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Larry Page

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Lavrentiy Beria (Jr) at 18:15, 23 October 2015. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
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Larry Page is a half-Joo. That adds up to one and a half missing foreskins.

PANTIES

He's married (2007) and has two kids. (Unlike his butt-partner Sergey, who just got dragged thru divorce court for frolicking in the green fields of the Googleplex with his peepee out.)

Losers

He owns a 200-foot "superyacht" with a helipad, just like Leo DiCaprio's douchebag character in The Wolf Of Wall Street.

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What is Google daddy?

He and Sergey Brin, BFF and master eater of foreskins, took the web indexing algorithm they invented as Stanford students (named after Page, because he did most of the work of course) and installed it on a pile of cheap motherboards in the garage of their friend and loose dick-snuffler Susan Wojcicki.

Because they are precious and twee and they liek mudkips, they called it a really stupid and annoying name, "Google"; so people would think they were lesbians.

 
nowhere

They went around lying to venture capitalists, who threw money at them after the bukakke. Then they turned it into a "real company", which they had to cut a "deal" with Stanford for, because hey, "you used our computers to develop your software, you fagets". To this day, two Stanford bigshits are sitting on Google's board of directors: John Hennessy, the president of Stanford, and Ram Shriram, a Stanford director.

They hired Susan, they hired her sister, they hired smart people and started fucking them over, after forcing them to sign the worst NDA ever written. There's no better way to build a giant corporation than by assraping stupid young coders. 1337.

 
One day's income for little old Larry

Now they're the #1 search engine and the world's biggest advertising company. Made 66 billion in 2014. Penis penis penis. Little penis.

 
dumping an ocean of cunt-slime on their heads

He sucks

 
Larry's first airplane, now they have a whole fleet
  • Google's top management owns EIGHT jet aircraft. They park them at the Navy's Moffett Field, the only private corporation allowed to do that -- partly because they bought the "rights" to the old dirigible hanger.
  • They helped get Creative Commons started, so they could own Larry Lessig's soul and use it as a snotrag. Without money from The Goog, Creative Commons and the EFF and TOW might not exist today. Hackers and nerds are fucking stupid if they think those outfits exist to "help people". They also exist to help The Mighty Goog in its never ending ass-quest to weaken copyright. Goog depends on copyright abuse for a chunk of its revenue.
 
Add it up!
  • Goog's little cock-toy YouTube would have been pulled down by the Feds long ago if Serg and Larry hadn't started spending millions on lobbying and dirty tricks. [1][2][3] Say it again,"glorygloryglory FREECULTUREFREECULTUREFREECULTURE".
  • Direct quote: "Google employees are expected to create products and services that are at least 10 times better than those of its competitors."
  • Larry did something that ended up costing The Goog 500 MILLION. [4][5][6] "Larry Page knew what was going on," Peter Neronha, the U.S. Attorney who led a federal criminal probe of advertising by Canadian pharmacies via Google's AdSense service, told The Wall Street Journal." Lol.
  • Crib, anyone?: "Eager to expose Google's threats to our privacy, the National Legal & Policy Center proved so inept at technology that it ended up exposing Google cofounder Larry Page's street address in a publicity stunt. Hidden in plain sight within the NLPC's PDF document: Waverley Oaks Court, the Palo Alto street on which Page lives. (Last year, Valleywag published a Google Maps view of Page's home, but not the address.) It only took a little digging through publicly available records to turn up the actual house number — 100 Waverley Oaks Court, Palo Alto, Calif. So how much is it worth? Page was granted the deed on the property on February 18, 2005 after the historic building had been on the market for years with an asking price of 7.95 million. The rich are always cheap: Page managed to get about 1 million knocked off the price, as the next year the property was assessed at just under 7 million. By this year, the assessment was back up to 7,216,214, with the nearly 3/4-acre property alone assessed at 5.1 million. How much are the taxes on the property? 78,550.96 over the last year." .
 
preparing to enter from the rear
   
“ 		 
A former Google exec put it less charitably: “All the assholes have left.”

Maybe not all, given the endless reserves of them in Silicon Valley. But the new regime at Google stands in contrast to an earlier era at Google, when it was known for having more assertive and sometimes abrasive leaders, including former Google CEO and co-founder Larry Page, who now heads the Alphabet holding company above it all.

Page has largely removed himself from the fray, but was known as a tough manager inside the search giant, peppering his team with pointed questions and cutting (though usually accurate) observations. “He could come off as very harsh,” said one person who has had many encounters with Page over the years. “Until you realize it was more that he was completely lacking in EQ. I mean, zero.”

Google declined to comment for the story.
 

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—October 2015, not making this up....

See also

 
ASSWIPE AT GOOGLE HQ

External links

  • His student website, not as fucked-up as Sergey's
  • TOW mentions none of his massive fuckups. "In October 2013, Business Insider reported that Page's paralyzed vocal cords are caused by an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto's thyroiditis, and prevented him from undertaking Google quarterly earnings conference calls for an indefinite period.[65]" Which didn't affect his ability to hoover up billions of dollars.
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