Questionable logic

This article needs moar examples of questionable logic.
You can help by adding moar examples of questionable logic.

On the first day, God sprinkled moon dust in outer-space and KABOOM! the Earth.

Ever find yourself in an argument with a fellow decent god-fearing citizen of the Internets on IRC, TOW, or a news site comment page? If you have, you definitely have been subject to a phenomenon known as Questionable Logic.

Practitioners of this fast growing alternative to critical thought can be identified by their supercilious, bureaucratic tone, their ever-present air of smugness, and the verbose, long-winded manner with which they carry on "conversations." Armed with a spell checker, a thesaurus, and a year and a half of community college, these warriors of the web are fully equipped to fill their run-on sentences with words like dynamic, zeitgeist, and portmanteau, to attempt to sound smarter than you.

At best these half-assed attempts at logic are misguided. At worst, they are so far from the mark that a retard would blink a few times then call bullshit. You know it's sad when aspies and retards are better at logic than a "normal" person is.

Basic format

In thinking this phat tat would get him all the hoochies, ~~this young man~~ YTCracker fell prey to Questionable logic.

You: I don't like x
Guy: Really? That's interesting.
Guy: Because I think if you take a closer look at the subcutaneous intricacies of the matter, you will see that your opinion cannot survive long under the rigors of intelligent debate without adapting to a more reasonable facet of understanding.
Guy: Let me explain.
Guy: You see, I like x
You: (bbscript-m386.http.ca.comcast.com) Quit
Guy: People like me.
Guy: People are right.
Guy: Furthertherewhereforemore, you should like x.
Guy: Ah the cut and thrust of academia, it's not for everyone.

OR

If A, then B

If B, maybe A

B > A

Sometimes B = A

Therefore, C ≅ 98°

A few purveyors of Questionable Logic

In the pursuit of creative interpretations of logic, there are a few groups that always stand out from the crowd. Their especially sharp rhetoric, very verbose vocabulary, and lack of common sense that makes retards look damn intelligent mark them as the some of the best of the worst when it comes to questionable logic.

This is not an exhaustive list. There are always more where these came from.

Furries

No other group but the furries can boast the claims that fapping to animals is not bestiality, pictures of children having sex is not pedophilia, and that a fetish is actually a lifestyle. When not cranking out shitty MS Paint porn, furries spend their time drooling over their thesauruses in order to try to convince each other they are smart or getting into full-blown wank-fests over their favorite artists. Many of them are living on Welfare yet still have "artists" on retainer. Then they complain about not having money for food and clothes even though they spent it all on poorly drawn dog cocks.

Abridged Examples of failed logic

Cub art is freedom of speech
Fursecution violates Godwin's Law
It's not bestiality!

DevianTartlets

The fine fags of deviantArt spend all their time tracing eachother's shitty artwork, playing with lense flare, and claiming they are "real artists". Point out their poor anatomy, obvious tracing, or even just that they may be wrong and watch the fun begin!

When they aren't busy attempting to fake their way into being an artist these people like doing "drawing exercises" that take the form of crude memes. These are spread not to help others improve, but in the hopes that others will pick up the memes and link back to them in order to bring them popularity. Most Tartlets don't really care about improvement so much as being praised, which doesn't bode well for any "art site".

Abridged Examples of failed logic

I'm a good artist because I have fans
It's not a trace if you flip, recolor, and add cat ears!
You aren't me so you have no idea how hard my life is! Thus I'm right and you're not.

Christians

According to Christians an invisible being created the world in six days from nothing, his former best bud is now the root of all evil, and a Jewish zombie that was his own father will save us all. Because of this, if you don't belive in this kind and loving faith from a kind and loving god you are going to suffer for eternity after death. Makes perfect sense!

Abridged Examples of failed logic

Condoms are evil because they prevent STDs and pregnancy
One being can hear all the world whispering to him all at once
You will totally come back from the dead someday and live in paradise.

Atheists

Atheists may be saner than the religious nutjobs, but they are not immune to questionable logic. The main problem is that they will attempt to do half-crocked research, leaning on a few hours on wikipedia to attempt to topple ideas from people who have spent a lifetime studying the same things, sometimes going as far as disqualifying valid information because the source holds "irrational beliefs". They also usually carry a thesaurus around for looking up smart sounding synonyms for words like "the" to appear smarter then they really are.

Abridged Examples of failed logic

The universe was created when nothing exploded into everything
I'm right because I went to college
You believe in invisible men, you can't have any idea how to think logically

Protecting Yourself

The only 100% effective way to make sure you are not swayed by these harpies' smooth sounding rhetoric on such important topics as The 2008 United States Presidential Election, Global Warming, and Internet Law is to abstain from communication completely. Alternately, you can try not being an impressionable fucktard (Warning, PRO-level only). However, there are a few telltale signs you might be speaking to someone who has invented their own system of logic and has neglected to mention their use of it in place of yours. A look at the lineup in their arsenal of bullshit:

Key words/phrases

Furthermore
Let's be objective
No, your logic is flawed
Rationally speaking
Thus
Wrong

Key forums

If, while talking to someone on the internet, they sound smart after one or two sentences, it is usually safe to say they they are preempting their barrage of questionable logic with some copypasta they overheard on public radio. If you are unsure, find the longest word in the copypasta and ask them what it means. Sign off/quit IRC/go fap before they have a chance to google it.