Buy A Dog

Buy A Dog is part of a series on final solutions.

[crackersGas the...]

• Apology
• Ban fucking everyone
• Buy a dog
• Complete rewrite
• Delete fucking everything
• Deleting your LiveJournal
• Deleting your Youtube Videos
• Done with ED
• Flounce
• Holocaust
• Internet Kill Switch
• It was a social experiment
• KILL IT WITH FIRE
• Mass Murder
• Never drinking again
• Nibiru/Planet Nine
• Peter Jennings died, so I'm going to quit smoking
• Quitting IRC forever
• Ragequit
• Suicide (see also An Hero)
• Wikicide (Wikibreak)
• Unsubscribing
• X FUCKING Y

	“	She installed electronic security, a phone tracing system, and bought a dog. *WOOF*	„
	—Phil Shuman, on how Anonymous took steps to protect herself from Anonymous. Oh, the irony!

	“	If your enemy needs a friend, buy him a dog.	„
	—Anonymous

Buy A Dog is a meme that originated some time ago when Faux News ran an investigation on the growing threat of hackers on steroids. The propaganda flick relayed the horrifying tale of a basement dwelling mama's boy named Alex Wuori. His MySpace had been thoroughly hacked and covered with pictures of gay secks, causing his imaginary girlfriend to leave him. He also claimed that messages were left on his mom's answering machine threatening to slit his emo throat. He probably left them himself.

You might as well ask.

In typical over-the-top fashion, his mother immediately did what any reasonable person would do: she purchased a new security system for her entire house, put a tracer on their phone line, closed the curtains, and finally...she BOUGHT A FUCKING DOG.

This may seem completely fucktarded, but it is well known to IT security experts that /b/ is actually run by cats and that Longcat is the overlord of /b/ and over 9,000 times longer than mrfetch.

Hawt Tips

Stonerdog approves of this article.

• Dogs are the third hardest substance known to man, next to Dragonforce, and, of course, My Chemical Romance.
• Mathematical fact: Fear + Ignorance + series of tubes + ???? = Siberian husky PROFIT!.
• Closing your curtains is the #1 way to protect yourself from Anonymous Hackers. However, they may hack their way through your firewall-curtains.
• For optimum protection, wrap said dog around curtains.

It should be noted, however, that several very skilled hackers can bypass security machines through use of wire cutters and steroids. Pennies work too. Meanwhile many others are busy dissecting dogs and consulting with Michael Vick Ron Mexico in an attempt to find creative ways around a dog. So far, all efforts have led to failure.

If potential victims cannot buy a dog, then a Dog Curtain is fine too. A cat, however, will actively work against you.

NEWSBREAK: It has recently been confirmed that dogs are weak against CLIFFS.

JEWZ YOU CAN UZE: Some Anons carry chocolate with them due to the myth that it causes a Falcon Punch like effect on dog's hearts. It's baker's chocolate not the normal kind. Go find yourself a cakesmith if there are no cliffs nearby.

OMG THE DOG IS A LIE!!1

Los Angeles The Dogproof Anon receives its first field test, and ABC is there with the cameras.

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FRONTLINES: Working around the clock to meet the February 10th deadlines, /b/tard scientists have successfully created the prototype for the Dog-Proof Anon. No force in the universe can stop us now. Except for fail caused by newfags in Guy Fawkes masks.

Trivia

• How did SlimVirgin defend herself against feared troll, Blu Aardvark? She bought a dog; ironically, it was from Blu Aardvark.

• The gaiafag developers banned Pedobear to make sure Anonymous doesn't come and slit their throats. They're going to buy fucking dogs!
• The dogs bollocks is slang in the UK for AWESOME

Gallery

Dogs Dawg About missing Pics

• 
  Eat dog. Become immortal.
• 
  Dogs. Making you buy them since 2007.
• 
  Dog promotional poster by Ollie.
• 
  Anonymous trembles.
• 
  Michael Vick Ron Mexico, has had several a dogs.
• 
  Anonymous shits bricks
• 
  Cute? I don't think so.
• 
  Anonymous begs for mercy in the face of a dog with a laser.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Dogmongler - for one - is not afraid.
• 
  Do it nao.
• 
  Effective against ghey intruders.
• 
  dog+curtains+van...you nevar thawt you'd say it.
• 
  Will track you down like a Chris Hansen on Pedobear's arse.
• 
  This dog cannot be bought.
• 
  Dog Curtains...the only firewall for steroidal hackers.
• 
  A Doberman may be a good choice.
• 
  LAPD and Anon.
• 
  This will help you keep your family safe.
• 
  Anon will NEVARR attempt to haxx0r you or detonate a van close to you if you have curtains, especially if used in combination with a dog.
• 
  Anonymous. We'll make you buy a dog.
• 
  Dogs may screw you up, though. Well, hum.
• 
  This dog poses little threat.
• 
  Dogs don't like Michael Vick.
• 
  Dogs have held back terrorists for hundreds of years.
• 
  Moar K9!
• 
  Wearing a Firedog hat will not help you.
• 
  Finally, a solution!
• 
  Looking to buy a dog?
• 
  Moar dogcurtains.
• 
  Oh exploitable
• 
  Fry a dog
• 
  A cat is fine too
• 
  Buy a dog: cure swine flu.
• 
  Adorable isn't he?
• 
  Who needs airmail?
• 
  NO! ,don't buy this dog you sick fuck!
• Mr. Burns has known of this effective solution for years.
  Mr. Burns has known of this effective solution for years.
• dog disaproves what he sees
  dog disaproves what he sees

See Also

• Advice Dog
• A Cat Is Fine Too

External Links

• Sexually trained dogs for sale for all your bestiality needs!

	Buy A Dog is part of a series on Fox News [Back to The StudioOver To You]
Allies Glenn Beck ♦ Ann Coulter ♦ Matt Drudge ♦ Carly Fiorina ♦ Sean Hannity ♦ Mark Levin ♦ Joe Lieberman ♦ Michelle Malkin ♦ Rachel Marsden ♦ Bill O'Reilly ♦ Karl Rove ♦ Rick Santorum ♦ Rod Wheeler ♦ Tucker Carlson Enemies of Fox State Anonymous ♦ Al Gore ♦ Al Sharpton ♦ Barack Hussein Obama ♦ Emos ♦ Fred Phelps ♦ "Fuck Her Right In The Pussy" Guy ♦ Hillary Clinton ♦ Hugo Chavez ♦ The Internet ♦ John Edwards ♦ Jon Stewart ♦ Keith Olbermann ♦ Kurt Eichenwald ♦ Liberals ♦ Macaca ♦ Mexicans ♦ Logic ♦ Osama bin Laden ♦ Rachel Maddow ♦ Ron Paul ♦ Russia Today ♦ Stephen Colbert ♦ Terror Playlist ♦ Terrorists Subsequent Internets Buy A Dog ♦ Corruption of LOL ♦ Exploding Van ♦ [email protected] ♦ Happy Mexican Lady Without Context ♦ HACKERS ON STEROIDS ♦ INTERNET HATE MACHINE

Buy A Dog is part of a series on Memes Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage.

Buy A Dog is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.