Bloodbourne

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What you'll get from playing this game

Bloodbourne is the spiritual successor to the epitome of artificial difficult action RPG shovelware developed by the non-jewish company From Software (Yes, that is the name they are going with). Despite it being touted as deviating from its predecessors, it's pretty much the exact same game with a slightly less obnoxious HUD, moar tentacles, and most of the content from the other games missing.

Gameplay

The repetitiveness of Bloodbourne's gameplay rivals that of the average MMORPG since it consists of little other than waiting for enemies to attack before dodging and R1-spamming them to death, at least until you git gud and figure out how to do overpowered "visceral attacks" ripostes, in which case the game becomes more monotonous as almost all enemy encounters are trivialized even further.

Weapons

Due to From's lust for potential jew gold from the DLC that they will inevitably release to sustain their new cash-cow, there is a severe lack of weapons. The guns are practically useless for anything other than parrying, and the only melee weapons worth using are the ones that are any faster than your grandfather's pelvic thrusts, since that way you can just stun-lock anything until it dies. There is one shield available in the game, but it's so weak that it serves as little other than a sick joke from From (this is why their name is stupid) to those trying to play the game like they play Dark Soles.

Arcane

Almost all of the arcane spells magic in Bloodborne is worthless, mostly due to how they use quicksilver bullets just like guns. The only arcane spell even worth mentioning is A Call Beyond, but only because it's good for pissing people off in PvP.

How To Play The Game

1. Choose any origin; it really doesn't fucking matter
2. Go to the Forbidden Woods; get the Tonsil Stone
3. Go to the Amygdala Cthulhu spider thing next to the Grand Cathedral and end up in the lecture building
4. Kill the fuckton of jell-o guys in one of the rooms until you have enough blood echos souls to level your shit up
5. Go to Byrgenwerth, kill Rom, the Vacuous Spider, end up in Yahar'gul
6. Get the Upper Cathedral Ward key
7. Go to the Upper Cathedral Ward, kill the Celestial Emissary, and break the window behind the lantern there
8. Go inside the building and find A Call Beyond
9. You can't go back up from here, so either rek the Cthulhu tentacle monster at the bottom of the lift, git rekt trying, or be a pussy and die on purpose
10. Keep leveling arcane until it is at least 40
11. Invade other players' games, make them an hero with despair as you destroy them with little to no skill
12. You win the universe. Kill yourself.

How You Will Probably Actually End Up Playing The Game

1. Get lost. End up in the sewers. Pig raped.
2. Go a different way. Get lost again. End up in Old Yharnam. Wolf raped.
3. Go a different way again. Still lost. End up in the Forbidden Woods. Snake raped.
4. Run past snakes. Completely lost by this point. Pig raped again.
5. Somehow end up going the right way. Reach Byrgenwerth.
6. Probably end up raped anyway because by this point you're too angry to concentrate.
7. Hurl PS4 through brick wall. Kill yourself.

List of Widely accepted GOOD Weapons

This is the average equipment choice of the pros.

• Ludwig's Holy Blade
• Kirkhammer (basically the same thing as LHB except the transformation gives you a hammer instead of another over-sized sword)
• Blade of Mercy
• Tonitrus
• Chikage
• Burial Blade
• Cannon (for trolling in PvP)

List of Shitty Weapons

• Nearly every slow weapon
• Any weapon not listed in the list above

Story

In short, you kill a bunch of scrubby ass monsters until you find some more scrubby ass monsters known as "Great Ones". You find some douche named Micolash who's a complete pussy, kill him, or at least the version of him that's in the Nightmare realm (don't think about it, you'll only hurt your little brain). After that you kill Mergo's Wet Nurse, then you kill Gehrman (unless you're a pussy and accept his offer), then, if you could actually be bothered to get the umbilical cord parts, kill the Moon Presence (probably one of the easiest bosses in the game). Once that's said and done, you fulfill your sexual fantasies of you and Bloodborne's top waifu, a fucking doll.

The Enemies

Every game needs good challenging enemies. Well this one just fucked up. All the enemies are bland and totally unoriginal. They range from stupid eurofags with pitchforks to rape-happy tentacle monsters. We at ED have saved you the time and effort of actually playing the game and listed most of the enemies below for you.

What 99% of the game consists of

Enemy	Description
Huntsmen	Easiest enemy in the game - a brain-dead eurofag that takes 1-2 hits to kill.
Other Hunters	Scrubby NPCs trying to steal your original character. Most of them are easy, but some are complete dicks.
Zombies	Even more generic and retarded than huntsmen.
Chime Maidens	These bitches will keep spawning enemies (usually fucking spiders) or even other players to rek your sorry ass until you kill them. There are different variations depending on where you encounter them, but all of them are annoying as shit.
Spiders	Easy, but annoying enemies that like to crowd you while fighting more important shit.
Giant-Ass Pigs	This game's variation of the giant ass pigs in Dank Souls, except they don't even have armor, but they do have an annoying ass charging move that will probably one-hit you
Brainsuckers	Stupid pricks that exist only to feed off of your agony while draining your insight. There's also a boss version found in chalice dungeons because From ran out of ideas.
Labyrinth Madmen	Batshit crazy guys in chalice dungeons with unrealistic running speed; very difficult for filthy casulz
Scholars	Nerds that let their jelly fetishes go a bit too far; their attacks are so slow that you have to be retarded to get killed by them
Blue Aliens	Stereotypical aliens, not unlike Mexicans
Other Enemies	No one really feels like reading through a whole list of stupid shit so we'll cut it short here. tl;dr they all suck

Lists

If there is one thing this game seems to have a problem with its lists. The whole game is basically just one big list of shit. The amount of weapons you get is the biggest list you'll see in your life.(Even longer than the list of niggers in the unemployment line.) Not only are there a metric ass ton of weapons already in the game, you can have more than one of the same weapon and the weapons you have multiple of don't make a neat stack no they just add on to the already huge ass list. (And strangely enough other non-weapon items such as humanity or cracked red eye orbs do make neat little stacks.) The game isn't the only thing suffering from this list disease. The whole community (even this article) suffers from this strange disease. I mean just open any article on the wikidot wiki and just look. It's just a list of fuck.

Artificial Difficulty Tropes vs Players in Bloodbourne

Despite the above article, here is a list of Artificial Difficulty Tropes which Bloodbourne completely endorses.

Spam Enemies

Dark BLOOD's main difficulty comes from spamming large number of enemies upon the player. Encountered in later sequels (Bloodbourne 2 endorses this trope even more, especially in it's New Game+ Mode, and Bloodbourne is just this trope. Nothing else) This is basically putting a large number of enemies (usually of the same type) to engage the player at once and overwhelm him with stats and powers. Bloodbourne loves to do this. Most of the time, the player will have to engage with 2 or more enemies at the same time. While they are weak on their own, the only reason they can pose any threat is due to their large numbers. Don't believe me? Go in Blight Town. Just do it. I bet even in Undead Burg you encountered this before you found your way.

Cheap Deaths

Oooh Bloodbourne loves these ones. They are everywhere; enemies jumping out of nowhere and killing the player, traps that drop you into a horde of enemies, or just bosses coming out of nowhere... These are basically deaths that the player cannot avoid without previous experience.

If you play Bloodbourne and you can't spot any cheap deaths, there's something wrong with you!

'Those' Enemies

'That' Enemy is an enemy type that is either annoying to deal with, annoying to kill or just annoying overall. A great example would be those dart spitters in Blight Town. They are hard to spot and can inflict powerful toxin upon the player. This forces the player to consume a rare item or just die. And the Skeleton Wheels that come out of nowhere (because the sight range is short), cannot be blocked and deal a shitton of damage.

Gibbing Enemies

These are enemies placed around the world that can instantly kill the player. In Bloodbourne, about any knightcan 1hit the player with a strong attack.

Walk of Shame

Or the Walk of Defeat, is not as much part of the difficulty but contributes to artificial enlongation of the gameplay. This is the walk the player has to do from the checkpoint to the boss, because Bosses and Checkpoints are soo far apart. They're not hard or dangerous, just unnecessarily long.

Battle the Camera/FPS

The camera in Bloodbourne is annoying and hard to control in tight spaces, making the player fall off platforms or be unable to face enemies. Additionally, the auto targeting system goes spastic when the player is fighting more than 2 enemies, and if an enemy comes from behind, it will often turn the player around and expose him.

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Gallery

Art About missing Pics

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  Card crusher Bloodbourne style.
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  Obviously.
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  Note the ponyfaggotry in this picture.
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  What DS would like as a manga
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  Funfact: He actually laughs during the boss battle.
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  This image would make even the most hardcore players scream.
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  How you are greeted when your stupid ass goes to the Catacombs at the very start of the game
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  Elemental weapons aren't overpowered guys! We swear!!!1!
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  This guy is the most badass character in existence.
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  What to do when arriving at the Tomb of the Giants

See Also

• Link to the best build in the game
• The place you'll be spending the most time at other than actually playing the game.
• The other place where fags will spend their time at.

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