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Girl on the Internet Syndrome
Girl on the Internet Syndrome, or gotis for short, is a condition all females on the internet must avoid at all costs. It is a common trap almost completely reserved for the fairer sex, and usually the fatties at that. Gotis is a result of the philosophy that there are no girls on the internet, or ngoti.
Girl on the internet syndrome, like most problems facing women, is the direct fault of the nerdy men trying to have sex with them. Hitting on someone the second you find out she's (allegedly) female leads to the development of this obnoxious disorder.
Symptoms
- Being an attention troll
- Talking about your period or the smell of jizz on IRC
- Making constant references to tits / blowjobs / cum dumpster
- Blogging / constant whining [1]
- Narcissism, fishing for compliments, always ready to show off in hopes of inciting jealousy / feelings of inadequacy in others
- Expecting special privileges
- Attempts to allocate hordes of white knights to fulfill wishlist
- Sufferers usually place "goddess" (which sounds very similar to "gotis") in their username. Specialists theorize that this is caused by the afflicted subconsciously trying to communicate the nature of their ailment.
—loliliberator, diagnosing a sufferer on EDF | ||
Meme Awareness
WARNING: Meme-aware GOTI travel in packs. If the afflicted is aware of all internet traditions always assume there is more than one within proximity. GOTI working together breeds the disease in ebola form, as these Hunter-Killers turn innocent internet cells into cancer, seducing them with juicy gossip about how many faggots they have strung along into believing they give a fuck about anything lulz related and how the intake of attention acts as a crutch to keep their decaying self-esteems from collapsing under its own collective weight. Failure to proceed with caution and any less than surgical troll precision will result in failure and possibly repercussions from white knights. Some are aware of the term GOTIS, and may be reading this page, rubbing their fat sausage-link-ended hands together, making a sloshy wet-meat-on-meat sound, thinking they've got their infected terrans right where they want them if there are those among the community that would take precautions against them. This is known as GOTIs, or GOTI^S, which is GOTIS to the s degree, astronomical exponentiation, a form of upward-spiraling USI. You can feel it now, can't you. The denial overriding your fledgling rationale and self respect. Attention is the only thing in the world worth having, it is immortality.
Diagnosis
Diagnosis of gotis can only be given by a medical expert with previous experience in dealing with various types of internet disease. Due to the fact that mostly males organize, administer, and occupy online communities, the afflicted female brain when introduced into such a dynamic will immediately try to establish her place high atop a social hierarchy projected from her own imagination on to the community. The delta between the expectations of the afflicted with reality exchanges energy in the form of the aforementioned symptoms.
However, as a rule of thumb for the layman, if there is a girl in your community exhibiting at least two of the above symptoms, chances are you may have a sufferer of gotis on your hands. Unless the admins want their shit turning into a leper colony, thus driving away precious ad-revenue potential, they'll do the responsible thing and quarantine the infected without incident, generating lulz in proportion to the formula:
Where t is time between inception and ban.
Standard Precautions
Taking basic measures against GOTIS is a necessity for any online community, should it hope to survive. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of the cure, and is really common sense when you think of it, like washing your hands after entering and before leaving a public restroom. Here are some time tested methods of preventing GOTIS.
- When you enter a new online community, assume NGOTI
- When someone claims to be a girl, claim to be one yourself.
If you do not enforce standard sanitation rules do not cry when your community devolves into a chaotic frenzy of drooling leghumping white knight faggotry.
Treatment
Confrontation of the Female
A quick method is to confront the female. A good ego smashing will often do the trick. However, this must be done strategically. In a public room, white knights will often kickban you into submission. If still in the early stages, pm may be the way to go. Remember, sometimes to help people you have to be mean to them. This is a tenet of trolling, and it's a way that trolling makes the internet better.
Confrontation of the Community
Girl on the internet syndrome can also be cured by getting the community to smarten up. Make them know how autistic they're acting and inform them of the futility of white knighting. Remind them that they will never have sex with her. Ever.
Ignoring
—Cunt_Destroyer | ||
If you are a pussy, you can always just ignore the female in question's attention whoring. This might work if others follow your example. However, a confrontational method is usually recommended.
These methods are considered the correct approaches. Naturally, the more common, uneducated, incorrect approach is considered the main cause of this syndrome.
Setting an Example
When a GOTI appears, form a committee. Put on a show. Quarantine her within a circle. Make her feel special within this bubble. Give her a sense of power. Let her get comfortable. Let her disclose her drama. Have fun with it, get creative. Be the friends. Then when the time is right drop the bomb and disclose the treasure trove of logs and pics to her family and friends. Enjoy the fruits of your labor, you've just turned lemons into a lemonparty.
Causes
Horny teenagers
Just like faggots need fag enablers, sufferers need teenagers and nerds to develop their disease. As mentioned earlier, men are at the root of this unfortunate occurrence. Without horny teenagers, there is no gotis. It is simply by elevating the female's self esteem without any bar keeping it down that causes this very widespread phenomenon affecting every community online.
Fatties
Girl on the Internet Syndrome most often afflicts fatties. It is suspected that this occurs because fatties can't get any love in the real world, so they instead maintain anonymity for as long as possible on the internet to try to get the feeling they see their more popular classmates and friends receive. Sufferers of gotis will inevitably show a picture or allow a method of finding it. This often occurs once their self esteem is so high they fail to see any negative consequence. Luckily for these fatties, however, this is the internet. A white knight will even defend a fat chick, so long as he's online and his buddies can't see him doing it.
Trannies
Sometimes the sufferer will have a dick IRL. Trannies are the most gendered people in the world; while claiming there's a girl inside their boy's body, they do everything they can to conform to every female stereotype possible. On the internet, the tranny gets the chance to tell people he's a girl, just as he does in real life. The difference is now people can't turn away and laugh just by looking at his jaw.
Trannies can be spotted talking about their period every two weeks as well as all the other symptoms. In the end it doesn't make much difference if you have a tranny, fatty, cripple or hot chick on the other end. All sufferers are burdens on whatever community you're part of. Except when the tranny is outted you'll be that much more embarrassed that you were being autistic for a weeaboo crossdresser.
White Knights
White knights are a faction of the aforementioned horny teenagers. However, they come after someone has properly diagnosed the female. The white knight will defend the sufferer til he must log off for dinner or til he realizes the fucking pointlessness of it all. While a white knight may tell himself he is doing the right thing, it is really a triggered impulse to defend and seek the attention of every female he can. White knights suffer many flaws, from thinking the internet is serious business to thinking they'll get sex from a screen name. It is often necessary to bust white knights before making your way to the final boss that is the sufferer.
Misconceptions
It should be noted that not all girls on the internet suffer from gotis. The term is reserved for those exceptionally useless people who identify themselves as "the girl" in all online communities. Furthermore, please note that attractive girls can be sufferers too. They are much rarer, but always keep in mind that you will never have sex with a screen name.
It has also been noted that Girl On The Internet syndrome has the capacity to spread outside of the internet. Girls in every university science department ever exhibit exactly the same fucking thing.
Healing
When busted, the female has three options. She may continue her denial and keep up the same patterns. She may follow a final solution in an attempt to get her accuser into deep shit with the community (most often seen on Wikipedia). This is perhaps the most arrogant, desperate, and attention whoring solution possible. Finally, she may realize her illness and become a useful contributor to the community.
If she chooses the first option, it is recommended that you convince the community of her uselessness. Be prepared to bust some white knights. If she chooses the second option, point out her extreme drama; in a non-retarded website, the community will be glad to get rid of her. In case of the third option, be sure to not let a repeat case happen. As mentioned above, gotis does NOT affect all girls on the internet, but repeat cases do happen.
Famous Sufferers
- Applemilk
- Arguecat
- Brittany Holechko
- EDS1
- Your Mom
- Esachasa
- Girlvinyl
- Jessi Slaughter
- Katy
- Kikyo Maaka
- Lexi Bee
- MeganSpeaks
- Mickyy Moo
- Minax
- Minxy
- Randi Harper
- Rina-chan
- Boxxy
- Suirenoki
- Pamela
- Every female poster on EQ2Flames
- Every mod at The Asylum
- Every camwhore ever.
- 2/3 of the "female" sysops on Wikipedia
- 3/3 of the "female" sysops on Encyclopedia Dramatica
- 3/4 of female players in any MMORPG (but especially EVE)
- Coolfag[2]
- Stormtrooper[3]
- Baya Rae 4900 [4]
See Also
- User Stress Syndrome
- A frank discussion of mental illness
- No girls on the internet
- Attention whore
- Almost raped
- Fat Girl Angle Shot
- Girl Drama
- Girl Gamer
External Links
| Girl on the Internet Syndrome is part of a series on LERNIN 2 INTERNET 
|
Pitfalls: Aspierations • BLANKING IN PROGRESS • Charming Naïveté • Delete fucking everything • DOIN IT RONG • Edginess • Failing it • Internet tough guy • Kids on the internet • Legal action • Liberalism • Mental illness • Mod Sass • Skript kiddies • Sob Stories • Trolls • Unrealistic Expectations • Unwarranted Self-Importance • Waaaambulance Previous Hiscores: PROTIPS: |
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| Featured article February 21, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Mill Park Tree |
Girl on the Internet Syndrome | Succeeded by Doll Bases |