Morrowind

A screenshot of Daggerfall, Morrowind's predecessor

Morrowind is an old RPG that allows you to spend hundreds of hours walking in-between identical locations and talking to NPCs that have the exact same set of responses. Since it allows you to gain imaginary money without the hassle of going online and interacting with other people, Morrowind is amazingly attractive to gamers so repulsive they can't even make friends in a MMORPG.

Morrowind revolves around your character, a reincarnation of Buddha or something, who must must achieve Nirvana kill Dagoth Ur, a faggot who wears a gay mask which looks like he stole it from a mummy of a Mayan emperor. You must first please Azura, a goddess who really doesn't give a shit about you and just wants you to kill Dagoth Ur, risking your ass in the process as Dagoth Ur's servants try to butt fuck you at every turn. You must kill Dagoth Ur (who is immortal) by pwning the shit out of a heart that gives him said immortality to butthurt-ness. However, this heart must be pwned by using a short-as-your-dick dagger and a gavel-sized hammer.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not the final boss in Morrowind but a screenshot from Gay Mayan Strip Poker 3D

Heated debate still subsides as to whether Final Fantasy games or Morrowind is the most efficient way of wasting your life. Some argue, though, that they're all kickin' rad games and that they have achieved Zen-like states by dividing their waking hours between posting on internet forums, playing Morrowind/Final Fantasy X and watching fandubbed anime. It should be noted, though, that this is normally considered an extremist point of view and that most people still form their loser identity through one or the other.

Morrowind is loved by Furries because it contains two furry races. (Both of which are completely nude when clothing is removed, as opposed to all other races having at least panties of some sort). Interestingly, they do not have any reproductive organs, though, so there is little to get excited about. The furries are used as sex slaves by the upper class nobles of Morrowind. You can even buy some yourself if you have enough Jew golds. Or you can be gay an abolitionist and free them. Either way this marks you as a Furry Lover and puts a death warrant on your head. You must have additional Jew gold in order to remove said death warrant.

Morrowind is also one of the rare games the only known game in which you can buy nigger slaves.

Races

Imperial: The Roman Catholic Caucasian of the game. Likes crusading against sand niggers and owning the whole world. So they also have Roman in them as well.

Redguard: Nigger who has skills and is a respected warrior instead of being a criminal, which would be a more accurate depiction of blacks. He will steal yo horse. (wait, there's no horses in Morrowind)

Breton: Queer who doesn't fight with weapons and instead fires flaming jizz at enemies. Have the most fabulously homosexual voice of any video game character ever. To make things worse for them, they all have French names.

Nord: Euro fag who likes sexy women and hitting people with a big hammer to compensate for his minuscule genitalia. They are all long-haired metalfags.

Orc: Like niggers, but more inbred, green and much more attractive than the average nigger. Always threatens to cannibalize your fresh corpse because they're just that hardcore.

Khajiit: THEY USED TO BE COOL BEFORE THE FURRIES CAME AND MADE THEM LOOK LIKE SHIT AND THEY ARE NOT, I REPEAT NOT FURRIES!!! They are furfags who like to steal shit. Kill on sight. The guards won't care but furries will.

Argonian: Scalies who like backstabbing. Apparently they do lizard stuff like eating bugs and hiding in caves to give passing travelers surprise buttsecks. They have sexy voices and get lots of kinky bumlove from imperial nobles. In Morrowind, since most of them are slaves, they are an equivalent of black person.

Dark Elf: Despite what one might assume they are, these people are quite the opposite. They hate everyone and especially you, for being a foreigner and stealing their land AND TOOK MAH JAWB! Since they consist over half of Morrowind's NPCs, you will repeatedly be reminded of how much they hate you.

Wood Elf: Queer Al Gore race. They don't call them Wood Elves for nothing. Religious ultra-hippies to the point that instead of even hurting poor widdle plants and animals, they eat people, čest they be stricken down by their god. Also notable for being a race that nobody likes.

High Elf: The atheists of the game. They act all high and mighty but they burn really easily. No one plays a high elf instead of a breton unless they want to look like they have jaundice or be a walking banana.

Notable Characters

• Maiq the Liar - A furfag troll, who tells you of all the wonderful things that Morrowind could have had, but didn't because it sucks. Likes eating horses (with cream sauce) and having buttsecks with sharks.
• Creeper - HE'S CREEEEEEEEPING!
• Mudcrab Merchant - Has all of the Jewgold in the game.
• Fargoth - "I have a feeling you and I are about to become... very close." He say this after you return a ring for him. Yeah...
• Vivec - An androgynous god-thing that had buttsecks with other gods-things and then killed the children that came out of their "coupling".
• Divyath Fyr - A pretty cool guy. eh fucks his dauhgters and not afraid of anything.
• Crassius Curio - The only openly gay character. In order to pass the game you have to either kiss him or strip naked in front of him. Notable for writing secksy, secksy fanfiction.
• Jobasha - A furry bookworm. Owns a porn store.

Enemy Encounters

Mods

This game was released with a construction set. This allows you to add moar armor, weapons, quests, companions, and other shit. This allows basement dwellers to prolong their game time, further chaining them to their computer. Most lonely nerds use this to install sex and nude mods so they can fap over their level 23 Imperial slut.

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Morrowind players

The typical Morrowind player is a 5"1 obese furry, for whom possession of a hoard of valuable in-game items will never fill the bottomless emotional void caused by sexual abuse from their mother, father, cousins and YOU.

Many Morrowind players complain about the absence of any elements of sex in the game. However, this is widely considered to add an extra element of realism to Morrowind, as typically its players will never have sex IRL either.

In modern times however, Morrowind players are all severe nostalgiafags. No exceptions.

Daggerfall and Arena

Arena's innovative RPG game play.

Each released over 100 years ago, both games were intended at first to create zombies for the world takeover of Bethesda Studios. However, this transformation took too long in preliminary tests (some subjects required over 9000 hours of gameplay) and this approach was saved for a later, though unannounced date (possibly an mmorpg). In their current states, each game serves as an archaic reference for before-time rpg-ers (as they would say, "before Morrowind") and take so much time to begin that your computer will turn to dust before you finish walking to the next town. Arena, the first time sinkhole from The Elder Scrolls series, boasts no graphics. It might as well be text-based. This game may have accounted for the emergence of more basement dwellers in the mid-1990's, as players were required to sit for so long they actually grew into their sofas. Daggerfall, the second in the series, was the exact same game, with bright shiny new colors. It took two IRL weeks to traverse the land. In the end, useful people chose to disregard the titles completely. These games are only used by utter failures as of the present.

Skooma

People (mostly black) will do absolutely ANYTHING for Skooma. So the question is... WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR SOME SKOOMA?

• I fucked a mudcrab for some skooma
• I sold my copy of Morrowind for skooma
• I traded my wife for skooma
• I once sold skooma for skooma
• I feel like a fucking black man sneaking into this house looking for some skooma.
• I hopped on one foot and got some skooma...
• Since I know you have some skooma... the question becomes, what would I do to you to get some skooma?
• Skooma is also very valuable. But only the Khajiit traders will buy it, this of course says a lot about furries.
• I traded a copy of Battletoads for some skooma.
• I became the Nerevarine, slew Dagoth Ur and rid Vvardenfell of the Blight and Sixth House cultists... for some Skooma.

Ways to troll Morrowind fanboys

• Tell them "Cliffracers". Just that is enough to make even the hardiest of them raeg ferociously.
• Greg Keyes's books. Despite being only a mediocre fan-fiction based on TES universe, the book managed to troll all Morrowind fanbois by having all of the actual Morrowind destroyed. An announcement from Keyes is still expected with the usual IDIFTL statement.
• Tell them the game is unbalanced to the point of being bland and boring. Also tell them that character's not having voices is just plain dumb.
• Tell them you think Oblivion and Skyrim are swell!

See also

• Amorrow
• EverQuest
• EverQuest II
• Lord of the Rings
• Modding
• The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
• The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Morrowind is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.