- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Greenpeace
|
This article needs moar Internet relevance. You can help by adding moar Internet relevance. |
Greenpeace (also known as Greenfags) is an international enviromental organization, started by some guy named Bono, with the stated goal of reducing human population to zero to restore GAIA's natural balance. It is therefore held in high esteem and actively funded by Al Gore, Liberals, Vegans and Nazis in general.
Their current activities focus on banning the light bulb from every household in the world as a first step towards breaking down the industrial infrastructure that supports the entire population in order to finally execute their final solution of the human problem.
History
Greenpeace was founded by a guy named Bono about 30 years ago to hide their drug smuggling operation, and it continued in this fashion for many years, but when the FBI didn't get it's regular shipment of meth and came looking for them, Greenpeace had to look legitimate to avoid legal problems. So they brought in some enviromentalists and ALF members.
The new recruits fucked up the good job that the group was doing, and stopped bringing vast quantities of jenkem and weed into the country; instead they started a mass campaign against the killing of innocent animals and saving the O-Zone layer. They pissed off every country that had a whaling operation, oil, nuclear power, nuclear weapons, guns, and anything else that might disrupt the whale population.
Of course these goals where seriously gay, but they where allowed to continue because the Greenpeace members were good at hiding. Eventually, years later, the French found the location of Greenpeace boat "Rainbow Warrior" hiding near their nuclear weapons testing site, and decided the best thing to do was to blow it up. This caused lulz for anyone that Greenpeace ever pissed off. A Dutch photographer got blown up trying to get his photos off the boat, and got to feel the cold embrace of Death. Sadly, France's greatest deed ever and the lulz were short lived, when fags from New Zealand found out about it. France had to pay 2.3 million francs (about $100,000) in compensation to the photographer's family, and 23 million New Zealand dollars to New Zealand. They also had to issue an apology, which France faked, and became the worlds greatest liars.
Greenpeace became more sneaky after their run in with the French and decided to stay low for a few years but keep on Campaigning for more Beastiality and less French. They re-emerged from their eco-bunkers a few years later, to find the world a different place. They discovered that their operatives had done and started a war on oil producing nations, by fooling W into thinking it where the Arab that done it. Overjoyed by their success, they began getting media attention by sneaking through tightened security at places like airports, so they could protest about whatever crap it is they protest about.
Camps
Greenpeace and its splinter groups currently have a permanent residence outside Faslane nuclear submarine base in Scotland. They camp out there in the belief that can stop the UK from having nuclear weapons, or from firing them at furry bunnies or some shit like that. They camp outside the main gate because their boat will be blown to shit (again) if it comes within 1000 miles of the base.
Boats
This is a list of ships in the Greenpeace Navy.
Rainbow Warrior STATUS: Destroyed FRAGS: 1
Rainbow Warrior II STATUS: In Use
Rainbow Warrior III STATUS: Under Construction - the first purpose-built environmentally friendly craft in the Greenpeace fleet
MV Artic Sunrise STATUS: In Use
MV Esperanza STATUS: In use
Argus STATUS: Unknown
Moby Dick STATUS: Unknown
MV Greenpeace STATUS: Decommissioned -- Now a Museum Ship
Greenpeace only seems to use boats that were once whaling ships or seal clubber transport vessels. They convert them for fitting in every environmentally friendly appliance possible, then set out, belching diesel fumes into the air. On some occasions the ships have done more harm than good, with greenpeace members throwing chemicals off the sides of ships, and accidentally ramming coral reefs. This is because no qualified Captain will work for them, and they can only get illegal Polish immigrants to sign up these days.
Fact: Greenpeace and Sea Shepherd (another earth-fag group, as seen in Whale Wars) fucking hate each other. If you ever come across a member of Greenpeace you can easily troll the fuck out of them by asking them how the hell they can spend so much money to acquire a world record holding speedboat only to let this happen:
Looks like the carbon dildo had plenty of time to alter course, but being vegans they probably didn't have enough energy to turn the wheel in time.
Greenpeacefags
Apocalyptica is a Finnish cello metal band that supports Greenpeace. You can help terrorize Greenpeace by destroying Fagocalyptica at one of its gigs, and outwardly bashing the band at its official forum, which may be found here.
Their name suggests, that even if Greenpeace wins (which would be fail for us), their shitty music will end the world anyway.
Greenpeace canvassers
Greenpeace canvassers are fucking cock suckers that have failed at life and cannot find better jobs for the summer. All of greenpeace's funding comes from the Jew 69% of the time, thanks to Greenfags canvassers. The group consist of Woman and Man, that cares about the enviroment. Their day starts off by meeting up with their supervisors in a coffee shop to retrieve the location of the day, afterwhich the canvassers will start canvassing at the designated area. The canvassers believe strongly in their right to protect the enviroment, and when hackled, will Crap on your face repeatly. It has also been mathematically verfied that 100% of the canvassers have Herpes 90% of the time, and their mission of life is to spread it by having the Jew signing up for monthly donations.
Sea Shepherd
Sea shepherd is a terrorist organisation being butthurt about the environment in much the same fashion as Greenpiss only more hardcore and specialices on those poor, delicious chunks of fat and meat commonly known as whales.
If you've seen Whale Wars on Discovery, you know that they frequently get their asses kicked by azn whalers, obviously because the whalers are real seamen with proper equipment and paid work, while Sea Shepherd consists mostly of smelly amateur treehugging landcrabs with dreadlocks, getting assfucked for free by their mentally challenged "captain".
Their fagship is known as "Steve Irwin", named after the psychotic founder who broke up with greenpeace because they told him to STFU about ramming into boats because they had harpoons, and to worry about real environmental problems like nukes and cancer.
Trolling
Greenpeace folks are easy to troll. Even mentioning 'seal clubbing' and how much you enjoy it, will get you some lulzy furfags turning into an heroes. A good place to troll them is on one of their message boards. Mentioning Patrick Moore in any context is a sure-fire LULs-getter.
- http://forum.greenpeace.org/int/ You can start here and work your way through the rest, accumulating death threats and other pathetic attempts to make you stop trolling the pussies.
- http://www.apocalyptica.de/forum/wbb/ Another good way to troll Greenpeace is through one of its supporter's forum.
- http://www.greenpeace.org.lb/ Use this link to troll them if you happen to be a Arab.