Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.

Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Luka Magnotta

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Da218835 at 10:34, 19 April 2011. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to navigationJump to search

With an I.Q. lower than the sperm which are now dead in his spermbank ass, the voice of a mentally handicapped Canadian and the weight of a candy cane, party boy Luka Magnotta is a leading figure on the stripper, faux-bulimic attention whore scene due to his attention-whoring antics, inspiring a generation of Ben_Stiller ''Zoolander'' wannabees to never stop having gay sex, and their boyfriends to never stop cheating on them. He is best known for showing up to events uninvited and gobbling down the red carpet like a fruit roll-up to gain weight. Additionally, he was the frumpy, deranged, pill addicted star of adult porn magazines and films, who dated female serial killer Karla Homolka and became one of the most hated men in Canada and then denied the relationship when he got caught. He then went back to being a cum dumpster for his clients at the strip club he worked at and met a rich man to "take care of him".

He Would Make Zoolander Proud
File:Magnify-clip.png
He Would Make Zoolander Proud



I.Q. Test Score

Serial Killers Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo, Luka wins Again!
File:Magnify-clip.png
Serial Killers Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo, Luka wins Again!

In high school, Luka scored 65 on the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale (WAIS) standardized I.Q. test, making him slightly retarded. An Intelligence Quotient of 100 is average. Below 80 is borderline mentally retarded, below 70 is mildly mentally retarded. Below 50 is moderately mentally retarded, below 30 is severely mentally retarded, below 20 is a wheelchair retard.

Eric Newman

Im Bisexual, I Only Fucked Guys For The Money
File:Magnify-clip.png
Im Bisexual, I Only Fucked Guys For The Money

Also known as "Eric Newman", his stage name for fudge packing pornos, younger brother of Paul Newman , who disowned him, in the dimly-lit confines of a depression-era trailer, Luka sucked and danced his way into modelling, where he appeared as part of Hollywood's campaign to make models "more ironic".

As is typical, straight males the world over failed to grasp the joke, and proceeded to fap to the further enrichment of Hugh Hefner. As his unintended stardom grew, so did his ego, and he proceeded to inhale most of Hollywood up his nose, damaging many of Mr. Hefner's most exploitable underage blondes at the Playboy Mansion.

Luka Did Not Marry A Serial Killer, OK!

I Fuck My Relatives, and I dont even charge em!
File:Magnify-clip.png
I Fuck My Relatives, and I dont even charge em!

OMMYFUCKINGGOD. During the brief period while the Fates still permitted Luka to make a brutal, unceasing mockery of the American dream TM, he married an ancient, decrepit female serial killer, who mercifully fell to sleep most nights before consummating sex with the cigerette-proportioned Luka. Luka, felt ashamed and he said he was totally humiliated by this "rumor" and that he would like to be left in peace to find old men to screw in more ways then one.

After years of staring into the white, mangled pubic bush of his client�le, the rightly-revolted Luka cut their life short through a combination of cocaine, a hustler named Eric and asphyxiation.

When his dead clients wills revealed that much of the fortune was to go to Mr. Magnotta, the old coot's offspring cried foul; all the while Luka, his ass fairly dripping with falsehood, denied the very notion of marrying the old fuck's for their money.

Note that he was NOT merely doing it for the lulz.

Luka's Career as a Porno Failure

Luka Magnotta as his idol Marilyn Monroe, Scandal in the Wind]
File:Magnify-clip.png
Luka Magnotta as his idol Marilyn Monroe, Scandal in the Wind

When porno studios' first announced Luka Magnotta porn, many people wondered why the fuck anorexic, drug-addled, gold-digging, geriantophile Luka Magnotta was movie worthy. The idea resulted from a meeting of Entertainment executives to discuss expanding their market by creating a popular movie franchise along the line of Billy Brandt, Marcus Allan, except that being a third rate studio that no one watches, they couldn't afford Britney Spears. Washed-up drug-addled male whores are almost as good as washed-up drug-addled rock stars. Right?

After a long planning session involving hookers and blow, a junior executive with a thing for slutty bisexuals and a secret stash of unbirthing porn suggested Luka. The Exec. now works as assistant manager at a Walmart in Albuquerque.

After limping through thirteen excruciatingly shitty movies, the series was cancelled due to Luka's addiction to an alphabet soup of painkillers, alcohol and uppers - which bizarrely caused him to gain so much weight that his whole body could not be contained in one frame.

Porn fans desperately pleaded with the executives to remove the show, because they thought Luka was too ugly for TV. However, they were proven wrong, as Luka was ultimately discovered to be too fat for life.

Cosmetic Surgery Addict

In a last bid attempt to save what career he had, Luka took all his money he made from walking the streets in New York and then totally destroyed his face, he now looks worse than Michael Jackson and that's pretty bad.

Luka Magnotta: Hated By All

Luka returns from devouring a small Mormon family.

RIP or Rape? you decide

Crikey!

White Devil

His parents Must Be So Proud! Canada's "Prince"

Luka, after years of cosmetic surgeries now looks like Marilyn Monroe instead of his idol James Dean

Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Luka_Magnotta&oldid=453663"