Minneapolis

Minneapolis is the largest city in Minnesota.

Minneapolis, seen here during Road Construction. Note lack of traffic.

Overview

The Artist Formerly Known as the Only Black Person in Minnesota. He soon left.

Minneapolis was founded when old Scandanavian men needed a place to go away from their wives and ice-fish in peace. It is believed a lot of homosexual behavior was also involved.

Demographics

It's all Swedes. White as snow and about as exciting. The disenfranchised minorities and native americans compete for scraps of Chipolte from the mouths of the art students and to make friends with their genious children. Minneapolis is infested with niggers.

Climate

Minneapolis receives between one buttload and five metric-fuck-tons of snow each year. They have two seasons: Winter and Road Construction. Commute times are the same, either due to snow and ice or the closing off of all but one lane on one road for Construction season. It is fucking cold, jeezuz christ doncha know, and no one knows why we're still here.

Culture

Typical Minnesotan home.

Citizens stay inside and watch TV or go on the internets. Idiots like to sculpt ice in the winter, irritating the rest of the populace with their stupid news features and festivals. Hunkering down for winter, Minnesotans wanted to ensure a good supply of late night comedy and so elected Jesse Ventura as their Governor in 1998. It is the only time in history that Ventura came before Schwarzenegger in the credits.

Minneapolis is also home to at least 100 scenesters for its faggy music scene and numerous coffeehouses. Also, the weather provides a perfect catalyst for cutting, because the blood running down one's arms provides exceptional warmth.

One beneficial aspect of the cold weather is a complete lack of homeless people. J.D. Power and Associates dubbed Minneapolis "Murderapolis" in honor of its lethal winters.

Minnesotans speak "Scandahoovian", a dialect of English.

Recently the most popular activity in Minneapolis has become protesting; at least 100 people showed up in front of the local Church of Scientology branch on both February 10th and March 15th asking them to please GTFO, or we'll fill your lobby with lutefisk. Given that 100 people accounts for roughly 10% of the entire population of Minneapolis in the winter, it can safely be assumed that Minnesota haet Scientology.

The concrete abomination the Minnesotan's call the Metrodome produced lulz of epic proportions when it's roof fell due to over 9,000 cubic tons of snow piling up on top of it. This event coupled with the 35W bridge collapse raises the question of why the fuck people still live there.

The mass murderer of 9, Jeff Weise, was born and raised here in his early days.

Economy

There are only two things you can buy in Minneapolis; food and coats. It is the closest thing America has to communism with every citizen receiving a free TV, fishing pole and internet connection.

Minneapolis is also home to the University of Minnesota, which offers study in the fields of douchebaggery, marijuana education, advanced beer drinking, women's studies, and modern homosexual fashion trends.

I-35W Bridge Collapse

in ur hiway eatin ur carz

On August 1, 2007, the city of Minneapolis divided by zero on the I-35W bridge. OH SHI--