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Tennessee
Tennessee is a bible-belted shithole state located in The South and is the epicenter of cousin fucking ICP fans, inbred hicks, and other degenerates that all make up the mythical land of meth and booze. It is also said that one can hear banjo music from anywhere in the state. This is true.
WARNING: By reading the following, your IQ will drop at least 47 points. It will still be higher than anyone in Tennessee, however.
The myth
In the year 1700 or at least around that time, the mutants from the south were looking for El Dorado, the land of cheap Viagra and shemale prostitutes. They believed that it existed between Kentucky, Virginia, and Canada. They looked and looked but only found a lot of dirt and the remains of savagely whipped slaves. From that day forth they called the land "Ten A Key" in accordance with that being the amount of money for a kilo of coke. To make it seem more mythical, or possibly because somebody who wrote history was drunk off moonshine and exhausted from sleeping with their uncle, they named the state Tennessee.
Regional Divisions
Instead of the land of whores and gold and country music, they ended up with a massive dirt plain with a giant forest on one end and niggers at the bottom. Although technologically primitive, the people have managed to survive since about 100 years ago.
Tennessee can be subdivided into 5 distinct areas, and 1 molten swamp of Grits & Chitins. The four regions are the Northeast, Midwest, True South, Cashville, and a chain of active volcanoes.
Northeast: The Northeast is a region in Tennessee that borders very closely to Virginia. In fact it boards so close that the typical Ugnaw from either State couldn't tell the difference between one another. Although typically people from this area of Tennessee are morbidly obese, have beards to their belly buttons and talk about why the NRA was the best idea in the world. Avoidance of said people is as easy as not getting lost in the woods. There are no real homes in this area as a visitor can never see them during a trip through the area, but instead holes in the ground provide a subterranean society of mole people and pot growers.
Midwest: The Midwest is the home to Godawful people such as country musicians and 16 year old girls (Miley Cyrus). In this region groups of prospectors looking for booze set up encampments in what is known as the city of Nashville. This city lacks electricity and running water, unless you count alcohol, which flows like Niagra Falls.
West:
This is the border line of Tennessee and all truly southern states. The main population lives in Memphis. Its only inhabitants are rednecks who spend their time drinking and bitching about how lazy the niggers, the majority of the population, are. Elvis lived here, which resulted in his overdose and death. Outside of Memphis there exists practically nothing but trees, the random drunk fucking his goat, and skinhead groups.
That other region: We don't talk about that, as this region is often difficult to explain as no sane man has ever dare set foot in this area. All records were lost once the initial inhabitants discovered crystal meth.
Climate
The Climate of Tennessee is best described as fucking retarded. The average temperature range of this cesspool is between 100-2500F with an average humidity of over 9000 in the summer and Absolute fucking 0 in the winter. Mountainous and woody regions are prone to exhibit low visibility due to large amounts of marijuana smoke and methamphetamine production. Not that you will pay attention to the weather because you will be more concerned with avoiding inbred fuckfests which consist of muddy and oily sex with close family members and/or farm animals.
Demographics
People from Tennessee are easily described and classified into 4 distinct categories.
1. Hick: Typical pro-life, wife beater, gun-nut, NASCAR fan, moonshine/meth maker, and Notfourchan member. Men with beards to their knees, Guts that extend for miles (which lead to them not having seen their penis in years), and a stench that could strip the paint off a wall. A good example is Conservapedia sysop Brian MacDonald (aka Karajou). On the other hand, the women have black eyes, often go barefoot and are pregnant of their grandfathers children.
2. Country Musician: Mullet and Guitar, typical talentless losers who barely qualify as musicians let alone people.
3. Plantation owners: Often seen in white suits mimicking Colonel Sanders. They tend to speak about nothing in great detail and will question whether you're from outer space.
4. Niggers: (Note: Not actually people) These specimens aren't found anywhere else in the state with the exception of Memphis (excluding plantations). After the Great Tribal Move from Africa in the late 1700's, many niggers became lost on their way to the promised Land (West Philadelphia)and Detroit. A coin was flipped and the tribe decided to stay wherever their lips first drug the ground. Around 1810 the city was finally renamed Memphrica and it has all gone to hell.
Politics
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Tennessee's favourite son, Al Gore, was recently replaced in the hearts and minds of Tennesseans by the GOP's great white hope Basil Marceaux.com. Like Gore, Mr. .com is also an environmentalist but believes that planting grass will not only balance the state budget but make Tennessee energy self-sufficient and green. In addition using prison inmate chain gangs to do all the work will reduce chances of ex-cons becoming repeat offenders. Other than that, Mr .com has an innovative and daring platform.
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com is dedicated to the abolition of slavery (especially at STOP signs).
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com is dedicated to arming nutcases and convicted felons in accordance with the Second Amendment which Mr .com says states that we all have right -nay, obligation- to bear arms against our government.
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com will fine your arse $10 if you do not buy a handgun.
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com will remove all traffic stops in Tennessee (and crack down on any slavery at said locations).
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com will arrest the police.
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com will make Death Row murderers die the way they killed. Suffocate someone with a plastic bag? Death penalty = plastic bag.
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com will turn Tennessee into a Republic.
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com will pardon you for all crimes in Tennessee.
- Basil Marceaux Dot Com will establish a slush fund for criminals who help him plant grass to balance the state budget. This despite the fact that there won't be anyone in jail.
tl;dr? If you like bedlam, Basil Marceaux Dot Com is your man
A new Tennessee law makes it a crime to "transmit or display an image" online that is likely to "frighten, intimidate or cause emotional distress" to someone who sees it. Violations can get you almost a year in jail time or up to $2500 in fines. Of course everyone in Tennessee is fucking stupid and has no clue this is nigh unenforcable. Plus, every goddamn thing is disturbing to some stupid inbred fuck. Hell, even you could get someone arrested for a picture of a puppy. TENNESSEE LAW, COME AT ME BRO.
Of course, anyone in Tennessee with at least 3 braincells left that haven't been completely destroyed by meth and moonshine does not give a fuck. However only about 0.0002% of the population of Tennessee has any remnants of a brain left, which is actually a good thing. It means most of them can't read and therefore won't understand the law. Happy trolling guys.
According to the laws of this fucktarded state this page is illegal. Use it to your advantage. If you don't like it, please follow the instructions here. Kthaxbai
Tennessee Today
Recently more and more people have started to believe in the existence of Tennessee. Also many of them still claim to believe in some form of God. Al Gore also claims to be from the mystery that is Tennessee, but he has also made claim to creating the internet and Dig-Dug. On a sad note Nashville, a chemical storage facility in the middle of nowhere, is still producing inbred musicians who chant on and on about sister fucking, old cars, or how their tractors had exploded and then rolled down the hill. Also, for some reason even though being in the 21st century, at least 100% of Tennessee doesn't have access to internet speeds over 4kb/s.
The state shows no signs of improving. This probably has something to do with the fact that the State Department of Education spends less on students than any other state. Yes, even New Jersey. Due to this fact, if you ever see anyone from this shithole of a state, be sure to speak slowly and in simple phrases. Never look them in the eye. They will see this as a threat and kill you, after raping you in the butt of course. The best solution scientists have come up with would be for the Government to pull a Hiroshima and eradicate the fuckers.
Anything good?
The only good thing to be said about the state is that it was home to Elvis and Johnny Cash, even though they both moved there rather than being born there. The only two celebrities born in Tennessee would Johnny Knoxville (he moved, because its illegal to be a jackass in Tennessee) and Miley Cyrus (teh rednecks convinced her to stay, because they saw her sw33t hot ass in 2008). However, recently, it was discovered that there are a few ED users in this tragic cesspool, whom hope to someday eliminate all the bad and turn it into an internet utopia. These users DO have internet speeds in excess of 4kb/s, some even reaching the level of 55kb/s, which gave them a free ticket to their Uncle's bedroom with jug of moonshine and their sister. Another thing to mention would be MTAC (Middle Tennessee Animu Convention), but how the fuck should I know if you actually give a damn? Some redneck love anime.
In other words, no.
Wildlife
See Niggers.
See Also
External Links
- Tennessee's Wikipedia article Vandalize for great justice
- [1] Shows how Tennessee comes in dead fucking last on education spending per child. This is on intention since anyone who learned anything or knew better would leave as fast as they could.
