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NationStates

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Jennifer Government has a cult following
NS Players dressed for battle

NationStates is a lame text-based online game in which over 9000 wanna-be dictators (and, frequently, would-be dick tasters) make their own little pretend countries and discuss politics. Arguments, pseudo-wars, and mindless namecalling follows. Eventually players will be banned and cry about it on other websites, even if nobody gives a shit. At least they're not furries. Not anymore, lol (c.f. Hataria, Free Furry Islands, Far Echo Islands, Kitsuneville, Cazelia, Fox Rite, TFU and Lyncanthropia). They've even admitted to being kid diddlers, so pretty much anything goes[1].

NationStates was actually created to advertise a book by unfunny Aussie Ma[r]x Barry (who is bald to assist in unbirthing) called Jennifer Government, but nobody cares about that, mainly because it fucking sucks. Anyway, why read a book when you could be imaginary-raping imaginary peasants in your imagination?

It's run by Commies (confirmed by players) and at least one furfag (obvious). Anyone expressing a right-wing political bias is either banned or sent to work in Siberian uranium mines (confirmed). They also ban pirates, people pretending to be pirates, anybody who makes a joke, anybody who posts a smiley, and anybody who the moderators randomly decide should die. This causes much crying from the losers that use the site. However, they seem to tolerate fascists, Nazis, child molesters, pedophiles, and retards very well. It is advised to not argue with these people as Godwin's law usually applies itself around post three. Alternatively, if it doesn't, the conversation devolves into incoherent babble which will then make your throat want to strangle itself. Sometimes this involves cheesecake, which is delicious, but most often it does not.


Definitions

Based on Nationstates. The horror!

Where to go

On the front page, you will see many little links that will send you to various shit pertinent to the game. Direct yourself over to the "create a nation" section and create a nation that has a name full of lulz (Note to trolls like yourself: Things that are Banned from NS include, but are not limited to: Goatse and other porn, God Hates Fags, Swastikas (in nation flags), 4chan, and thread titles that aren't bland), fun and us. Once your nation is created, you'll end up in one of the pacific regions. In these regions (The Pacific, The East Pacific, The North Pacific, you get the picture), you will find a blend of wide-eyed newfags and holier-than-thou oldfags who, if provoked, will provide you with hours of enjoyable, fun loving lectures on the glorious history and development of the game, completely scripted to give them some sort of high-standing in the events that be (apparently everyone there is an attention whore).

If a feeder isn't your idea of a fun time, move to another region by clicking "world", going to the bottom of the page, and typing in a region. But, of course, a crash-course in regions is completely necessary! Below is a list of some regions and a brief description to go along with it, as well as the troll rating (moar stars means moar fun):

Fox Rite's flag. Used by many a troll
  • Fox Rite - A once powerful raiding region now reduced to reminiscing. Think Furluminati. Run by an EDiot. Troll Rating: ***
  • The Last Kingdom - A large region run by an attempted an hero. Troll Rating: ****
  • 10000 Islands - with only about 300 members, the landscape is pretty barren, amirite? Founder of TITO, a butthurt defendfag group. Love inactivity, hate activity. Fun times to be had here. Troll Rating: ****
  • Taijitu - Old region, lots of members, nothing happens here. Troll Rating: **
  • Gatesville - A one thousand nation region (with about half of that being puppet nations). Run by a forty year old redneck still playing the game. All the High Council are extremely butthurt over the following: image, power, pride, and being able to use that as a justification to all arguments. Among lolcows are wannabe Schlemeils (known Jew, closet lolberal amirite); also note wanna/b/ Kostemetsia, fucktard Australian and known Commie with an aptitude for shit "writing". Troll Rating: *****
  • Nicaragua - Run entirely by fat, feminazi, atheist, liberal, hispanic cows with nazi tenancies. No joke. An easy first trolling job, and always fun to watch dig themselves into holes. Troll Rating: *****
  • Gholgoth - RP region full of people who take themselves waaay too seriously. "Disrespecting" them will lead to lulzy rage. Troll Rating: ****
  • Gay - The region is completely gay. That is all. Troll Rating: ****
  • Catlandatopia - Once arguably the most powerful region in the game. Now in reminisce-mode. Troll Rating: **
  • 4chan - Yeah, even 4chan has a region. Troll Rating: WOT YOU PLAN TO TROLL 4CHAN?
  • Illuminati - A bunch of wanna-be CIA ops. Not very active, though. Troll Rating: **
  • First Reich of Der Fuhrer - Despite the name, not nazis. Everyone in the region is a drunkard, and one is an EDiot. Unfortunately linked to defenders, and often protected. Troll rating: *
  • NAZI_EUROPE - Contrary to what they want you to know, many nazis are Nationstates players. Fun to talk to. Troll Rating: ***


There are, of course, more regions than this. And in reality one can only troll up to the return of the founder or delegate. Once the founder or delegate logs in, party could be over, as they're allowed to clear the RMB and banject any newfag. However, if one wishes to troll further, many regions put their websites in the WFE as well as their forums. Troll on, brave soldier.


The crappy RP Forums

Two forums, "International Incidents," and the creatively named "NationStates" forum, are devoted to roleplay. The writing on the former consists mostly of basement-dwellers waving their kilometer long, multi-turreted, rail-gun-armed, armored steel dicks (compensation for their RL inadequacies) at each other. Posts that involve characters that are not said metal phallic substitutes are pure shit, usually consisting of two barely coherent sentences or less. Most of the time, attempts at war RP's devolve into whiny arguments about "god-modding" involving lots of pseudo-physics and flaming. Sometimes one of the fags involved is amusingly hit with the banhammer for being a tard, which the victim will sometimes come back under a different name and complain about.

The latter forum ("NationStates") claims to be more "character-based" and "story-based." This really just means that it consists of long posts which are merely thinly veiled softcore written smut, some of which is perilously close to furfagdom, and the rest of which is either LOTR ripoffs (woooo! elves in space!), or Underworld ripoffs (mostly written by Assington, The Golden Simatar and other snobs) or both (written by Tarlachia, Callisdrun, a girly-man pervert who likes menstrual blood and should be skull fucked).

These RPing circle jerks have spawned several smaller spin-off forums consisting of members who were too emo for nationstates and sad because of their insignificance. The best of these is Sovereign Kingdoms, due to the fact that the guy who runs it (as well as making over 90% of the site's posts) is a Christian fundamentalist who isn't afraid to share his opinions on niggers, jews and government. Other spin-offs include Daily Escape, Global Progress, Nations Online and World at Play. These all suck even more than NationStates, however, due to the fact that their members are teenage fucktards who can't go a week without fucking up their own site for entertainment because their posts suck so much. The faggotry of these sites is so immense that it has even infected ED; certain butthurt RPers have used this very page to BAWWWWW about the gay melodrama on these forums in TL;DR semi-coherent edits, thus exacerbating the GRIDS that is killing ED.

Notable Roleplayers:

  • Hataria (now Steppe Empire, a.k.a. The Hyperborian Khanate): As previously mentioned, he's one of the biggest furfags on NS. He got banned by the mods after proving how fucking stupid he was by threatening to sue them if they didn't side with him. He's now known as The Steppe Empire due to his actions, and is now fucking up II with bullshit-random invasions of other nations right before being continually pwnt. Is speculated to have Assburgers.
  • The Fedral Union (a.k.a. The United Terran Alliance): Pisses people off. He'll resort to name calling when something doesn't go his way, when he's not pissing people off by being shit. He also comes up with sucktastic story plots, most of which are luckily shot down by Naggeroth (his gay lover) on MSN before it reaches the light of day. He also RPs giant dick starships to make up for his lack of a penis in the first place. Also smokes pot. Hates Hataria like asshole cancer. Is also an IRL faggot.
  • Allanea: Libertarian capitalist rednecks in space with plasma rifles. Has a demigod as his leader, and hates slavers. Often loses IC debates with post-scarcity communists. Is a total ass.
  • New Dornalia: RP's some fucking Communistic future version of earth after the Fallout 3 universe. Often focuses on Catgirls and has butt sex with Huntaer because they're rumored to be RL friends.
  • Chronosia: Originally a Chaos RPer and a god to the rest of the NS losers. Now lies in absence because he kept sucking Khorne's cock for too long.
  • Auman: A member of some fucking alliance who considers it to be the most important thing in the world because he (and the rest of them) are a bunch of fucking arrogant losers/nerds. Also is a faggot for Canada and would gladly fuck a random street corner because he loves it so much.
  • The Sick Fucks: There are two notable sick fucks on the RP forums. Orthodox Gnosticism and Huntaer come to mind, one who RP's a shitty BSG alternate reality, the other who steals shit from other existing sci-fi shows and movies because he can't come up with his own original stuff. They come up with incest scenes and other rape related issues because they were raped as kids and want to share their experiences with the rest of the public. They probably butt fucked each other too.
  • The Parthians: A nation of psuedo Arab/Nazi who has no qualms murdering, raping and overall fucking shit up and profiting like Jews. An invasion by his nation is pretty much a closed casket for anyone who gets attacked. Countless nations raped under his banner
  • EWT: Full name "Evil Woody Thoughts," he certainly lacks what his title implies. He attempts to be a "tough macho" person, but in reality is actually a scrawny little white faggot who sucks dick at life. The lowest form of life, he is worse than a push over, he's a MSN pushover. Whenever someone actually shoves him back, he starts whining and bitching about him not getting his way, much more so than TFU ever does thusly, proving that he actually lacks a dick. He deleted his nation in a rage attempt at gaining sympathy from people he associated with, but no one ended up giving a fuck. Apparently, he is back as Clan Makaryk, bitching about some fucking illusion he has about "former glory," insisting that he is still bigger and better than everyone else and continues to suck his own pussy which has recently replaced the imaginary dick he had. If you want a good troll for lulz, this guy is highly recommended to fuck around with.
  • Thrashia: Another faggy Star Wars based Nation, he currently rules the wannabe- Galactic Empire alliance. His favorite character is a blue, red eyed smurff named "Grand Admiral Thrawn" and continuously thinks about sucking his dick and having his ass being fucked by the Admiral. He thinks his smurff fag is the best thing since General Grant, though he can only hope that he can one day suck Admiral Helena Cain's tiny-ass lesbian tits.
  • Unified Sith: Aka "Sithy," is one of the oldest Star Wars fags on NS. He continuously likes to suck George Lucas's cock and pussy (yes, lucas has both) by praising his name. He's also an admitted priest, thusly automatically making him a child molester and pedophile.
  • Skaugra: Known for his Mechwarrior faggotry, he's also an acknowledge sailor making him a guy who loves to drink semen. He's also of the opinion that 500 gigaton nukes are awesome compared to giant lazers of d000mz. In reality though, people who argue for either size are obviously making up for the dick that they lack.
  • Balrogga: Likes to RP a race of sucktastickness known as "kythons" who are nigh but invincible in most ways. This obviously indicates he simply doesn't have a big enough dick to fuck with everyone else on the forums and has to make up for it by making up gayness. He's also one of the oldest players on NS, indicating a possible pedophile.
  • Derscon: Probably one of the gayest players on NS. He relies on characters that are literally "Gods," making him all but invincible. Clearly this indicates he's making up for lack of skill, and the size of his dick. He also has a fetish for blood orgies indicated by the constant death tournament stories he starts up.
  • Godular: AKA: Godmodular by many who have placed him on "ignore." The guy is overly obsessed with Lovecraft, going so far as he wishes he could suck the fucktard's decomposing cock, indicating necrophilia urges. He loves to fap to his own apparent awesomeness, which no one else bothers to acknowledge. Almost on the same scale as the "Sick Fucks," however he doesn't focus on rape and incest as much as he focuses on fucking dead bodies and blood orgies.
  • The Wick (AKA: The Farstars Republic): A general all around douchebag who likes to fuck everybody else's ideas, making him one of the bigger dicks on NS. He also likes to fap to his own characters having sex, whom he and Orthodox Gnosticism wrote out on a few occasions. Notably, he thinks he's the best simply because he's a retired marine. Sadly, he fails to realize this only makes him a baby eater.
  • C'tan: Originally a Necron player of sorts, he has since long fallen from the path of Warhammergayness and into general all around faggotry. A mere shadow of the C'tan gods themselves, he clearly should stop pretending to be the necrons and just simply accept the fact that he lives in his parents basement, fapping to furries.

The even worse non-RP Forums

NSGers' opinion of themselves
NSGers in reality

Other forums include "Gameplay," where idiots come to ask how to change their flag, their region, their motto, or any of a variety of stupid questions that their down syndrome asses can't figure out themselves, "United Nations," where nsfags go to take themselves too seriously as if their proposals actually mattered and weren't just hours of wasted time, "Moderation," where people go to whine about getting flamed or banned, an activity that causes much laughing among the mods, and "General."

This last is filled with pseudo-intellectuals, commies, wine-sipping socialistas, creationists, evolutionists who hate the creationists, volvo-driving liberals, bush-fellating conservatives, anarchists, libertarians (most of which claim they have Asperger's Syndrome), niggers, camwhores, objectivists, fags, morons who hold every kind of dumbass political ideology ever invented, old farts and all other manner of annoying people who should not be on the internet. Apparently half the forum has some form of autism or other mental disorder. Memes from 4chan often appear in watered down form on NSG years later. The moderators basically keep anything from getting too fun, chiefly by banning anyone who pwns another poster too massively. The entire forum suffers from unwarranted self importance and consists almost entirely of attention whores. It gets boring after about a day because in the history of the forum there has never been an original thread (except for the one Der Fuhrer Dyszel titled "If I had a Penis," which the mods ruined by changing the title to "If I was a man," which demonstrated how the mods are anti-fun, as the thread was not about DFD waking up as a man, but as a dick-girl, and the one created by this pervert from Canada aptly nicknamed "Sin," where all the NStards reveal how kinky they are; this thread was closed by the mods because the mods felt like it) since the creation of the site. Other shining examples of intellectual stimulating debate include nuclear bomb will explode, torture terrorist's daughter? and Pedophiles get a bad rap, both of which include much lulz, b&hammer usage and subsequent moderator cocksucking out of mortal fear.

The rest of NS hates NSG as much as encyclopaedia dramatica does. Probably even more.

Notable NSG members

  • Lunatic Goofballs - Almost confirmed homosexual pedophile by own admission thanks to much investigative research and mostly lulz; it is a NSG tradition that people praise him and his massive cock, and gently stroke it, once he uses his b&hammer, for they fear he will use it on them.
  • Marathon - OlDsKoOl troll from cira 2003. Used to troll the liberals and libertarians by calling them pussies for not defending America from Iraq.
  • The Red Arrow - High school libfag who constantly copypasta'd articles from informationclearinghouse.info, infowars.com, and other batshit insane websites.
NSG is known for its posters' willingness to rationally consider outside opinions

How to Troll

All apply.

If you want to make a nuisance of yourself, just follow these simple step-by-step instructions.


If you do this late at night, it will be at least a day before anyone notices. Even if someone notices, no one will actually do anything. Seriously. Nothing.

Other known troll-triggers include praising / condemning a former nation called Francos Spain, claiming to be a member of DEN, Fox Rite, or Gatesville (fly said regions' respective flags ftw), getting into completely irrelevant arguments with older players (nations with populations bigger than 3 billion), and randomly leading "movements" across larger regions.

Alternatively, post a thread on General saying you support anything. It doesn't matter what—but generally, conservative bias achieves moar lulz. Edit: Be sure to stick around and pretend to argue for whatever position your thread is supporting/condemning/whatever. This way it will take them longer to realize that you are a troll. If possible, start a huge new argument over some technicality in someone's post. This will have them going for hours and will make your trolling most lulzy. However, no troll is ever as good as Jesussaves.

Alternatively alternatively, post something mean about the faggot known as "Fass" (also known as Fassigen and Fassitude). This will cause an uproar on the forum, with about half leaping to this forum celebrity's defense and the other half agreeing with whatever terrible things you are saying about him. Can be highly entertaining if you're plagued by boredom. Moar difficult, but also great fun, is trolling the fuck out of Andaras. Andaras was too easy to troll so he got banned. Instead, try trostia, Heikoku, or cat-tribe, especially if you can get them to have a pussy fight with each other.

Massive lulz can also be derived from baiting well-established players. This can be done by calling them Tyrants or Barbarians for some time until they finally snap in an ejaculatory rage.

Who made it? Fuck if anyone knows, but it's hilarious for 1. lolbertarianism and 2. RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE. Shit because it's so overused and full of butthurt the players will laugh and the mods will delete a user on the spot. They call this DOS (deleted on sight). NOW YOU KNOW.|0}}

See also

Link

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