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Madonna
Some decades ago, Madonna was created to pave the way for countless generations of over-sexed pop singers who would be known more for their scandalous exploits outside the studio than for the generic pop 'music' they would come to create, usually about sex, or money, or having sex for money, or 'romance' songs that are about as expressive as lame poems written by a shy emo high-school kid with a crush. Today Madonna still exists, but only to show up at awards shows to kiss other women and to show off her muscular yoga arms. Seriously, have you seen how veiny those things are??
To increase Madonna's waning popularity, Madonna went from being a Catholic from Detroit, to being an English Jew. Specifically, an adherent of Kabbalah. This tactic failed because Kabbalah is a lot like Scientology except without the weirdly amusing celebrities, or Xenu.
over 9000 years ago Madonna pulled an Angelina Jolie and stole a Skinny [1] in hopes that having a small child around might make the blood flow from Madonna's uterus as bountifully as it once did. Turns out the baby daddy didn't care much for this and wants his baby back baby back baby back ribs [2].
More recently however, Madonna and her richie rich husband Guy have let the world know they're giving their marriage the flick. Sources say her rusty vagina just wasn't doing it for him anymore. At any rate we anticipate Madonna's return to the scene. Get some milf in ya.
Madonna is currently touring on what must be her 9000th album tour, which so far has been a a real turd. Madonna hired all the hippest (see: 20 years younger than Madonna) producers and has given a hip-hop feel to the album. She absolutely loves to abuse her audience with unspeakable profanity, and ofcourse giving the bony old finger.
Although Madonna has tried acting before and failed, Madonna has received critical acclaim for the portrayal of a distraught woman in the movie Clean Girls [3] from the award winning director of 2girls1cup.
—Madonna |
The Sad Truth
Some of those borderline homosexuals were saved by the thought of fucking Madonna. Scary thought isn't it? But like most women, we all at one time wanted to fuck someone famous. In her time, Madonna was the hottest bitch that everyone wanted to fuck. Especially those in confident 10 year old boys who were raped by pedobear. Deep down, we all want to fuck Madonna. Yes, even the one we are stuck with now. She has had experience, and she could show someone some really freaky shit. Shit that would fuck your shit up. Shit that would give orgasmic nightmares of sucking the sweat off her legs while she gives Kermit the frog a blow job.
But Then Again...
And then again, maybe not. Consider if you will:
- In 1979, photographer Lee Friedlander paid an unknown dancer $25 to sit for some nude portraits. In 2009, Christie's auction house was expecting to sell the black and white 13 x 8 print of one of the shots for $10,000-15,000 dollars. The model Friendlander photographed was a 20 year old, pre-fame Madonna.
- However, the full frontal nude photo of Madonna, has actually sold at auction for $37,500 -- more than double its pre-sale estimate.
- The photograph's high selling price is linked to its potential military applications. One stray glance at the wild overgrowth that is Madonna's vagina, could likely turn entire armies to stone.
- The photo sold for less than the $96,000 paid at auction in 2005 for a Helmut Newton photo of Madonna dancing on a bar with a beer bottle that was taken in 1990; perhaps symbolic of the worldwide economic slump.
- The photo's posted right here on this page. Assuming you don't go blind, disperse it throughout ED and the web for the Lulz. Who knows? It might be just the bitchslap we need to get Madonna's 50-year-old wrinkly ass out of our sexual fantasizing altogether.
Madonna Controls Wikipedia
- This is what Wikipedia will have to say in 2010 about her new album:
.com is the twelfth album by American singer-songwriter Madonna, released on January 26, 2010 by Universal Records. The album was a mild commercial success, but poorly received critically. BBC Music called it "a whirlwind of crap".The lead single from the album, "Future World" featuring Lady GaGa topped the charts in 17 countries. The follow-up singles were "Robot With Feelings", "Running Time" and "Electroniclife", which was released only in Japan as a promo single. The album was supported by the Robotronic Tour, which was the poorest selling Madonna tour ever.
This is the first Madonna album featuring only electronic sounds, with her voice being dubbed in electro beats. Madonna infamously said about it while she was at the recording stage:
—Madonna |
The album was poorly received, BBC Music calling it a "whirlwind of crap" and a "waste of money, time and good will". The Times called it a "monotonous bad album which could have been written by a 5-year-old" and later correcting itself, "no it couldn't. The kid would have written something better". Many critics pointed out the likeness between the songs and other artist's songs, even older Madonna's songs. Future World is said to sound like a mix of Heartbeat (from Hard Candy) and Wonderwall by Oasis, whereas Robot With Feelings is said to sound very similar to Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani, who incited legal actions against Madonna claiming that that was the second time she ripped her off.
Track Listing
- Robot With Feelings
- Running Time
- Future Song
- Third Millenium
- Love You Baby (Spears)
- FutureLove/SexSounds (Timberlake)
- Dirty Intentions
- Future World
- Electroniclife
- I'm So Old
- I'm So Old (reprise)
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Madonna is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
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Madonna is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |