- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Bitcoin
| Hey! | 
|
This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us! |
|
Bitcoin client claims to be a peer-to-peer digital currency. Invented in 1995 by Neal Stephenson, stolen by cryptojew Satoshi Nakamoto, it was finally reborn as a viable scam by Bruce Wagner who currently holds a second degree Black Belt in Fraud irl, and along with Nvidia's marketing department approval it is considered to be one of the most successful ponzi scams on the internet. Asspies and jews alike are somehow tricked into joining the party, therefore perpetuating the scheme.
It has been predicted that the bitcoin will eventually become currency of choice for mastermind hacker Aulian J'ssange, as well to support the luxurious lifestyle of jews in possesion of this wiki.
Currency Value
To the extent that one cannot pay for a blowjob with bitcoins, except for perhaps from a gay, Thai, libertarian aspie, bitcoins are worthless. Jew will point out that the exchange rate between bitcoins and US dollars is steadily increasing, dodging the fact that no one has ever purchased real sex via bitcoin, but this is a ploy to get your money.
It has also been speculated by people who deal with non-pretend money, aka financial neckbeards, that bitcoins have lesser real life day-to-day value then a really good turd pinched out at about 7:45am in the morning.
Indeed, this can be best described with the scenario of sighting a homeless man holding out his cap on the footpath (sidewalk, for americunts).
You cannot give him bitcoins to begin with as;
- They're not even real. You cant mint fail.
- He couldn't buy anything worth a fuck with them anyway, not even soap.
But, if you shit in his cap;
- He could bask in its warmth for a while and forget his troubles.
Traders
It is well known that bitcoins have practical value on the web enabling you to purchase lucrative goods such as T-shirts, bandwidth and gay-porn. Currently the Bitcoin community is undergoing a major expansion with the urban myth of one aspie having managed to purchase a pizza using them. Such stories are highly speculative and experts are currently undecided whether such things have actually happened.
Trolling
Trolling the Bitcoin forum is easy. Just claim that Satoshi isn't Japanese. Because the bitcoin is pegged to AZNs, traders will vigorously defend his alleged ancestry, so as to protect their investment. Also, many traders espouse various flavors of libertarianism and anarchism. Just cursorily review this article and apply its contents on the forum.
But the sweetest form of trolling is:
- Create a market bubble
- Tell everyone to sell
- ????
- Loss!!!
-
A hypothetical situation proposed in Something Awful -
Someone else did exactly that on Bitcoin forum. -
People were thirsty for blood.
Technical
Nobody really knows, but according to experts wasting computing resources at computing SHA256 hashes over random data will somehow save the world, including whales.
Mining
Mining is the act of having your PC solve some math problem, via a program downloaded from bitcoin overlords. When you achieve flawless victory you are rewarded with a batch of coins, although the rate the coins are handed out on a whole is limited and you are also competing against a botnet mining outfit. You are probably better off installing whatever call of duty games came with the graphics cards and waiting for the next imaginary money bandwagon.
The budding miner can spend thousands of dollars on graphics cards chained together like niggers in order to solve complex software math problems that generate a set amount of bitcoins for every successful attempt at solving the problem. With the absolutely massive price crash in the value of the bitcoin lately and the rate coins are handed out you can pick up good cheap graphics cards on ebay now. If you're lucky, you might pick up the probably awesome gaming rig that gave some fucktard brain damage trying to be an internet millionaire.
Why should you use bitcoin
If you are a honest drug dealer participating in the global market, or just batshit crazy libertarian then here's your chance to engage in your own subversive way and become a superhero. Now everyone on the net can be a real-life strongman from the safety of their computers. You can trade them for free meaning that you're now free to aquire even more gummi bears.
Because the coins value is entirely derived from how much jews are spamming slashdot at the moment, the entire ponzi scheme is guaranteed $$$. Getting your grandma to invest her savings is a sure-fire way to infinite success, wealth and bitches. The entire pyramid is explained to be worth $103 mirrions, although Bitcoiners conveniently forget to explain that is not $103 mirrions of real monies.
—IRC user explaining the intricacies of Bitcoin | ||
With a sales pitch like that anyone is sold. Of course they also forget to mention that the cost of creating new bitcoins is more than the bitcoins themselves. The major sell of bitcoins is the ability to engage with other aspies forum whoring and trading your play-money for "goods". There's even talk of a convention to allow Bitcoiners to speculate on the identity of the creator while dressed as giant gold coins, or cross-dressing Japanese men.
Why you shouldn't use bitcoin
- Some shit-eating German bitcoin forum member claims suckers gave him $500,000 to build a data center to mine bitcoins.
- A programmer posting on Reddit emptied his bank account and maxed out his credit cards in March to buy $10,000 worth of mining equipment.
- Rick Falkvinge, founder of the Swedish Pirate Party, declared he was putting all his savings into Bitcoin.
Value then > $25 Value now < $5
Gold is backed by [[Ron Paul]. Bitcoin is backed by his supporters.
—#bitcoin-dev is always helpful when inquiring about security | ||
