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Naruto

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Naruto (also referred to as "Brokeback Mountain", with more ninja) is an animu about tranny ninjas. It tells the tale of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, half-emo, foreigner half-demon ninja teen struggling to be accepted into society. As a ninja, however, Naruto is not the kind that flips out and kills people. Instead, he is the kind that spews gay speeches and dreams about raping his homo-target, Sasuke. With a plot that lame, experts agree that this series is way too retarded to have lasted over 300 episodes on its own, lending weight to the theory that the Japanese use animu as a form of mind control over Wapanese basement-dwellers and 16 year old girls. Good thing more than 3/4 of the anime is simply filler that was just pulled out of some mindless producer's ass. Regardless, scientists have recently discovered that not just Naruto, but all the ninjas in this show crave cock, making Naruto one of the queerest anime in existence, second only to Tsubasa: RESERVoir CHRONiCLE.

http://www.fanfiction.net/anime/ 12/29/10 (259,752) "Yeah I cant belieave it either"
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT KABUTO REZZED ALL THE AKUTSUKIS BACK TO LIFE AND TOBI NOW HAS A CLONE ARMY OF THAT FLY-TRAP GUY!!11! WHEN DID THIS BECOME STAR TREK?!!!1


No comment needed.
The picture that caused 500,000 fangirls to climax simultaneously.

Legend has it that there may actually be female characters in this series. However, closer investigation has proven that most female characters either tend to be useless or dead. One example is Tenten, a character so useless that the anime was thankful enough to show her fighting, just so they can create filler space (Which they already do with Hinata). Researchers have concluded that any further attempts to inseminate the existence of girls in this series will be met with swift and immediate reprisal by its creators. It should also be noted that this anime has no actual Japanese martial arts, and that this show is also, no matter how many fansubs insert the words "Fuck" or "Damn," A KID'S SHOW.

According to press reports, Naruto is "a cartoon about Arab on television."[2]

Plot

Part 1

 
How Sasuke will die.


There are too many characters in Naruto to list because its creator has fucking ADHD, so just know that pretty much everyone either has a Dark Past ©, is an orphan, and has a power level of over 9,000, or has a somewhat normal life, and therefore no screen time. The creator seems to have made a conscious decision to include every fucking animu archetype known to man, proving what a retarded moron he is.

The creator made over 600 episodes, 600 of which are filler. Basically, Naruto is an otherkin that has a demon fox inside him that can rape anything it wants. So in order for Naruto to not just fuck everyone over with this power, the creator bullshitted everyone and said that Naruto can't use this power without killing himself. Naruto has three fuck buddies in this show, Sakura (who does nothing) and Hinata (who also does nothing) allowing for plenty of different pairings for fanfics!

Then there's Sasuke. The biggest emo you will ever see in a show. Despite the show being called NARUTO, it's really about Sasuke because all the fangirls cream over him and his brother Itachi...causing a lot of incest fics. At about episode whothefuckcares, Sasuke complains about his brother Itachi killing his clan and goes from emo to goth and joins local pedo-bear Orochimaru who's actually a snake! Sasuke is Naruto's 3rd fuck buddy resulting in about 90% of all fanfictions. These relationships are the main focus of the entire show, causing nothing to ever happen.


 
The page before naruto has sum Buttsecks with hinata.

Part 2: Shitpuden

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT ITACHI WAS A GOOD GUY! NARUTO&SASKUGAY ARE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER! TOBI IS REALLY AN UCHIHA!!!!1

After the first 600 episodes, there's another 600 punches in the face called Shitpuden. This is when they finally bring out the badass villain ninjas.

Since Sasuke left the country to go kill his brother with the creepy pedophile Naruto thinks he's just CONFUSED! So to get him back, Naruto goes and trains for three years. Even after three years of not coming back, Naruto still thinks Sasuke is JUST CONFUSED and goes to try to find him. This is when the show picks up.

File:WHYDOYOUCARESOMUCH.png
I swear its not because I'm gay.


Then they bring out the badass ninja group that is called Akutsuki. They go around taking in all the furries and otherkins and KILL THOSE FUCKERS so there's constant war or some shit. It's never addressed. But even with the Akutsuki ninjas RIPPING OUT HEARTS and using them as their own, blowing up shit, not dying, maiming, and revealing plot twists they are all pretty much killed by Naruto and Sasuke. Including Orochimaru and Itachi.

In one bought of massive lulz, Sasuke kills Itachi only to find out that Itachi was a good guy! This nearly makes Sasuke kill himself, but the show CAN'T DO WITHOUT THE MAIN CHARACTER!!!1! So he just goes out and kills everyone else instead by joining Tobi. GG, Sasuke.

Akutsuki's leader Pain (or Pein if you're a fag) makes up for this failure easily by killing everyone you've ever loved, making him Hitler incarnate, but then the butthurt fanboys made him revive them all again by killing himself. Tobi (or Madara Uchiha if you want to be a complete weeboo) then decides it's his turn to make up for the faggotry of Naruto and Sasuke so Tobi tells everyone he's THE FIRST Uchiha, made the FIRST capital of the world, that he trained Itachi to commit some much needed genocide and Naruto's government ordered the genocide, AND made Akatsuki purely for the lulz. After all this master trolling, Tobi decides that the Akatsuki totally sucked anyway and takes all the captured furries to make one uber-Pokemon, that will somehow blow up the moon causing a typhoon that will destroy the world or some stupid shit like that. Danzo, the George W. Bush of the story, becomes president and immediately declares Sasuke a rogue ninja meaning that the "good" characters of the show would HAVE TO KILL SASUKE! OH NO, SUP3R EV1L UN-KAWAII DESU~! Though, knowing the series, nothing will come out of this besides moar angst. One can only wonder what the fuck Masashi Kishimoto is smoking while writing this crap.

The Fans

 
A typical fangirl of Naruto.

Despite the show being the obvious Fail Sandwich it is, this show has one of the largest amount of fans out of any animu, and that's saying something. Even to the Jew animu watchers the Naruto fans are retarded, placing them slightly above furries. So they were given the label Narutard!

All Narutards are basement-dwellers and weeaboos, THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS! Even if they are beautiful, it's just a ploy to convert you to Naruto and they're probably just wearing the skin of someone far more superior than themselves. The Narutards are also exceptional at ruining anything they touch since most of them are furfags anyways. Adhering to the natural and never failing rules of furrism, every single FUCKING person has some sort of strange and abstract fetish that they love to shove into every orifice of the internet. They usually do this by drawing some sort of uninteresting bishie-desu style shit. If the Narutard realizes "it" draws like a deformed pile of flesh with Asperger's, or never could draw, "it" then attempts to write fanfiction. EVEN IF THAT FAILS, it then moves onto making videos to their favorite Disturbed or Linkin Park song using Windows Movie Editor. Though this only truly scratches the surface of such stupidity.


Click here for a more detailed analysis of the Narutard.

 
Typical Narutard fanart request


Fanfiction

File:.jpg
-DONT WORRY GAIZ ITS A LIE!

This was ruined to begin with but the Narutards had to shit in the pool of piss by clogging FanFiction.Net with 200,000 stories of ninjas not being ninjas. To noone's surprise, all 200,000 of them are insipid pieces of dread similar to Twilight. Top Scientists also have discovered that there are 387,506 different Naruto pairings, all of them shit. Here are some of them:


Theory

A leading theory suggests that at least every Linkin Park song that has ever existed will have a Naruto AMV video with it. And don't forget Disturbed! Even though Disturbed is used much more extensively by the Dragon Ball Z crowd. It also theorizied that the "Ultimate Naruto Fanflashes" are among the most heinous things on the internet. To imagine this eye-gougingly stupid series of flashes, one must first imagine Family Guy mixed with the faggotry of Naruto and then castrated of all remaining manhood and humor. Once you realize that these are the only pools of talent these wigger weeaboo faggots choose from, an heroing starts to look pretty attractive.

I ACCIDENTALLY SCREWED THE VIDEOS UP SORRY ABOUT THAT - LEO

Do you like waffles?

Of course, there's some that are glaringly bad, even for Naruto AMVs

Naruto Opening

The crazed fans, retarded and dedicated at the same time.

The first episode of the popular anime, Naruto.

"I love Naruto, that show’s friggin awesome." - Narutard

"I hate Naruto" - Any decent person

No u

VICTORY IS MINE!

Cool story bro

Previous Video | Next Video

Winning Quotes

 
That's one the only way to summarize this show.

Naruto is in a constant flux between being emo and Extreme faggotry. However, once in awhile, they come together and create the perfect storm.



Rating

  • Action: 1/10. When there are ninja battles, they're shit and could be anywhere between 50 to 150 episodes.
  • Lulz: 1/10. Very little lulz. The only lulz that can be gained from the show are from trolling the fans.
  • Faggotry: 100/10. Everyone is gay in this show, except for the girls which gets rid of the GOOD kind of gay. Even though the show never flat out says gay, anyone with an IQ over 50 can tell pretty damn clearly, proving that the Japanese are MASTERS of subtlety.
  • Furry Fandom: 9/10. The show is about otherkins with SUpER PoW3RS!1!, but thankfully, the l33t Akutsuki kills them off or at least tries.
  • Straightness: -1/10. Absolutely no focus on the girls, only the faggots.

Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

External Links

See Also

 

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