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Morrissey
16 year old girls have Linkin Park, and emo and scene kids have Morrissey. Emo kids have music inspired by Morrissey. His only fans are fat middle-aged women and faggot spics
Morrissey - occasionally accused of being the lunatic responsible for emo, thanks to his amazingly insightful and witty lyrics (Come Armageddon! Come! Everyday is like Sunday, everyday is silent and gray!) - the modus operandi of every emo hipster, indiefuck and fat goth girl. Amazingly, he's escaped retribution for his numerous musical crimes against humanity - like an unstoppable juggernaut, decimating the music landscape of the day with his boring, angsty and self-indulgent ranting (See: Lowtax). The only thing stopping him has been the A+R men dropping him from their labels every 3 years, once they realize that he's immeasurably shit, and will never change.
He is best known for his "poetic" and boring lyrics about what a sad, old misanthrope he is and the fact that The Cure frontman, Robert Smith, hates his guts. Which is important, because complaintopia consider him The holy trinity or Raptor Jesus Nowadays, Morrissey is a wrinkly old fag selling his soul to millions of Hot Topic and scene kids with no self-esteem. Fortunately for Internets, his legion of fans, while tearing the sad git's lyrics to pieces (while searching in vain for some shred of meaningful prose), are responsible for many internet lulz. If you put the Cure or even that David Bowie album where there's a live track with the Cure, before or after the Smiths/Morrissey album on a playlist, Robert Smith and him start fighting. It's pretty neato.
This is a small mercy.
Morrissey is a former militant vegetarian and a former militant asexual, proving once again that he can talk a lot of shit, but when it comes down to it he just can't keep from stuffin' meat in his mouth, be it burgers or cock. (Note: Moz is still a vegetarian and still chaste, despite the myriad fat goth Tori Amos fans who want to fuck his brains out and cook an all meat-grill for him in the morning). He won't go to Canada because he talked a lot of shit about it and is afraid of being sacrificed to the pagan gods of milk bags and curling.
Morrissey is famous for his witty and acerbic put-downs of his detractors, so be careful not to get on his bad side. He famously described the writer of The Smiths' biography (Morrisey and Marr: The Severed Alliance), Johnny Rogan, as 'Johnny Rodent', if you can believe that. He also playfully retitled the book 'The Sausage Appliance'. Linguistic genius such as this is a gift to be treasured.
According to him, there is panic on the streets of London, but as it turns out it was drunk football hooligans and there was no panic, but there was lots of Jager, a DJ was hung, and zombies were killed.
Morrissey Timeline
- Join the Smiths
- ???
- PROFIT!!!
- Leave the Smiths
- Fail
Morrissey as Lulz
Being cruel, sarcastic, and generally unpopular, many Morrissey fans have taken to embracing his work and personality in an ironic sense. This often involves the photoshopping of Morrissey images, bad fanfic, and fake suicide attempts expressed with his more morose lyrics.
It must be noted that the vast majority of ‘Morrissey iz teh lolzers’ are genuine fans who spend vast quantities of their money on The Smiths vinyl rather than social activities, in which they are not included. This is usually because they bore others with constant and vivid recreations of the day they found a ‘This Charming Man’ single for $3 in a charity store.
The intent of parody is often separation from the generic emo kids who consider one depressing song good reason to shop at Hot Topic.
In a completely separate set of lulz, spoken-word poet Eirik Ott also named The Smiths "How Soon is Now?" the anthem for wussy boys in his poem The Wussy Boy Manifesto.
Morrissey On Twitter
An imposter Morrissey has been trolling Morrissey fanboys on Twitter, who are too dumb to realize that Morrissey didn't really eat a kebab to piss off PETA. Trolling often includes correcting lyrics, asking fans to knit jumpers with his face on, and offering to come to people's houses and sing to them. If you wish to see Trollissey, visit @s_p_morrissey before his fanboys or lawyers get wise and shut it down.
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Morrissey, playing one Smith... -
Against another. -
Sometimes Morrissey has to choke a bitch. -
Morrissey will sing you the hits. -
But is also not afraid to offer some constructive criticism. -
Even going so far as to ruin Henry Rollins' upholstery.
Morrissey Causes An Heroes
It is widely suggested that Morrissey and Kelly Sheetz are the leading cause of suicide. It has also been suggested that suicide is the leading cause of Morrissey and Kelly Sheetz. This is of course result of Asexuality.
Morrissey Hits The Deck
On October 24th, 2009, Morrissey was performing in Swindon when - after one song - he collapsed and was rushed to hospital. He's pulled this shit countless times in the past, so I wouldn't start putting down floral tributes outside Salford Lads' Club just yet, you dashing young studs. Bookmakers are offering 10/1 odds that this is the real deal this time, others are simply saying he started something he couldn't finish.
Amazing Lyrics by Morrissey
— Morrissey - Showing Oscar Wilde-like wit | ||
— Morrissey - being completely not gay! | ||
— Morrissey - being butthurt after getting owned by former bandmates in court. | ||
— Morrissey - Once again showing us how not gay he is. | ||
— Morrissey - Totally not gay! | ||
— Morrissey - On fucking his mother. | ||
Gallery
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Morrissey's long lost cousin. Their looks sure do run in the family! -
In Apathy Dog form. -
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WHAT. -
Morrissey's nemesis, with an unfortunate choice of friends.
External Links
- Bernard Manning Sings The Smiths
- Morrissey depressed again
- Morrissey teaching the kids about science
- Morrissey gets butthurt after being hit with a plastic water bottle.
See Also
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Morrissey is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |