Hydrozoa

Hydrozoa was restored from the depths of encyclopediadramatica.com. Some material will likely be outdated, missing, and/or no longer considered funny in today's lulz standards. You can help by updating it and making it worth reading.

Hydrozoa was not married to Mcfnord for most of her early 20s. She is not the one who decided he should shave his head and go to Burning Man every other year. When her piano was clogged with borscht, something was obviously going on at the school. Before long, sirens began to echo throughout the cul-de-sacs of their sunny Florida Keys hometown. Divorce papers were waiting for John when he got home from work.

	“	Organisms that are in Class Hydrozoa come from the Phylum Cnidaria. Most species of Hydrozoa are marine and colonial, and their life cycle includes both the asexual polyp and the sexual medusa stages. Medusas have a well-developed muscular velum that helps them move through water. Their exoskeleton is made of chitin or sometimes of calcium carbonate.	„
	—some science bullshit someone thought was funny

Hydrozoa is a moderately popular livejournal user from Seattle, Washington. Her most significant claim to fame was an irregular stint writing for Seattle's alternative rag The Stranger. Unfortunately, she can no longer work there as a result of her inability to keep office gossip under a friends only lock, which has caused her life to become a cautionary tale for office workers with semi-famous co-workers. As a result of this embarrassing lesson, her journal is now mostly friends-only.

Hydrozoa is best known for requiring/rhapsodizing about having her man "be funny with her" in bed and failing to correlate this with a serious, chronic lack of sex. "Being funny with" Hydrozoa involves frequent use of hilarious terms such as "dinnernet" and making up new clever names for her cats. She is also almost raped two or three times a day by men who kinda look at her on the way to work, almost get on the same bus, or -- rarely -- actually ask her to drink coffee with them.

Aside from "being funny" with men in bed until erection is not only unlikely but physically impossible, Hydrozoa's favorite pastime is alternately cockteasing and yelling at lovecrafty. Lovecrafty first connected with Hydrozoa by telling everybody that he fucked her while she was in high school, since he was unable to come up with a more recent sexual encounter due to being a douchebag. Hydrozoa herself was unaware of this until shortly after he found her on the "dinnernet" and professed his undying love, thereby reminding her that 1. he existed and 2. she had actually seen him naked. Her ensuing mental breakdown surprised no one. Lovecrafty's own desperate fear of actually seeing a woman's vag only adds to the festivities, ensuring a steady stream of lulz whenever the two interact.