, plox.
- King of the Hill - Annoying Texans with narrow urethras talking about propane. No explanation needed. Also, featured Brittany Murphy who's FUCKING DEAD!!!!olololololol11111
- The Office - Don't get excited, it's the Britfag version.
- Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! - Glorified YouTube Poop. Each episode dedicates 8 minutes of run time to men tongue kissing and gay ass musical numbers because they're just a bunch of queer ass fags. Srsly this show is gayer than 27 guys fucking 9 guys. Known to celebrate Caturday.
- Titan Maximum - Seth Green dick sucking at work, he basically created it to troll anime for almost ruining Adult Swim. Even though its been already done with that Perfect Hair Forever show.
- Xavier: Renegade Angel - Always fucks everything up for everyone. Like a fucking acid trip. Made by the same guys that made the extremely lulzy (but often overlooked) Wonder Showzen
- Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - modern day rendition of bad 70s dramas. worth checking out.
- The Venture Brothers - A show about failure, according to the creators. Sounds like you can relate. Also full of pussies and Veterans.
- Mary Shelley's Frankenhole - Something Dino Stamatopolous decided to dick around on instead of the delightful Morel Orel. Only exists because of the hilarious celebrity cameos.
- Check It Out with Steve Brule - Abysmally shitty spin-off of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, starring the most useless character to receive a spin-off since black person. Thankfully canceled after six episodes.
- Childrens Hospital - Yet another terrible live action program. An unfunny parody of Grey's Anatomy which would be absolutely unwatchable if it weren't for two hot brunette doctors. Of course, one of them got killed off after the first season, but OMG SHE COMES BACK!!!!!121 Basically a poor man's Scrubs. Should have remained a webseries.
Kitties
Now at Adultswim.com they have a section on cats with hats on. The first one is photoshopped while others are just abused fat cats. The reason why they created this section is unknown. Most likely because they're retarded furfags.
Quotes
Also See
- ATHF Terrorist Attack
- Family Guy Shit that is over quoted by people who can't make their own jokes
- King of The Hill Hillarious
- Futurama It's going to stay on Comedy Central for over 9000 years because Adult Swim is too cheap to pay for great shows
- BAWWWWW
- MC Chris
- TV
Links
