- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Donnie Darko
Donnie Darko is a David Lynch-wannabe movie about a fucked up white (surprise, surprise...) kid, played by indie darling Jake Gyllenhaal, who talks to a rabbit, has daytime hallucinations, might be psychic (or some shit like that), and somehow dies in the plane crash from the begining an apparent month after it happens.
|
This article needs moar lulz. You can help by adding moar lulz. |
The movie almost immediately gained a cult following, especially among teenagers, largely due to the name "Darko" and due to the film's insane amount of pretentiousness. Of course, since many Darko faggots use LiveJournal, dozens of Donnie Darko-related communities popped up. Hundreds of LJ users have Donnie Darko-inspired names and are devoted to their favorite movie. Any criticism of the film is taken to heart, and they will react violently.
Detractors will often be berated by fanboys who say "YOU DIDN'T GET IT! IT WAS DEEP!" Because we all know how deep a movie is when they've got a guy putting his hand down his pants and thinking about Christina Applegate.
A favorite of scene, emo, goth, anime freaks, and various other teenager subcultures. Asking any of the above to explain what the fuck the film is about, or indeed asking anyone at all will result in so much utter confusion and pain that their heads will explode, even if they have a perfect internal explanation of it. The entire film is what would happen if Yoko Ono and Steven Spielberg got really high on K2 and looked at a box of strawberry Quik while brainstorming film ideas, and let's face it, it probably is.
ICO totally ripped off the lame-ass ending.
Pretentiousness In All Its Glory
Donnie nearly gets hit by a falling jet engine; OMG WHERE DID IT COME FROM!!1. Lots of shit happens afterwards, most of which is boring and supposed to be "deep," as any fanboy would tell you. This includes Donnie burning down a motivational speaker's home and revealing buttloads of CP. Donny also shoots some kid in the head because he accidentally ran over Donnie's girlfriend. Bitch had it coming. Also, there's a Sparkle Motion interlude. In the end, Donnie chooses to let the jet engine fall on him, causing a wormhole that restarts the entire movie, only this time Donnie's dead. This is the most pretentious ending ever, and why all the indie emo faggots like it. They think it's mega cool that a loser just like them would sacrifice their self to save all the dickheads that ruined their life. But because they're emo faggots, they'd rather praise a movie than take Donnie's example and kill themselves like the movie says they should. Have you heard of that one religion? Scientology? Yeah. That is totally based off of this movie. But seeing as none of them have become an hero yet only contributes to the fact that they're doing it wrong.
Proof this movie is deep!
Donnie Darko has the deepest and most profound quotes EVAR! EVAR!!! Here's some that prove it!
Ronald Fisher: Beer and pussy. That's all I need.
Sean Smith: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.
Ronald Fisher: Smurfette?
Sean Smith: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck.
Sean Smith: That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.
Ronald Fisher: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.
Sean Smith: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?
Ronald Fisher: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.
Sean Smith: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape.
Donnie: [shouts] First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
Ronald Fisher: [pause] Dammit, Donnie. Why you gotta get all smart on us?
Does that not prove this movie has deep spiritual overtones?! How about this:
Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you still think about girls a lot?
Donnie: [Under hypnosis] Yeah.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: How are things going at school?
Donnie: I think about girls a lot.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: I asked you about school, Donnie.
Donnie: I think about fucking a lot, in school.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: What else do you think about, when you're at school?
Donnie: Married With Children.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you think about your family?
Donnie: I just turn down the volume and think about fucking Christina Applegate.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: I asked you about your family.
Donnie: [Chuckling] No, I don't think about fucking my family, that's gross.
And it teaches valuable life lessons!
Donnie: You are such a fuckass.
Elizabeth: Did you just call me a fuckass? You can go suck a fuck.
Donnie: Oh, please, tell me Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?
Samantha Darko: What's a fuckass?
But we apologize, we must be making this movie out like all it ever does is talk about sex... it also talks about other things in deep, moving tones:
Bullying- Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.
Saying nice things- Ronald Fisher: [to Cherita Chen] Hey, porky pig, I hope you get molested.
Ricky Danforth: I like your boobs.
Principal Skinner: So... Let's go over this again. What exactly did you say to Ms Farmer?
Kitty Farmer: [loudly interjecting] I'll tell you what he said! He asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus!
Edward Darko: [attempts to stifle a laugh]
Humility- Donnie: [reading poem in class] A storm is coming, Frank says / A storm that will swallow the children / And I will deliver them from the kingdom of pain / I will deliver the children back the their doorsteps / And send the monsters back to the underground / I'll send them back to a place where no-one else can see them / Except for me / Because I am Donnie Darko.
Feces- Emily Bates: Mom said the school is closed today because it's flooded, and there's feces everywhere!
Susie Bates: What are feces?
Emily Bates: Baby mice.
Susie Bates: Aww.
Bitch- Rose Darko: Our son just called me a bitch.
Edward Darko: You're not a bitch. You're bitchin', but you're not a bitch.
Ronald Fisher: [to Cherita Chen] Go Back to China, bitch.
Ronald Fisher: [about an over 100 year old woman] Someone should rape that bitch.
This movie is so deep that Socrates should take a shit then let them stick his head in the toilet before he flushes compared to it. HOW FUCKING DARE anyone not see how deep this movie is. LEAVE DONNIE DARKO ALONE!
Donnie Darko Sequel
On May 9th, 2008 a sequel to Donnie Darko was announced, and just about everyone who gave enough of a shit to read the article decided that it was the stupidest fucking idea ever. Even the writer/director of the original was offended, despite that he wrote the script, and that he told David Lynch fans to fuck off when they said the original was a shitty rip-off of his films. His hypocrisy aside, the idea was considered so bad that people petitioned for the film to not be made, in which only 721 people decided it was worth defending the original. Many of these people left a comment in some form of that the first one wasn't even that good, so why bother?
Much lulz ensued at this fail, and the sequel continues...and we're sure DeviantART will eventually give us an incident about it that will be its own page.
Samantha Darko plot
Donnie's sister nearly gets hit with a Meteor (because that's sooo different) while running away from home to become a porn star- no shit, that's not an ED joke. The sick loli fucks got their way and the adult Samantha is trying to get into porn. Then she's told by that damn bunny that he didn't get enough lulz from telling Donnie he can save the world by being a mouthy little fuckwit, then killing him, so he's gonna do it to her. And like a typical bimbo, he tells her this flat and she still goes along with it because he offers her $3.00 and a contract to be in furry porn with him.
Fan Sites
- Donnie Darko official site- srsly, this is it!
- Donnie Darko On DeviantART.
True Meaning of the Plot
Some people find Donnie Darko hard to follow. This is because Linear time is LIE. Cubic time is TRUTH, you are EDUCATED STUPID, SEE BEYOND. Donnie Darko did 9/11:11\6, I hold IRREFUTABLE PROOF.
_ _ _
_| |__| |__| |__...LIE!
THE TRUTH IS CUBIC TIME:
_____
sunup | | midday
| |
midnight |_____| sundown
I HAVE IRREFUTABLE PROOF. FOUR SIMULTANEOUS DAYS IN ONE ROTATION OF EARTH, EACH QUADRANT OF EARTH. Man is personified pyramid, 1 corner of time cube, 1 24 hr day. 1/4th of a person. pyramid * 6 equals star of david = the BALANCE = 11:11 = equilibrium in timeSpace. Four 24 hr days, simultaneously, equals 11:11 - 11:11 = natural balance. 6/11 = 11\9 = 9/11:11\6 = Donnie Darko did wtc.
24 6 24 ,_______, |11 11| time^cube 6 | (o) | 6 | / \ | 9/11:11\6 /_______\ 24 man is 24 personified pyramid
Man is but extension of the 9/11:11\6, four corners, four simultaneous 24 hour days. Cubeless god, unfunny god, Donnie Darko did 9/11:11\6. I have IRREFUTABLE PROOF. Ignorant dumb asses laugh at me, they do not know. 9/11 tragedy was caused by DONNIE DARKO LIES and CONSPIRACIES. ZOG means students are EDUCATED STUPID with CUBELESS LINEAR TIME LIE. I have uncovered the truth, the spirit guardians have alerted. 11:11. I DEMONSTRATE IRREFUTABLE PROOF.
- New York City has 11 letters.
- Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened the Twin Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
- 'George W. Bush' has 11 letters
- New York is the State # 11
- The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight #11
- Flight # 11 was carrying 92 passengers Adding this number gives us: 9+2=11
- Flight # 77 who also hit the towers, was carrying 65 passengers Adding this: 6+5=11
- The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
- The date is equal to the emergency number 911. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
- The total number of victims inside the planes were 254: 2+5+4=11
- September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year: 2+5+4=11
- After September 11, there were 111 days more to the end of the year.
- The tragedy of 3/11/2004 in Madrid also adds up to: 3+1+1+2+4=11
- The tragedy in Madrid happened 911 days after the tragedy of the Twin Towers.
NATURAL
DIVINE
CUBIC
BALANCE
_______
11:11 | | 11:11
| |
11:11 | | 11:11
|_______|
911 is also 191 - 9=endings. 11 is balance which takes us to 11:11. 9/11:11\6 = STAR OF DAVID = CUBELESS IDIOT DONNIE DARKO DID WTC. DONNIE DARKO DID WTC; I PRESENT IRREFUTABLE PROOF. THINK.
Director's Cut
Yeah, Richard Kelly released it in 2004 and basically adds 20 extra minutes to the movie (as if the trainwreck wasn't long enough) to explain all the plotholes. The changes were:
- Replaced some songs;
- Excerpts from the in-movie book that explains the crazy crap that is happening;
- Useless scenes that are a few seconds long and change almost nothing to the overall "story"
The release of this version resulted in drama from the fanbase, causing everybody to baww over it. The controversy is such because, apparently, the extra scenes remove any ambiguity that the original movie gave, which in turn, proved every movie theorist wrong about the "deepness", this while also turning a suspense/psycological movie into a full fledged sci-fi flick. Some people disregard this version completely only because they want to stay right, even if the movie itself states otherwise, and given how widespread this version is, they'll probably fool everyone anyways.
|
Donnie Darko is part of a series on Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage. |
