Mark Gormley

Mark Gormley is an internet musical sensation and the first major YouTube celebrity of 2009. A native of Pensacola, Florida, Mr. Gormley wrote his epic compositions as far back as the late 1970's. The brutal sincerity of his lyrics, coupled with his unpretentiously ursine appearance, endeared himself to the e-public. He holds the rare distinction of being one of the few internet stars to receive unanimous support and praise from all corners of the internet, his YouTube video comments depicting him as a god among men. Also, his size/age to voice pitch ratio is the direct inverse of fellow internet celebrity Tay Zonday's, which may have some yet unknown cosmological significance. His resemblance to a computer composite of every sex offender in the national registry or a strange man who dresses in longjohns is also cause for speculation. It remains to be seen how far Gormley's new-found fame shall take him. He is also well known for his epic powerstance and ability to superimpose himself onto any image of his choosing.

Without You

Arguably the most well-known song of Mark Gormley's is his hit single "Without You", which was produced by the space-happy Phil Thomas Katt - a known Jewish porn director and sex offender. In Katt's introduction to the music video for "Without You", he appropriately describes it as very, very intense. Phil Thomas Katt's or PTK webpage is prime ground for the trolling http://www.philthomaskatt.com/. PTK has been awesome enough to leave a java answering machine for us to make fun of his haircut on. In the song, Gormley exposes two sides of his personality.

Vengeful Gormley is Vengeful.

SAD GORMLEY:

Here I sit with a cigarette burning

All alone and you're not here

All by myself and no one to talk to

Thinkin' bout you, girl is all I can do

VENGEFUL GORMLEY:

Pulling a point, is that all you think of?

Putting another prize on the wall

Don't play around with my affections, woman!

Someone you know, not someone you call

Gormley has a range of talent which makes Shakespeare look like Dr. Seuss.

Gormley Powerstance

Who needs ASCII when there's a .GIF

Additionally, many of Mark's video's are notable for the "Gormley Powerstance". This stance can easily be replicated using basic ASCII art.

(Use with caution)

    o
   /[]\
    |\

    o
   /[]\
    ||

    o
   /[]\
    /|

INTENSE!!1!

Mark Gormley Inquiring about his power stance whilst fishing. Kerry G. foolishly states, "Stance does not make a difference in fishing." She later leaves the chat out of shame.

Many people have tried to replicate the Gormley Powerstance, and many have failed. The origins of the name "Gormley Powerstance" are unknown. Though this critical moment in time is not yet documented, currently three separate Archeological teams are currently working on uncovering its origins. One thing, however, is for sure: it's INTENSE.

In fact, the only things that are more intense than the Gormley Powerstance are his collection of intense music videos

The Future?

What does the future hold for the next star of the lucrative Youtube music scene? Will he succumb to hookers and blow? Will his life revolve around getting upskirt pictures while getting into a limo? In an Uncharted Zone Exclusive Special Report, Michele Carnley interviews Mark Gormley.

	“	Uhhh, well right now, it's a bit overwhelming. You know, when I did this, I just did it for fun. Something to do, something therapeutic. You know, just good stuff to do and errrr, just overwhelmed.	„
	—Mark on what he thinks of YouTube fame.

	“	Beginnings, because it's the hardest to live by. It's been there 30 years, and it's lasted this long, so errr, it proved itself to ME, so errr, that's the way it is.	„
	—Mark on his favourite song from his album.

	“	I need to get my calluses back and start playing again.	„
	—Mark on how he's been spending his spare time.

	“	Oh no, I just, I needed to learn how to play the guitar again.	„
	—Mark on if he will succumb to hookers and blow.

	“	[Bob]Dylan, Rush, James Taylor, Jimmi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin... Boston, I like them too.	„
	—Mark on his musical inspirations.

	“	I've seen Rush, and I've seen errr, James Taylor, but I never did see any of those other guys.	„
	—Mark on which of those bands he's seen.

	“	Not now.	„
	—Mark on if he will accept offers to perform on TV

	“	Start looking for a significant other.	„
	—Mark on his plans for the future.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Unfortunately for everyone, Mark has turned down a few major offers to promote himself, such as concert bookers as well as appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! where other Internet sensations have gone, like Tay Zonday. It seems like Mark is too big of a pussy to get over his reclusiveness, so as the result, he'll be stuck in Pensacola, Florida forever, wasting his time with The Uncharted Zone making more low-budget shit videos. In other words, he will continue to rob the mainstream music world of a terrific singer-songwriter, so we'll now all be stuck with more shit like Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and the Jonas Brothers. Damn it, Mark, how could you?!?!