FLCL

BREAKING NEWS!!
ZOMG THEY ARE MAKING TWO SEQUELS TO FLCL!1!111

This is Haruko. She likes little boy penis.

FLCL, also known as "My First Erection Joke: The Anime", or Furi Kuri in Moonspeak, is an an anime about erections, shotas, space aliens, and reaching deep inside a young boy's body under the pretense of finding magical guitars. It is Pedobear's second favorite anime. Directed by Kazuya Tsurumaki, who is Hideaki "I made Evangelion, you know!" Anno's little protégé. The animation is by GAINAX. (Pronounced "Gay-Nacks", we promise.)

Plot

Each episode focuses on a new character in a desperate attempt to stop viewers getting bored with FLCL's mind-numbing 151 minute running time.

Episode Guide

Fooly Cooly

Naota Nandamba is a boy growing up in an awesome town where a non-stop stream of awesome shit happens. Because Naota is an emo suck crybaby, he lives in denial of how awesome his life is, and mopes around all day, swinging his bat.

His life changes when an alien space cougar caves in his skull with a bass guitar. Before he knows it, a giant dick keeps exploding from his forehead.

The first time this happens a random robo-hand and a robot with an old television set for a head pops of Naota's immature forehead penis, the latter of which is named Canti (for reasons no one cares about). Canti then proceeds to kick the living shit of the robo-hand, for prior to being ejaculated from Naota's secondary penis, it had groped Canti's dick too hard.

Fire Starter

This episode focuses on Mamimi Samejima, who likes to set shit on fire for the lulz when she's not making out with the 12 year old brother of her ex-boyfriend. And yet another dick explodes from Naota's forehead, this time in Mamimi's face. For whatever reason, the robot that develops out of this hot batch of jizz decides it would be cool to kick Canti's ass. Finding this unfunny, Canti takes Naota by the scruff and eats/chews him like a gummy vitamin. Now pumped up like Popeye on spinach, Canti rapes the new robot with a swift kick in the balls, and finishes him by somehow transforming into a Howitzer and blowing up half of the neighborhood.

Marquis de Carabas

Focus now falls on Eri Ninamori, the Mayor's daughter, who wants to star in Puss in Boots. A model student with a dark heart. A giant robot (which doesn't look like a dick, in an amazing change of tone) comes out of her head, and she loses her underwear. Naota grows cat ears. Robot gets killed by curry and heavy gunfire. Mamimi has sexual intercourse with a cat. Kenny makes a cameo appearance.

Full Swing

This episode is all about how Haruko "plays for the other team", and how Naota "can't swing his bat." Kamon winds up stuffed under the kitchen sink so Haruko can make out with a robot duplicate. Then everyone takes drugs, and trips amazeballs as a giant baseball falls out the sky.

Brittle Bullet

While FLCL is mostly about frustrated Japanese people who can't get laid and can't tell a funny joke to save themselves, this episode is about frustrated Japanese people with gun-envy. Tries to rip-off South Park by having Naota turn into Kenny, and fails miserably. A gigantic penis explodes from Naota's forehead and shoots between Mamimi's supple 17 year old thighs. Then Haruko turns up on a flying guitar dressed in a bunny outfit, while Canti, yet again, takes his shota vitamins and beats the fuck out of yet another unsuspecting cumcreation.

FLCLimax

Unlike the previous 5 episodes, this episode makes absolutely no sense. That's all you need to know. Stuck-up weeaboos like to call this "A Gainax Ending". Naota discovers what it means to be a man - act like a dick to the only woman who was ever nice to you, while doing whatever the crazy child-molesting cougar asks of you. In the end, the two women he loved the most rage quit on him for being a whiny faggot. Millions of butthurt fantards demanded a sequel, but GAINAX had remained silent until they eventually got what they wanted... just kidding, the new sequels are noting but small cash-ins with one-dimensional characters and shittier stiff animation produced by Production I.G. alone.

Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

FLCL Joke Formula

FLCL has four basic joke formulas and recyles them endlessly.

Violence + Pun + Erection.

Pun + Erection + Panties.

Pop culture reference + Erection + Pun.

Child Molestation + Pun + Guitars.

In attempt to overcome their crippling racial handicap of being about as funny as Seth MacFarlane, the cunning Japs decided to rip off everything they could lay their greedy little hands on. FLCL consists of endless pop culture refences only five actual Japanese people get. However weeaboos like to pretend they understand everything, and will chortle every time any character opens their mouth, as they eat onigiri dipped in wasabi sauce.

The Cast

FLCL has an amazing cast of wacky, completely original characters mostly recycled from Evangelion.

Naota Nandamba is the überpussy 12 year old main character. Acts like a typical whiny emo asian kid despite every female character in the series believing that he is more well endowed than 2 grown men. This should come as a surprise however, since given the fact that he constantly has cocks coming out of his head, one would be led to believe that he is a total faggot. Like Shinji Ikari, except less likely to masturbate to comatose chicks.

Namon "Mon-chan" Nandamba is Naota's father, and he runs the Nandamba bakery. Massive Evangelion nut. The bakery appears in the fanwank known as Evangelion 2.0.

Shigekuni Nandaba is Naota's grandfather. Nobody cares about him.

Haruko Haruhara is many things. Maid, alien, agent of the Galactic Space Patrol Brotherhood. She roams the planets looking for sweet shota to molest. But when she's not grooming young boys, she searches for Atomsk, the Space-Pirate King-Parrot-Thingie who will give her the power to steal entire planets. And molest all their young boys. Does something questionable to Naota's cat in order to communicate with her superiors. Likes pulpy things, i.e. things with a certain viscosity (like shota cum). Not at all based on Misato Katsuragi.

Mamimi Samejima is a 17 year old with a taste for young boys, and in fact tries to suppress Naota's development into a man, because she wants him to stay a shota forever.

Eri Ninamori is Pedobear's favorite FLCL character. She's a 12 year old girl, but she acts so grown up.

Commander Amarao is one of Haruko's previous abuse victims. The truth is that he was never abused: he's just raging that Haruko wouldn't fuck him because his dick was too small. Has the world's manliest eyebrows.

Kitsurubami is a brown skinned girl who is Amarao's butt-monkey. If FLCL were American, she'd be a nigger, but since Japanese people are crazy, it's impossible to tell if her skin is actually brown, or she's just wearing more makeup than Michael Jackson.

Canti, or KANCHI, depending on how wapanese you are, is a big red robot with a TV for a head. Provides the vore quota by eating Naota whole and shitting him out.

Tasuku Nandaba ran away to America, the land of blonde-haired supermodels. Some might argue he went there to play baseball. Others will argue that he only went to America because FLCL is a 151 minute dick-sucking homage to America.

Buster-Kun

The music for FLCL was provided by the shitty Japanese band "The Pillows", or Za Pirōzu, depending on how wapanese you are, and their mascot is a British bear they bought while visiting a small shop owned by Satan himself. Unknown to innocent fans, Buster-kun is believed by experts to be Pedobear's estranged brother. Or cousin, depending on which expert you talk to.

Their music consists of emo rock they ripped off from britpop bands such as Oasis and The Beatles.

FLCL Progressive & Alternative

In 2016, two new sequels of FLCL were announced by Production I. G. and Adult Swim/Toonami. Like most reboots/sequels, both of these new seasons are shit and manage to be worse than the original. Tsurumaki himself didn't even want to associate with the new seasons and had nothing to do with them. The new seasons were so bad not even the most hardcore Adult Swim fanboys/weeaboos could stomach them.

Progressive

File:Hidomi FLCL Progressive.png

Episode 1. RE Start

The episode starts off with Hidomi having a nightmare. Almost the entire dream sequence features Hidomi half naked with torn clothes, so I'd suggest you to skip over it unless you want a visit from Chris Hansen later tonight. Her alarm wakes her up (who didn't see that coming) after a good 3-4 minutes of panty shots. She walks down to see her mother greeting her with a nice breakfast, but she completely ignores her like the emo cunt she is. We then transition to Hidomi's school, where we meet Ide talking to a nigger and a vanilla ape about having sex with his teacher. The teacher then makes an entrance and starts the class by sitting the students down to watch porn. After school, Hidomi serves a few old men at her mother's cafe. After work, she meets her single mother outside of the restaurant and some random dyke with dyed hair hit her with a car. After recieving severe brain damage from the impact of the car, Hidomi browses the internet like a typical no-life teenager and then suddenly a random robot appears and kicks her ass. After getting bitch-slapped around the same faggot from earlier shows up and takes her to their city's local junk yard where he proceeds to rape her. Also Haruko shows herself at the last minute and ends up being Hidomi's new teacher (again, who didn't see this coming?).

Episode 2. Freebie Honey

Like the last episode, Hidomi wakes up from another dream because the writers of this show have to use the same plot device every time because anime is so original. Hidomi shows up to school, where Haruko can be seen brainwashing our youth like the kike she is. After Haruko is done giving her cult-like speech to the children, she meets up with Hidomi personally and tells her to give a paper to Ide. After school ends Hidomi heads over to Ide's house to give him the paper. She makes her way through the neighborhood with Ide's fat friend. They both proceed to break an entering and find Ide being whipped by a big black man. After Ide's hour long beating, he tries to pawn off illegal weaponry and gets his ass stomped by a few Japanese punks. Hidomi and the fatty watch without helping, giving us no explanation as to how long they had actually been standing there. Hidomi then orgasms as she watches Ide get his ass beat. Another unnecessary transition is made and Hidomi and Ide are now in his bedroom, when all of a sudden Haruko interrupts them because this show has the most original writing of all time. Then the dyke from the last episode shows up and wrecks their shit.

File:Ide Whipped.png

Episode 3. Stone Skipping

The episode starts off with yet another dream sequence. Then a random title card appears and it cuts to the beach for no reason at all without any background information on why or how the group got there, most likely just for fan service. Haruko molests a few of the boys for a bit and then the fatass invites his prostitute to get in on the action. They play volley ball for a few minutes while the dyke reads off some of her poetry. Ide finds out Hidomi is missing and tries to look for her. After another few minutes of filler, he finds Hidomi strapped to a chair with her panties on screen being raped by Haruko.

Episode 4. LooPQR

For once the episode doesn't start off with a meaningless dream sequence. After last episode's events, Hidomi is now completely braindamaged and is running rampantly in the streets. Jinyu, Haruko and Ide all team up in order to help Hidomi. Marco notices Hidomi's mental handicap as she's running past him and like all niggers, decides to date rape her. So he gets a job at an amusement park so he can afford to buy her a present. Fortunately it back fired on him and the old man running the establishment proceeded to rape him. Like always Ide and the others fail and Haruko vores Jinyu.

Episode 5. Fool on the Planet

The episode starts off with, you guessed it, a dream sequence. The art style also changes for no reason but the directors failed to realize that changing art styles doesn't make the show any more interesting. Haruko got fat and told her class she was pregnant and told them all to skip school. Haruko tries to rape Hidomi again and Ide rages. Then Ide tries to be a tough guy and fight her while playing BGM from the original series because muh nostalgia. Haruko then pins Ide down and rapes him with her massive throbbing girl cock. Hidomi catches a glimpse of the action and has multiple orgasms, and then sucks Ide into her forehead like a vacuum and kills him. Then she cries like a bitch, and turns into some half-human monstrosity later for no reason whatsoever.

Episode 6. Our Running

Last episode of the season. Episode begins with Haruko laughing/screeching like a banshee, and Hidomi raging. The entire city is destroyed by giant cum globs and some minor backstory was explained... wait never mind that was a lie. Canti appears in this episode for comedic relief like something you'd see in a new Star Wars film. Atomsk appears but Haruko fails to catch him like always and Ide comes back from the dead; so in other words, nothing happened in this series. The 'mysterious' dreams from the first three episodes were also never explained, and everybody lived happily ever after.

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Alternative

File:Kana-FLCL-Alt.jpg

In the second new season, the cast is now a bunch of teenage girls; basically turning the show into a generic slice of life stock anime. The cast isn't really special or interesting, just typical caucasian teenage anime school girls. But because these new seasons were basically made for the west, they added a fat character that the show rags on half the time because Japan is progressive now. Speaking of the anime being made for the west, the Japs themselves hated Alternative (which was released in movie form before the Americans got their greasy hands on it) but there is still a lot of defense of the show in Murica because Adult Swim fanboys and casual otaku will defend anything that airs on Toonami.

The Manga

The manga adaptation of FLCL has the same characters and loosely the same plot, but is in fact completely different. It's more HARDCORE, and BADASS. Some differences include Ninamori keeping her balloon robot that bursts from her head, and then proceeds to float around for the rest of the series like a severely autistic person let loose in a Wal-Mart. In this version Naota actually permabans his dad when he finds out he fucked Haruko. The ending is just as fucking crazy as the anime, with everyone screaming, guitar fights, Naota's grandpa suicide bombs Medical Mechanica, then Haruko fucks off back to space and Ninamori tries to catch Naota on the rebound. The only reason anyone reads it is because Haruko and Mamimi have 11% more les-yay, and Haruko gleefully shits all over Japanese culture.

Trolling FLCL fans

Ask them to show you one single scene from FLCL which is funny enough to induce actual laughter. Then proceed not to laugh.
Ask them whether all their favorite anime shows involve child molestation, or just this one.
Suggest Uwe Boll could make a kick-ass live action adaption.
Suggest FLCL is just Evangelion with fewer robots and more child molestation.