Men

Offended?
If you have been offended by "Men",
please click here and slowly scroll down to the bottom of the page.

Whether they are toddlers, whether they are grown up, whether they play with toys, whether they read novels, whether they play board games, whether they play video games, whether they practice sports, men are all inherently great hairy piles of lust and rage. These latent rapists and murderers believe themselves to be "nice guys", because they are slightly less of an asshole than their local drug pusher. Men, chunks of unbridled muscle, run the world with a sadistic smile. They shoot their guns and smoke their cigars with giant protruding erections, stopping only to occasionally rape and pillage your mother.

	“	I will literally set the world on fire just to get laid.	„
	—Any young male (21st century)

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Women meddling with evolution has caused an outlawing of rape and dominance, allowing the weak and pathetic men to reproduce rapidly like ants. These vast hordes have no true masculinity, existing only to serve women as slaves, which have created many large but dreaded subspecie families, see: fags, neck beards, transvestite, furries, you, and so on. Currently they completely outnumber all masculine individuals. The only true solution to this problem is to treat all men like the roosters they are and decapitate every man who doesn't have a tall, broad and handsome physique, and a loyal mind of their own. Only then will the world be free from wars and degeneration.

Activities

Workout

MANLY

You know, that thing you never do, ever. Come on, do you even lift? A man knows that lifting up pizza slices does not count as curls and getting up to take a dump does not count as squats. Getting off his ass and doing something about his body is a common method men use to cover up any lack of personality while attracting new friends. Even if it fails, at least it helps stave off diabetes and other neckbeard ailments.

Make out

Eloquent writings on the state of men and sex

If your typical man can manage to find a disgusting woman with the least amount of self respect possible, they may very well get their dick wet before the night is over. However, if the man's horrifyingly deformed features don't manage to land him a pretty lady, a potato with a hole in it, rape, a cat will easily satisfy his depraved needs. This is the shortest of the man's activities and will usually last around 10-15 seconds. Men fuck for many reasons, but the top two are boredom and depression.

Pig out

Manly reading material

Men are notorious in their slightly overzealous eating habits. They will clean out your fridge in a matter of seconds, shoving as much meat into their face as possible. They will then wash it all down with 300,000 gallons of Mountain Dew and top it all off with a delicious twinkie. Men eat for many reasons, but the top two are boredom and depression.

Blackout

After a decent meal, men will then undoubtedly crack open a few of the cheapest most commercial cans of beer they can find, then flop down on the couch to catch a game of handegg. This can escalate, however, and you may end up with a large frat party on your hands. Upside down drinking contests and awkward sexual experiences with other men abound. Leave them hanging off the side of their parents' bed with various swearwords scribbled on their naked arse and a whole heap of regret. Men drink for many reasons, but the top two are boredom and depression.

If you are a russian man, the drinking experience is slightly different.

The State Of Men

What many men desire to be.

The common male generally consists of pathetic balls of whimpering cowardice that hover on the sidelines, while the real manly men play a good hard game of handegg or soccerbawl. These other men sit on the bench painting their nails, considering that operation, or get fat, while the real deal d00ds are out on the field rubbing their testicles in the dirt.

These testicle rubbers are also deplorable examples of humanity. Drooling neanderthals that woop and holler at the sight of an x bawks, some pizza and a keg. More commonly known as the Douchebag, these sad sacks of walking degeneration have passed their glory days of date-raping high school girls while they flunk off class, now working as your regular gas attendant or McDonalds drive-through server. They spend their free time having sweaty greased up sexy time with their "bros" muttering the occasional no homo to ward off depression.

There are also many other male specimens that trawl across the interbutts, jizzing in the tubes. For example,The Nerds, who spend their time relentlessly slobbering over shit no one cares about all the while slowly getting more and more pasty, chubby, and dead inside. Also the well known and revered Faggots, who were once so manly that they went full circle and now want cock in their arse. And of course The Escapists, also known as the traps, transvestites or Dickgirls, who have completely shat out all manly manliness from their brain and simply wish to be the little girl.

OFFICIAL MAN THEME SONG

DONGS GLORIOUS DONGS

Attached to the groin area of most men, these usually floppy doo-dahs are used for a large variety of activities. The lesser known, though equally marvelous, ballbag dangles pendulously underneath, causing all other sorts of hilarity by impersonating your grandfather's face.

A List Of Some Notable Men

In fact, nearly anyone notable evar is a man. Or at least a man in spirit.

Gallery

It's raining men... About missing Pics

"Being well-groomed is a lame societal construct!"
Men who don't play sports usually end up like this.
Or this.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Irony? Its funny because women think this is a scatch
That counts as roaming...kind of.
A typical Friday night for many men.
"If she can't accept me as I am, then she doesn't deserve me!"
Puberty lasts a bit longer for some.
Men are four times as likely as women to be retards.
Elderly men in action. "Ever since I hit 40, my dick's only been able to get this big."
A member of the subspecies, "huge douchebag".
Many women say size doesn't matter. Many women are liars.
Trying to make up for his shortcomings.
Still anti-abortion?
He's a rebel.
This is what men have to do so their dick won't look weird.
Wearing a dress will make a man homosexual.
Hugging also turns men gay.
Crying? Gay.
Types of men. Which one are you? Omega faggot
Men are really this fucking desperate.
Never awkward.
Men are pretty kewl
Men's outstanding way of dealing with shit