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Angry Grandpa
—Angry Grandpa | ||
—Angry Grandpa | ||
Angry Grandpa (Charlie Green) is a pathetic subhuman heathen of a man, and quite possibly the world's most hilarious example of trailer trash. He is renowned for tearing up entire kitchens over shitty Brach's candy, smashing televisions and furniture, yelling at his miserable children, and unleashing farts toxic enough to permanently destroy the planet's eco-system.
Beginnings
Charlie Green was raised in a poor hillbilly family living in a trailer complex. As trailer trash yield little to no social intelligence nor class, little Charlie was basically the poster-boy for hillbillies everywhere - young, dumb, full of cum, and yielding an unhealthy obsession with smoking and beer. Instead of being whisked off to a higher land promising social class and a degree of wealth, Grandpa grew up in his hillbilly haven and eventually found love in the form of Tina - his mentally-challenged crackhead of a bulldyke wife EX-wife. This union was made during what must have been a fit of intoxication among the worst levels. Grandpa and Tina decided to have hot steamy dirty raunchy sex the old fashioned hippie way - this yielded four horrible ugly children whom are as detrimental to the human race as the mass of Facebook's userbase.
At some point, Grandpa began losing it. He became a compulsive alcoholic like his own father and became increasingly angry and borderline abusive towards everyone around him. One Christmas, he decided to take out his wild impulses on his daughter's children in the form of telling them that Santa Claus ain't real. This is where old Grandpa's life took a turn for the worse.
One of Grandpa's kids Michael Green took a video highlighting his father's insane rage and shared it on the internet. This spread like wildfire in an oil field, catching hundreds of thousands of views. As Grandpa is already a basket case, Michael found it suit to film him going nuts on his own impulse or by pulling off amazing pranks to purposely piss him off. These pranks range from genuinely lulzy to forced shit just to make Michael's account gain more views and monies. As ol' Grandpa has aged on and become more senile, it is more common to see him provoked instead of letting him rage on his own. Warranted? You be the judge.
Social Justice Bullshit
Grandpa and the crew are naturally not smart citizens. They do not comprehend the universal concept of "do unto others as others shall do unto yourself" despite Grandpa being a Catholic Baptist Non-Denominational-Christian and Pickleboy a fairly moderate Agnostic. Instead, everyone warrants an air of self-importance over little reason and cause than their existence. To make their vapid, self-obsessed existences look halfway tolerable, they now support shitty social justice causes including "women's rights", "gay marriage", and of course the most laughable of all: "respect". The same man who's driven to up-throw his entire living room in rage is now telling us to be nicer to each other. His same son who cried over The Office finishing up is also going to tell us about the joys of liberal ideology and mutual respect while tearing apart wresting action figures and DVDs. Let's all put the Iron to the E now.
Ludicrous Fanbase
"Angry Grandpa" has acquired a mass of idiotic fans who don't just watch the videos for cheap laughs like every smart person. Instead, these people wage comment wars over which member of Grandpa's family is dumbest, most violent, smartest, least sane, and so forth. Whom to cheer for, whom to wish dread and misery upon, and of course which group of people Grandpa should rage at next. These range from castrated whiteknights who typecast Bridgette as a poor abused girl who is forced to deal with two stupid fatasses (because women can never do any wrong on their own) to people who think Grandpa is a well-intent family man who's just upset at how his kids turned out. Fierce debates over the integrity of Pickleboy's motives are brought up as well - is he a simple kid who wanted to bring himself out of trailer drudgery, or is he a thieving scam artist who's exploiting his senile father for as much money as he can make? The answers for all of this reside in a very simple phrase.
The Hillbilly Circus
Charlie 'Angry Grandpa' Green - An old angry fatass who suffers from an alcohol addiction and is theorized to have Bipolar disorder, causing him to spin out of control at any given moment. Has been banned from every Wal-Mart in a 100 mile radius for doing horrible things like smashing a jar of jelly against the wall and swearing at employees. Despite understandably griping about the country's welfare state status, he himself lives off food stamps and constant support from his son Michael. These days he is less angry and more senile, resulting in a bit less legit lulz compared to the olden days where he'd flip shit at the drop of a hat.
Michael 'Pickle Boy' Green - Charlie's fatass monstrosity of a son and overall sissy boy. Despite being the ultimate symbol of modern America's youth, he is only redeemed in having filmed his father's insane outrages over the years. This is where his redeeming qualities end - he is morbidly obese, eats like a cow, resembles a female Bono, and voted for Obama twice. He is also a massive fan of wrestling, and is known to throw massive hissy fits himself over this. He finally got his ass handed to him upon raging at the results of the 2014 WWE Royal Rumble which multiple talk-show and radio hosts took aim at his utter lack of decency, masculinity, and his habit of grunting like a prostitute in anguish. He is named Pickle Boy because he ate his own dick in thoughts that it was a leftover pickle.
Tina Green - Angry Grandpa's ex-waifu and example of why meth is bad. A lazy, drugged out, thoughtless heathen obsessed with Elvis, Tina was the perfect match for Grandpa being stupid and insane herself. She only married Grandpa for the sake of hot dirty sex and never thought out the consequences of living with your male mirror counterpart for the rest of your life. Nor did she think out how awful an idea it was for two stupid hillbillies to have children. She divorced ol' Charlie in 2012, and probably lives in a dumpster full of Elvis memorabilia. Despite divorcing his sorry ass, she's still a lunatic who looks like Emperor Palpatine in drag.
Bridgette West - Michael's desperate cow of a girlfriend. Joined up with the manlandwhale after finding his MySpace profile and thinking his shitty emo profile picture was sort of cool. She is also fat and bears the dining etiquette of a diseased cow. In recent months she's ballooned in weight, to the point of rivaling her lawful master and eventual hubby. This was dismissed as the side effects of medication, though a basic look around the house suggests something more corpulent in nature. This is ironic as fans used to come to Bridgette's defense under pretense that she was hot. Upon gaining weight, fans now see her for the true ignoramus she really is and habitually spam video comments with remarks on her obesity. She primarily lives with Michael by choice for the sake of love, warmth, and happiness money, proving once more that she is in fact stupid on her own - this shatters the long-standing myth that all women are simply crazy from being forced to live with stupid men, as she made the fucking choice herself. Luckily, her mass of white knights have fallen apart upon this realization, giving a small glimmer of hope that humanity isn't entirely doomed.
Tina (the neighbor) Horrifying bulldyke who happens to live near Grandpa's poopcave. She is a veritable nightmare made flesh, from being morbidly obese to not wearing a bra to finally screaming like an air raid siren. She is one of relatively few people to invoke fear into Grandpa, effectively pussy-whipping him into submission. Sadly this perfect couple will never wed - she's married to a pimp who she had at least four kids with. And yes, she lives in a fucking trailer.
Jennifer Green Grandpa's shitmongling daughter, whom is only slightly less cringe inducing than Michael. While not morbidly obese, she still bears the family genes of wielding a total lack of intellect, ranging from having kids she refused to support to mingling with men after divorcing her first husband. Got her shit handed to her by Grandpa, and has slowly learned the values of not being a total piece of filth. It doesn't help she still looks creepy, however.
Batista Object of Michael's massive rage. Unlike Grandpa's lulzy fits from candy and the economy, Batista is simply a bought-and-paid wrestler doing his job to make a living. This, somehow, is terrible to poor old Michael, who called out Batista as a scam artist who clouts up the wrestling system from other newer trainees. What Michael doesn't care to know is wrestling is fake - it's soap opera for men - and of course this lead to one of the most cringeworthy videos uploaded on Youtube yet. Despite his relevance to Michael, Batista has nothing to do with the moron masses personally.
Things Angry Grandpa has broken
- Washing Machine
- Keyboard
- Michael's door
- Michael's anus
- Bridgette
- Bridgette's old laptop
- Microwaves
- Barbecue
- Fruit rack
- Grandchildren's belief in Santa
- The walls
- Door knob
- Car battery
- Valentine's Day balloon
- His grandchildren's feelings
- Tina's heart
- Pimento cheese
- Christmas lights
- Christmas tree
- Tina's tax forms
- His belt
- Tina
- Tina's vagina
- Grape jelly
- Some chairs
- Computer monitor
- Screen Door
- Swimming pool
- Slip n Slide
- Tina's Elvis crap
- Elvis Experience tickets
- Shed door
- His toenail
- Stomach cyst
- Michael's Camera
- TV
- Microwave(again)
- Toaster
- Stove/Oven
- Refrigerator
- Stereo
- Bathtub (along with rest of bathroom)
- Michael's HD TV
- Dryer(again)
- Fatboygetdown
- Marriage with Tina
- Xbox 360
- Couch
- Another couch
- Dryer again
Places Grandpa's been banned from
- Charlie Brown's Seafood Market
- Cici's Pizza
- McDonald's
- Papa John's Pizza
- Target
- Wall-Mart