Anime News Network

This article is a keg of shit that has been fermenting so long it's just about ready to explode. It is an abhorrence and blasphemy of Encyclopedia Dramatica's good name. You can help by fixing it or it will be sent to Uncyclopedia.

Anime News Network(or ANN for short) is a weeaboo butt-hurt website devoted to animu with shitty news they steal mostly from 2ch. If you can access 2ch you're better off even though it is in japanese because then you don't have to put up with their stupid weeaboo crap.

Long, long ago in the past, ANN use to be a bit less fail than it is now. They use give non-biasist news. However, they seen and realized what other tv news channels are doing, and decided to become total shit. This was due to the fact that they were loosing money, and that Sevakis wanted to ensure he could fap to all the drama he would cause when he started to make bullshit news stories.

Justin Sevakis, Issac Alexander and Zac Bertschy during one of their famous orgy parties

HISTORY

Anime News Network was founded by Justin Sevakis in July 1998 because he was sick of having to go to japan to get loli porn. In May 2000, because Sevakis's wrist was getting so sore from all the fapping he was doing to loli he hired well known assistant cock stroker Isaac Alexander to stroke his dick while he continued to make, steal, publish news . In the fall of 2004, the editorial staff at ANN became formally involved with the anime magazine Protoculture Addicts only go out of business after 2 years. LOL

FEATURES?

ANN has a bunch of worthless articles no one really gives a shit about except for reviews and Answerman. All the other sections are filler with images of shitty animu not even weeaboos give a fuck about. This is mostly due to the fact that all staff who work for Anime News Network are atleast 30 years of age, think that all Miyazaki movies are the best shit EVAR! And probably have BO so bad they could kill a cat in less than 30 seconds in a confined space.

File:Anime news nina animefan.jpg

How Anime News Network sees the ordinary animu fan

Long, long ago in the past, ANN use to be a bit less fail than it is now. They use give non-biased news. However, they seen and realized what other tv news channels are doing, and decided to become total shit.

Hey Answerfags!

Zac Bertschy is a self hating basement dweller who's also a virgin and loves sucking his own cock. His article Hey Answerman! Was totally devoted to his fans to suck and stroke his cock for eternity, which involves him answering stupid weeaboo questions that he finds the answers to via google. There isn't one answerman article that didn't have someone sucking on his tiny pathetic pint size dick.

Zach as seen writing his answerfag blog.

Not only that but near a period of time there wasn't one article where Zac wasn't insulting weeaboos at the same time while answering their retard questions. Unfortunately because they're all fucktards too stupid to see how much Zac thought they were, because they were all 13 year old boys who were never born with a brain to begin with.

Flake of the Week

Is a pathetic excuse of what Zac considers to be lulz. Most of them are from faggot animu retards who think that he sucks for no real reason and are full of fail. This could be indeed proof that all of the people on ANN are retards. Either that or it's all made up, lol.

	“	If i could change anything about the way anime is released in america it would be to keep the origanal art. becuase i have seen Naruto on cartoon network and yes they say its for kids but they take out all the blood, cussing and most of what jiriya does. i watch Naruto on the internet and i feel sorry for the american watchers who dont get to see everything. i would also so dont change the theam songs or take them out you have to have a theme song! this is my first time emailing the answerman thing so this might not have been what you are looking for but arigatou!	„
	—Some Retard weeaboo possibly Chris-chan

Proof that ANN could be trying to troll each other, or that maybe all their fans are 13 year old boys.

Answerman Proof of Faggorty

	“	In the spirit of defusing all that anger and tension, this week's edition of Hey, Answerman! will focus entirely on positive things. What's more positive than rainbows and kittens? NOTHING. And anyone who says otherwise is an empty-headed moron..	„
	—Proof Zac is a faggot and a furry.

	“	I'm not really an anime fan, in the basic sense of the word. I'm sure that will be quoted out of context every time someone wants to slam me for being a phony, but it is basically the truth (with a lot of caveats).	„
	—Zac admits to being a hypocrite weeaboo, much worse than being a real one.

	“	Welcome to the internet, where nobody's allowed to have a moderate opinion and worthless blanket judgments are the order of the day.	„
	—Zac not reading what he has written

“Well, that's not entirely true. But I am hangin' up my answerin' hat, at least as the column's regular writer, for good.”

-Zac is leaving but unfortunately for us the same can't be said for his faggy underlings.

Post-Answerfag

After a while being sick of being a butt-hurt virgin, another weeaboo decided to take over, his name is Brian Hanson. At this moment he seems to be fine- HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS He's a whiny little faggot too!

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File photo of Ben Hanson.

Funimation vs. ???

Last Thursday some weeaboo decided to hack into Funimation's server to upload the latest episode from One Piece. Funimation was so butt-hurt by this they decided to take down the video baleeted fucking everything! It seems like funimation is ran by 16 year old girls. A week later it happened again, this time with Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood (an animu about Edward Elrick fucking his brother Alphonse, srsly that's all there is in it). They also released another animu no one gives a shit about either.

ANN vs. Fansubs

Last Thursday ANN posted a total baw about the evils of fansubbing. For those who don't know fansubbing is done by animu fans who can actually speak japanese and turn it into english for free. But the animu world was very upset at this, companies like ADV and Jew were very butthurt by the fact that weeaboos were fapping to free animu porn. So they paid off ANN to support them full heatedly. Now every article that ANN puts up has something against fansubs and about how fansubbing is lie.

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How Anime News Network thinks fansub lovers act.

	“	I'm compelled to argue with your "without fansubs, there are no fans!" thing. I've been hearing this more and more and frankly, it's a huge load of horseshit. Over the years, artists routinely thank their fans; "I wouldn't be here without you," etcetera. They acknowledge and occasionally obey their fans. Why is that? Because the fans support the artist by purchasing their work, buying their movies and merchandise, attending concerts, introduce new fans to the work, all of that. That's why the moniker "fan" is supposed to demand a certain level of respect from the artist, because it's a mutually beneficial relationship. That's why fans are often catered to, that's why artists routinely show their appreciation for their fans.	„
	—Zac doing it wrong

BAWWW + FUNIMATION + ANN = PROFIT!!

Because funimation is paid to not endorse any fansubs due to the fact animu companies lose money, every free minute they have they will shove this shit down the throats of everyone that fansubs are bad mm'kay? Because of this, Brian Hanson the new answer fag decided to throw a hissy fit much like the 16 year old girls the people on Funimation are and wrote this little rant:

Before I get into any sort of speculation: seriously, f*** that guy. That guy that wormed his way through Funimation's servers and gained access to the episode's video file and then posted it for other like-minded leeches. F*** him. Why would any person do that, aside from being a nefarious little f***-up trying to ruin everything? If he really, really wanted an episode to download to his hard drive, he could've waited a day or two for the other bajillion fansub groups who for one reason or another would have "issues" with Funimation's translation and do their own. F*** that guy and I hope that all his hopes and dreams are crushed and he leads a sad, lonely life devoid of purpose and meaning.

-Brian proving he's got the patience of a 13 year old boy. BAWWWWW

Denial

	“	"animu" is just another 4chan in-joke. It probably came from some specific post somewhere that some sad nerd on Encyclopedia Dramatica can recite verbatim.	„
	—Anime News Network, [1]

How to Troll ANN

• Go to their forums
• Upload a ton of sites for fansubs
• Say Zac Bertschy was a 40 year old faggot
• Say that anyone who buys animu is a fucktard
• Say that Naruto is a shitty anime
• Mention that you're glad that guy uploaded free animu before funimation
• Mention You're the guy who did it!
• Say that anime wouldn't be anywhere without fansubs
• say you never buy anime
• Say that you hate all censorship in anime
• Say that you support all censorship in anime
• Ask ANN how much money they get from animu companies to not support fansubs.
• say all cosplayers look like fat arseholes
• Tell Brian he's got a small cock
• E-mail Answerman with goatse, tubgirl any shock photos you can find
• ???
• PROFIT!

External Links

• Answerman E-mail! Send him goatse and tubgirl, show weeaboos how trolling is really done!
• The Site
• Zac Bertschyon twitter
• On Facebook

Anime News Network is part of a series on Anime Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.