King of Braves GaoGaiGar

Queen of Fails Gao Gai Gar is, in a nutshell, a 90s Monster-of-the-week Mecha anime featuring yet another Japanese Government - Gutsy Geoid Guard, Lions, giant aliens called Zonders, and lolis. But you're not interested in the nutshell, you're interested in reading a detailed article of snobbery and lulz, so here you go.

GaoGaiGar is the final series of a series of series-es known as the Brave Series. It's called the KING of Braves because this is the only series in this series of series-es that anyone could possibly give a single fuck about.

Plot

Series

8 years before the events of KOBGGG, There was the Trinary Solar System. It had a green planet, a red planet and a purple planet. The scientists that inhabited the Purple Planet tried to make a machine that would relieve stress, but the programming went haywire and turned everyone on the planet into mindless drones bent on turning the entire universe in mindless drones. Those of the green and red planets in retaliation created "antivirus programs" against the oncoming threat - the green planet's monarchs, Cain and his wife had a kid and named him Latio and created the giant mecha lion Galeon along with 5 Genesic Machines which when merged together create the God of Destruction GaoGaiGar - The robots were powered by an infinite source of power held within magic gems called G-Stones; the red planet's monarchs, Abel and HIS wife cloned Latio to make Kaidou and formed an army of Soldats each equipped with their own spaceships powered by their own magic gems, the J-Jewel. Even with all this awesomeness, the Zonder Borg won and eventually destroyed the Trinary Solar System and began seeking the entire universe to spread their Cancer.

Galeon and Latio seek refuge to Earth. They find a couple driving in the arctic and decide to scare the living shit out of them. The husband, like anyone else would, tried getting his wife away from them but she just stood there as Galeon began to open it's giant mouth, revealing Latio inside. The couple decide to adopt Latio and name him Mamoru which in japanese means 'protect'.

2 years before the now. An astronaut named Guy Shishioh is in a rocket in space for some reason, the Zonder Mother-Ship approaches earth, it collides with Guy's ship sending it haywire and knocking Guy unconscious. Thankfully Galeon is in the vicinity of the event and saves Guy's life. The Zonder Mother-Ship finally crashes into the Earth - specifically Mikoto Utsugi's house, destroying it AND Mikoto's Parents. Galeon heads to the organisation Guy works for: the Gutsy Geoid Guard to deliver the unconscious Guy, a G-Stone in hand. GGG find that Galeon stored the technological secrets of the G-Stone and the Zonder Metal. These secrets are used to build the Gao Machines, Super AIs, etc. The Gao Machines are to fuse with Galeon to form the King of Braves GaoGaiGar; in no way like the God of Destruction GaoGaiGar.

Characters (There are a LOT of them)

Gutsy Geoid Guard (GGG)

Staff

Guy Shishioh - Guy Shishioh is your typical SSJ3 hair-style furry-mecha pilot who believes, along with everyone in the GGG, that courage can magically manipulate probability to turn 31.20% into 100%. He is an Evangelion Rule 63 and pilots the titular mecha GaoGaiGar which you later learn is incomplete throughout the entire series. In the OVA. A few years before then he was an astronaut, before the Zonder Dreadnought crashed into his rocket nearly killing him.

Mamoru Amami - Mamoru also has Goku Hair. His parents found him in the mouth of an alien robot lion in the Arctic, they found that he has a jeweled necklace and then decided to adopt him. His alien powers are an imperative key to destroying the Zonder race, when using them he glows green, the mark of the G-stone appears on his forehead, he sprouts dragonfly wings, and his hair goes super saiyan. Keep in mind he has an atrocious track record of keeping his friends conscious.

Don't do it! You're the only thing this show has going for it!

Koutarou Taiga - Taiga is the muscular cult leader of the GGG, he has the ability to overdramaticize things like approving shit, hacking a smuggled code into the GGG with a golf club, or putting a key into a machine that creates a hammer the size of a country. He is the divine pastor of courage and perseverance and looks awesome while he does it.

Swan White - Swan is one of the few Americunts involved in the GGG and is your average fanservice character, she uses Engrish all the god damn time. Not much to say about her other than that her older brother also works for GGG and that she helps Taiga turn the act of put in a key into an act of god.

Stallion White - All Stallion White was ever good for was being the blueprint for the AI of one of GGGs 42 mechas.

Geki Hyuuma - Geki is also a blueprint for the AI of one of GGGs other mechas. He has some use - some, like breaking phones when frustrated.

Kousuke Entouji - Kousuke somehoe managed to achieve an IQ of 300 despite sleeping in the GGG headquarters, having excessive dandruff and overall being a lazy fuck.

Liger Shishioh - Liger is Guy's uncle. He is the inventor of a pair of giant pliers that warp space and time, a Fus-Ro-Dah maker, and composed a song that can destroy anything you want at will.

Leo Shishioh - One of the most important members of GGG and is Guy's Dad. He is responsible for basically all of GGGs alien technology. Late in the series he plummets into Jupiter, crashing and burning in a brief moment of complete silence.

Mikoto Utsugi - Guy's Love Interest. Every single time Guy needs to use GaoGaiGar, Taiga needs to dramatically approve it, Mikoto will then dramatically push the button that initiates Final Fusion by breaking it. Costing GGG £88 million to replace the button each time.

Mechas

Galeon - The alien robot lion that harboured Mamoru in the Arctic. Because the Arctic is a great place to store a baby child. Many years later Galeon saves Guy's life after the Zonders crashed into him, and in return it was kidnapped by the GGG, anally probed by Leo for information, and forced to do their bidding.

GaiGar - GaiGar is just Galeon transformed to a humanoid form when Guy get's into it.

GaoGaiGar - GaoGaiGar is what happens when GaiGar gets gang-banged by it's 3 unholy children: DrillGao, LinerGao, and other things that end in Gao.

HyoRyu - Ice Dragon. HyoRyu is one of the first mechas built by the GGG, Despite being ED's personal 4th best mecha of the series, He has a personality of sandpaper. There's not really any material we can use. Oh wait, here's some: He can 'Symmetrical Docking' with EnRyu to form the Hyper-Robot ChoRyuJin(Super Dragon God).

EnRyu - Fire Dragon. EnRyu is to HyoRyu how Chase The Hedgehog is to Sonic: A shitty recolour no-one likes. He can't even land right; EVERY SINGLE TIME he tries he crashes, crushing several buildings. P.S. - Hyoryu and EnRyu's AI were built from scratch for 6 months; GGG uses 6-month olds to fight Zonder Robos.

Volfogg - Volfogg is the smartest of the mechas(Despite being only 3 months old), he can identify the enemies strategies and conger up methods to overcome said strategy - he just doesn't do it a lot. He has two pseudo-sentient vehicles on the side who he has a three-some with when losing a fight to create Big Volfogg. He is also more or less Mamoru's robot-father figure and bodyguard who does a much better job at it than both his adopted father AND his actual father put together.

Mic Sounders - Mic Sounders are a series of 13 mecha that defeat the Zonders with music so bad it kills you and music so good you power up, the 13th is for some reason painted red instead of cyan like the rest. Mic Sounders are the only American-built robots in the show - they're all the only truly retarded robots in the show, especially the 13th. Their two most powerful and well known attacks are Disc X and the Solitary Wave.

FuRyu - Wind Dragon.In the later half of the series, a bunch of chinese DevianTartists decided to Trace HyoRyu and EnRyu to make their own ""Original Characters.

RaiRyu - Lightning Dragon.

Allies

Kaidou Ikmui - Kaidou is, like Mamoru, an adopted alien. Except that he was raised by a single mother and that he knows everything that's going on. He knows about their heritage in the Trinary Solar System, about their necklaces, and about the zonders.

Soldato-J 002 - Soldato-J 002 is the last of the Soldats from the Red Planet. He owns a private space-ship which holds the mecha J-Der, which if plugged into the space-ship, the ship itself become King J-Der. Sadly, he's only in the latter half of the series.

Mamoru's Friends

Hana Hatsuno - Hana-chan is Mamoru's animu-haired girlfriend who at the end of the series married him. Hana's family runs a restaurant, contributing absolutely jack shit to plot or character development. Hana's older cousin Ayame Hatsuno is also animu with knowledge of the military, wrestling, and motorcycles - but still is irresponsible enough to expose her 8-year old cousin to that kind of shit. What's next? ED?

Takayasu Sunou - Best known in the series for being a wimpy attention whore who tries and fails to impress everyone with his fancy-ass gadgets - only to be brought to tears by Reiko soon after.

Reiko Komori - Reiko belongs to a really rich family. This means that she can get her parents to buy her the top notch shit, she will use that top notch shit to troll Sunou whenever he tries to show his stuff. She also has deformed feet.

Sueo "Ushi" Ushiyama -

Zonder Threat

The Zonder threat has 3 Factions and a Lone Wolf: The Zonders, The Machine Kings, The Primevals, and Zonuda. What the Zonders are trying achieve is to eradicate any life-forms capable of negative emotions, they do this by implanting "Zonder Metal" on people's foreheads turning them into Zonders. These Zonders are controlled by the Z-Program or the 31 Primevals which can merge into the Z-Master even if all but one primeval have been defeated.

The Primevals

The Heart Primeval

Pasder - Pasder is the first half of the Heart Primeval, he is the direct boss of the Four Machine Kings and has no physical form of his own; he is either the pixels of a computer screen or the spaceship he came to earth on. The GGG refer to him as EI-01.

Pagliaccio - Pagliaccio is the second half of the Heart Primeval, she is a completely emotionless doll character seen in the latter half of the series, in her first appearance Pasder falls prey to a twirl effect before she eats him (out) collecting all of Pasder's knowledge. Until the end of the series, she speaks in a completely monotonic voice and has the idiolect of a Windows 98. Not only that, but she rides a flying bouncy ball which at Pagliaccio's so-called will can open up so that she can climb into it in a circus-style acrobatic fashion for no reason.

The 7 Thugnificent Primevals

The 7 Magnificent Primevals actually have nothing magnificent about them - all they did was take possession of 7 human beings. Morphing their bodies in accordance with their body parts.

Arm Primeval - The Arm Primeval is the main source of the Z-Program's magnificence and as expected has a massive right arm which can generate gravity shockwaves. He is accompanied with the Eye Primeval.

Eye Primeval - The Eye Primeval's main and only jobs are to be a Rei Ayanami clone and predict the future by as far as 4 seconds.

Rib Primeval - The Rib Primeval is above EVERY other character in media who is given the chance he gets to kill his enemies with the flick of a finger because he actually takes that chance. He has the power to disintegrate anything and everything at will with his ribs. He is once caught in a room with 3 GGG members and attempts to use it, but it somehow takes 7 hours this time rather than 7 seconds. The GGG members are able to stop him before being deleted.

Liver Primeval - The Liver primeval's power has absolutely nothing to do with a man's Liver, not even symbolically; his liver isn't even exaggerated. His power is to regenerate anything he likes and it actually comes of use, even if HE is disintegrated he is able to regenerate himself. This power was original there to cover Rib's ass.

Nail Primeval - The Nail Primeval for no reason possessed a gay clown and has since adopted the personality of a gay clown. He also has no knowledge on maintaining hygiene as he keeps his nails as long as the span of his hand and sharper than razor wire, this actually comes of use as he can use his nails to cut holes in the floor to escape through.

Ear Primeval - The Ear Primeval is completely incapable of putting on a humanoid stance so he loco-motions like a dog. He is basically Nail's pet. His ears contain piercings which he can shoot people's foreheads with turning them into ~~Zonders~~ Zombies.

Intestine Primeval - The Intestine Primeval chose of all people to possess Kaidou's adopted mom. She uses her Intestines to either create Black Holes or wrap them around people.

The Four Machine Kings

The Four Machine Kings are a race of what are known as Zonder-ians. Zonderians are basically Evolved Zonders. This means that they have actual sentience and like EVERY other alien can speak in a human language.

Primarda - Primarda's spirit vehicle is the Car. Primarda is the type o' gal who can hardly take anything seriously - we aren't joking here, this bitch dances in the most inappropriate times. She dances during a meeting, she dances when infecting humans with her Zonder seed. In her final moments she does the dumbest thing a Zonder elite CAN do: dive head first into a beacon of G-Stone energy, the only thing that can kill her.

Pizza - Pizza's (Yes that's his name) spirit vehicle is the Aeroplane. After Soldato-J 002 failed to Defeat the Zonder Hacktivists, he wondered his planet's desert until exhaustion. Afterwards Pinchernone found him and infected him with Zonder Metal, turning him into 'Pizza'.

Pinchernon - Pinocchio's spirit vehicle is the Boat. Pincher non is the Zonder-ized form of Soldato-J 002's J-Ark's computer; don't even ask how the Zonder Army managed to do this. Even though this raggedy wooden sailor is responsible for the being of Pizza, he is Pizza's left-hand man.His subordinate. <\div>

OVA Characters

Renais Shishioh-Cardiff - Renais Shishioh-Cardiff is Guy's cousin - Liger's daughter. There's probably some Rule 34 of all three of them on DevianTART or somewhere. Renais is an unfortunate victim of the underground science organisation dubbed Bionet held in France. They turned her into a Cyborg but were met with a glitch: Her body would generate LARGE amount of heat, so much so that contact with her has been shown to burn people and she is forced to were a cooling coat at all times.

The 11 Soul Masters

The 11 Soul Masters are the program meant for resurrecting the Trinary Solar System, unfortunately it takes all the Dark Matter in the universe to accomplish this.

Palparepa - Palparepa, like Onision, believes he's god; Palparepa, unlike Onision, is God. Palparepa is a master of neurochemical manipulation - so much so that he can and did invent a headset that made anyone who wore it a slave to him. Palparepa has his own mecha which he makes out of a gigantic chemical, this mecha wields 8 syringes that he can use to form a device called "God and Devil"; the counter to GaoGaiGar's "Hell and Heaven" or inject himself with Kool-Aid to transform his mecha into a jagged snake pit called "Palparepa Prajna", from then on said snakes can be used to inject his enemies with nano-viruses to fuck them over. He is one of the 3 of the 11 Soul Masters that can actually speak.

Pillnus - Pillnus is the Soul Master counterpart to Renais. Her personality is what you get when you take Primarda and turn her into a B,D&S fetishist.

Pia Decem - Pia Decem is the Grim Reaper. Born from J-002, he wields the most boring scythe ever constructed and a Mecha the size of King J-Der, unfortunately Palus Abel is forced to speak FOR him. The guy is just a massive mystery. <\div>

Fact File

Guy has the same voice actor as Adult Link from Ocarina of Time and Viral from Gurren Lagann: Nobuyuki Hiyama
Gurren Lagann borrowed SO much from this anime while still being much better.
Guy is like Claus from Mother 3: Both were brought to near-death by mechanical entities, revived as cyborgs by organisations, wield kick-ass blades, and were brainwashed by old people with god complexes and spirit animals.
King of Braves GaoGaiGar and Betterman share the same universe, but the only evidence of this are the Ushi Brothers, Papillion, and Ayame.
In 2007 Guy is reincarnated into the Cyborg Butler and appeared on Hayate the Combat Butler, who has all of GaoGaiGar's attacks. SynergySP disappoints us once more.