Dildo

A Dildo is one of Man's Worst Enemies. A jumbo-sized replica of a man's cock (because your dick is too small, faggot), usually named in a comical manner. Some are casts from real men. Though, even then, they've probably been enlarged. (You faggot, a cast of anything can't be enlarged once it's created. Learn2science.) They are also sometimes a replica of an animal's cock, and then given hilariously pretentious names like "Thunder" and "Spirit".

Also: What you put in your Livejournal next to pictures of your children.

Dildos are sometimes a good substitute for real cock, because dildos can last for more than two minutes in bed, and won't stop fucking you until YOU cum (they're probably larger than your boyfriend anyway). They won't leave you cold, alone, and unsatisfied. Unless you want to deepthroat that baby, in which case, you need to pay a visit to your local glory hole (if you're a faggot and you want the AIDS, that is), because latex and or rubber doesn't taste too good.

The First Dildo

Early Man made his bid to sentience by discovering he could kill animals and eat their sweet brain meats - unfortunately, animals ran away a lot. As a result the men had to hunt them over great distances and women, with their valuable wombs, were left behind - guarded by their children. Since children invariably have a penis too small for adequate penetration these women, with their biologically programmed lust for cock, inevitably invented a way of pretending that they had a strong, providing man with a prominent forehead. Thus was born the world's first dildo, and the women's famous propensity of living in a fantasy world.

Its name, roughly translated, meant "empathy of blood". It was communal in use until another woman discovered a similar rock that wasn't hackly - this one was named "son of mothering tribe" and had a vastly smaller fatality rate.

A dildo can be really useful for niggers while filming pr0n

Pejorative

"Dildo" is also in pejorative use - like any good word - and is identical in use as words which refer to real penises but for the additional implication that one is not even real. Pinnochio was commonly called a dildo.

Giant shit should not be mistaken for a black dildo.

Sex Toys and Society

In some unfair twist of fate, It is perceived of as more acceptable for females to seek fake penises for their own personal pleasure whilst males are shunned from seeking the benefits of fake vaginas. This Is due to the eroneous belief that women can get dick whenever they want, and don't want to hassle with what the dick is attached to to get it. Whilst men who seek fake vagina are incapable of procuring one. In reality anyone who uses a sex toy or masturbates will be a permavirgin.

Jews and dildos

It is a little known fact that Jews don't use dildos - they use cucumbers because it's cheaper and when they're done they can get a nickel for it from some homeless shelter. Jews experimented with hot dogs but later found out the kosher hot dogs would cost at least 100 more cents than they thought and that in most cases, they would break often falling inside, never to be seen again (and depending on if you did it anally or not, that shit can be hard to get out).

New-found-land

Canadian dildo use is so entrenched that they named a town after them. Although, during its early colonial days, there was a dispute as to where the dildo should go and, subsequently, the smaller township of South Dildo was erected close by.

Famous Dildos in LJ History

dildobucket, a serial adder.
You can rent a dildo at Rent-a-Dildo.com.
Or you can just get your own, cause renting is gross and can give you AIDS.
If you're a fucking asshole, you can go to this page to help you choose out a dildo. Faggot.

Galerie de Dildo

ElypseArt.com Silicone animal Dildos
Women imagine anything vaguely phallic is a dildo.
The wonders of automation.
What ALL Obama fans own. Get your big O here.
Flying remote control dildo for americunts, who are too fat to actually reach their own pussy or arse.
A chicken is no substitute for a dildo.
All women do this.
All women also do this.
Some men are also fond of dildos.
File:G dildo.jpg
File:G dildo2.jpg
File:Craigreynolds dildo.jpg
A dildo. It looks inflatable.
A pale dildo. It might be a cast from an AIDS victim.
Jesus my penetrator
Halo fans shove these up their asses.
Your mom's dildo.

Your mom's dildo.
What all Twilight fangirls crave.