Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/October 13, 2024

Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith, or Blunty3000 (aka Deviloftas and real name Nate Burr) is a short fat bearded, chainsmoking screenwriter, actor, and director from New Jersey who has jumped the shark and now really wishes he were Joss Whedon, which is a sad statement of how bad his career has become in and of itself. Kevin's physical appearance very much resembles that of a Portuguese garden gnome. He is also a comic book author, but no one really gives a shit.
He began his career with edgy, indie works like Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy, which were hailed as revolutionary and genius because they featured such universally appealing topics as marijuana, blasphemy, lesbians, and fucking dead people in convenience store restrooms, thus elevating Smith to demigod status among fangirls, scene kids, and stoners alike. This is the reason why you will find "Kevin Smith" listed as an interest] in the LiveJournal of nearly everyone.
As per tradition, as soon as Smith gained critical acclaim and worldwide populatirty, he immediately sold out and lost all his talent. His more recent films are all indistinguishable slurg that feature Jennifer Lopez getting married then dying, and/or Ben Affleck performing auto-fellatio for 120 minutes. Old-school fans have been known to frantically begin sawing away at their wrists with their own teeth at the mere mention of Jersey Girl.
Fans continue to hold out hope for Smith's triumphant return from mediocrity and are advised to seek medication. As of late, people seem to think he's made a comeback by making a sequel to his only "good" movie (Mr. Smith Quits the Film Industry, 1999), titled Mr. Smith Gets a Lobotomy. But they're all perverted sickos.
Smith is often seen with Jason Mewes as Jay and Silent Bob. The pair were the most popular characters from the original Clerks movie and, as a result of this and never one to pass up a chance to hammer a joke home, Smith has included them in every single fucking movie since.
Smith is also incapable of making a decision - he claims to hate the Tim Burton Batman films and claims that Michael Keaton was a poor choice, yet ass-kisses both of them on the DVD bonuses. He insults Burton for minuscule "changes" to the source even though he was willing to bend over for the producer of a failed Superman movie and write a Superman that didn't fly and had Doomsday riding a mechanical spider. More recently, despite all his fanboyism and hate against corporate Superhero movies that ignore source material, he surprisingly raved his best friend, Ben Affleck's Batman Versus Superman despite its glaring middle finger to the comic industry and Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns that it so badly wants to be. Smith no doubt hits up Mewes' own drug stash periodically.
Recently, Southwest Airlines kicked Smith off of one of their airplanes, allegedly because he is such a big fat fuck that he couldn't fit into one of their ridiculously small and crowded seats. Smith retaliated by trying to stir up a shitstorm on Twitter that only succeeded in him being made the biggest, walking fat joke since John Candy.

(( He Might, Finally, Have Harvey Weinstein's Dick Out Of His Ass ))

What have I missed?	The Coffin of Andy and Leyley 2 days ago	Zombie 4 days ago	Final Fantasy VII Remake 6 days ago