L. Ron Hubbard

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Clearly, L. Ron Hubbard was a FUCKING genius.

L. Ron and his sidekick Mini-Miscavige.

L. Ron Hubbard (AKA, Lumpy Ron Humpard) a complete cock smoakin' faggot that was a criminally-minded, wife-beating, drug-using, paranoid-schizophrenic, alcoholic, abortionist and satanist with an unhealthy obsession with sailors, who publicly admittedly that he created Scientology just as a means of making money. Which he did. Hubbard performed several abortions on his wife with a coat hanger. This is because he was trying to conceive the "moonchild" or a human infant possessed by the anti-Christ. He performed many satanic rituals on his wife. Hubbard didn't worship Satan, he thought he WAS Satan!

However if you are a brainwashed Scientologist then you actually believe he was the savior of mankind, bringing enlightenment to the masses for a nominal fee. If you think that, then you believe that he was a War Hero, a fantastic writer, and the founder of a major religion with thousands of loyal adherents. You also think that the current wave of protests are the work of evil space aliens looking to destroy the world. If you believe all that bullshit then you are a Niacin-eating, dictionary-crying, fake-smile giving complete Douchebag that has severe emotional problems and are totally gullible giving all your money to a cult.

Hubbard hated income taxes with a fury and all his sci-fi stories (e.g. Marcab Confederacy) treated it like the worst thing ever. But which would you rather have: income tax or all the yellow traffic lights reduced to lasting a fifth-second and machines giving everyone automated red-light-running tickets? Hubbard's confirmed violent mental illnesses spawned much of Scientology's criminality. Sometime in the 1940's, Ronnie was diagnosed by at least 2 professionals, as being paranoid, and schizophrenic.

The Early Years

Lafayette Ronald Hubbard (Known as Ronnie-winkle to Mrs. Hubbard who looked in her cupboard and saw her son fucking a child.), was born at least 100 years ago in beautiful Kansas into an ultra - orthodox Hasidic Jewish family. His parents later moved with young LRH to even more beautiful Wyoming. LRH proved to have a very active imagination - fostered by the fact that there's nothing to do in all of Wyoming except horse-on-man lovin'. According to LRH's various original biographies, by the time LRH began school, he had become a successful cowboy, a world class fighter, a literary scholar, a nun, and a member of the local Indian tribe. Beat that Jesus, you fucking twink.

Lolfail's family moved to Washington when L. Ron was 10. Soon after, a young L. Ron joined the ranks of proud Eagle Scouts like Fred Phelps, Charles Whitman, and Sam Walton. Or maybe he didn't. The Boy Scouts have no record of him doing this, but this is probably just a part of a huge conspiracy to hide the truth.

College and Becoming A War Hero

Y helo thar

Exposed on YouTube.

L. Ron enrolled in an engineering program at George Washington University. In a little over two years he managed to earn Ds and Fs in about half of his classes. However, this didn't stop L. Ron.

Oh, wait, yeah it did. LRH, looking to do something patriotic for his country, joined the Naval Reserves in 1941. According to L. Ron, when Pearl Harbor happened he was fighting off Japanese invaders in Java - where he was wounded and earned a Purple Heart, the first one earned in the whole of WWII. According to Navy records, L. Ron Was in New York City on December 7th, meaning that L Ron's biographers should really learn to use Google. Or maybe that Hubbard was fighting for the Japanese, making him in fact the ultimate weeaboo!

You're a sap, Mr. Jap!

L. Ron's military achievements look a lot like every known EDiot's genitalia: long and distinguished. LRH's first command assignment lasted a grand total of one exercise before the Naval evaluator assigned to LRH declared "FGSFDS!!" and stripped it away from him. L. Ron's second naval assignment didn't last much longer. On the very first day he got command of the boat, L. Ron swore he found a Japanese submarine off the coast of Oregon. LRH, sensing an opportunity for eternal glory launched every single piece of munitions he had into the prowling enemy. Then, wanting to share the glory, LRH called for /b/lackup in the form of four more boats and two blimps. The reinforcements confirmed that:

1. There wasn't any wreckage anywhere.
2. LRH had "found" the subs over a magnetic anomaly that might be confused for submarines.
3. LRH was a fucking noob.
4. LRH was missing half his brain.

LRH later talked about the incident to Scifags:

	“	I dropped the I-76 [sunk off the Solomon Islands three years after the incident] or the Imperial Japanese Navy Trans-Pacific Submarine down into the mouth of the Columbia River, dead duck. And it went down with a resounding furor. And that was that. I never thought about it again particularly except to get mad at all the admirals I had to make reports to because of this thing, see? This was one out of seventy-nine separate actions that I had to do with. And it had no significance, see? But the other day I was kind of tired, and my dad suddenly sprung on me the fact that my submarine had been causing a tremendous amount of difficulty in the mouth of the Columbia River. Hadn't thought about this thing for years	„
	—LOL WUT

Coronado Incident

A month later, with one flawless victory under his belt, LRH decided to take his scurvy dogs out for some target shooting. Unfortunately for LRH, he chose to anchor in Mexican territorial waters and use land owned by Mexico and inhabited by Mexicans as his