User:PrivateSnowballTFC/Now That's What I Call Music

Now That's What I Call Music! is another shitty compilation of one-hit wonder pop songs that nobody will give a fuck about in 2 years. Started in 1983, it's pretty much Kidz Bop for adults, the only difference being there are over 9000 albums, as opposed to just 17, of the same regurgitated bullshit over and over again. It was invented because mindless dumbfucks don't have an opinion about anything, so they rely on corporate shills to decide their taste in music for them. These CDs have featured many ground-breaking artists mainly consisting of talentless white people and niggers who think they're Edgar Allen Poe and/or Al Capone (even though the latter died of syphilis, lulz). You can hear the entire discography on MTV, as this is the only bullshit they ever play.

It started back in the 80s when some britfag dipshit was doing LSD and thought to himself "Hey, let's make a compilation of shitty music and sell it!" Apparently, everyone else in the room must have been high, because there are now 80 different volumes of the same bullshit released on a regular basis in July, and November of EVERY YEAR SINCE 1983. The commercials are just generic product-placement bullshit, with graphics a 13-year-old boy could do in Windows Movie Maker by randomly placing music videos and having some faggot do voice-overs.

It Just Gets Worse

Unsatisfied with contaminating England with their faggotry, they decided to release these cumstains of CDs to the entire fucking world. But wait, there is more: they also decided to release various spin-offs of Now!, including (but not limited to)...

• Now Dance
• Now That's What I Call Xmas (lol christians must love this one)
• Now That's What I Call Comic Relief (For once, I agree with them)
• Now That's What I Call The 1990s (as opposed to the 1890s? or the 1790s?)
• Now Esto Es Musica! Latino

Best Of

They also did the same thing as fucking Kidz Bop, and made a goddamn Best Of series. Seriously, it's like looking into a fucking mirror: it's the same goddamn thing. Even more stupid is the Lil Wayne is on some of the "Best Of" series. They should just name this whole fucking sham "Now That's What I Call Corporate Bullshit."

Typical Listeners

This is a list of people who most likely listen to this crap:

• Chris-chan
• Boxxy
• Furfags
• Your mom
• E-whores
• Camwhores
• 16 year old girls
• 13 year old boys
• Jocks
• Cheerleaders
• MTV producers
• Jared Milton (no seriously)
• Uwe Boll
• You

Now That's What I Call Music! ED Edition

Here is a list of artists that truly deserve to be on something like this...

• Fat Larry's Band
• Anal Cunt
• Dying Fetus
• Mr. Bongo
• Torsofuck
• Deicide
• Tom Green
• Stormtroopers Of Death
• Oingo Boingo
• MC Vagina
• John Williams (at this point, they probably will make one just for him)

Trivia

• According to TOW, the original makers of Now! were trying to re-issue/recycle music tracks for additional revenue.
• The reason Budd Dwyer killed himself is not because he lost his iPod, but rather because he heard the latest edition of Now That's What I Call Music!

See Also

• Kidz Bop
• The Naked Brothers Band
• Jonas Brothers
• Justin Bieber
• Gay
• MTV
• Shit nobody cares about
• Budd Dwyer

PrivateSnowballTFC/Now That's What I Call Music is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.

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