Magick

An example of deluded poseurs Penn and Teller.

astral WAL-MART is located right next to astral McDonalds.

Astral Wal-mart

"Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money."

Effete spelling of magic, now with a "k" for extra phear! Used to demonstrate that the user is really cool, 1337 and clued in to a centuries-old tradition of real, authentic, honest-to-goodness magic, and not merely a deluded poseur.

Supporters of this aberrant spelling will be all "blah blah Jew blah blah Crowley blah blah blah", but I'm all like "talk to the hand".

Some 1337 magickians noted on Encyclopedia Dramatica include Son of Art, Usva and Nathan Satan.

List of Magickal Acts

• Telekinesis
• Internet disease
• Use voodoo doll
• Summon retard
• Morph 80 year old Chinese man in panties into 16 year old girl
• Transform furry into human Actually, centuries of knowledge perpetuated by the wise and elder generation after generation have come in aid of this task, to no avail. TL;DR: LOL IMPOSSIBLE
• Go visit astral WAL-MART on the astral planes.

Signs of Magick users

• Overweight
• Shops at real magick stores like Hot Topick.
• Candles burning in room. Constantly.
• Reeks of B.O. and sandalwood.
• Talks like he's playing Dungeons and Dragons at all times.
• Fails at everything she tries, but excuses herself with "my goddess doesn't want me to do that".
• Believes that God is a female.
• Sucks at card tricks.
• Visits spellsofmagic.com, which is quite possibly the biggest hive of fail this side of Gaia.

Types of magickians

• Sex Magickian: "Hey baby, wanna do some tantric yoga to further our spirituality?"

• Wiccan: "And so, after astral projeckting and ascending to the nth plane, I ckame in ckontackt with the divine manifestation of the natural being. I was empowered with a sense of ckonfidencke and felt my powers grow. I became one with the universe. When I wocke up, my cklothes were missing and my ass hurt. Did I mention I'm bi and I licke Fall Out Boy?"

• Jew: "Where the fuck are my infinite riches?"

• Khaos magickian: "Khatoic evil means never having to say you're sorry! HAIL PAPERCLIP!"

• Satanic magickian: "Satan, hear me, I am thy hand on earth. I bow for no man, I spit on the weack, I fear no one. Grant me thy unholy powers...shit, Mom's home."

• New Ager/Druid: "I strive to beckome one with the universe, and lose my ego in the greater depths of ckosmick being. My earthly attachments will dissolve and I will transcend this plane of existence, like that one summer solstice at Stonehenge when we toock three hits of E each and really ckonneckted with the earth...speaking of which, got any herb?"

• Science: "I cast magic missile!" -Cho Seung Hui, 15th level Bullet Mage

There are many spinoffs, such as FacePunch cards.

See Also

• Princesswolfgirl
• Astraldancer
• David Blaine
• Penn & Teller
• Alchemy
• MemoryandDream
• Michelle Belanger
• Sylvia Browne
• Otherkin
• Psion Guild
• Criss Angel
• DivineAngel