Bureaucratic Fuck

See the Wikipedia Portal for coverage of certain Wikipedia insider freaks.

A Bureaucratic Fuck is a wiki guy or shemale who tries to keep things in order when those things do not inherently tend toward order (for example, the entirety of the known universe). Females cannot be bureaucratic fucks. They can, however, be bitches. As ED believes in gender equality they will be included on this page as well.

An excellent place to observe bureaucratic fucks without actually having to follow their orders is Wikipedia. Fucks tend to be vandalism patrollers; patrollers who get sick thrills from blocking people (often for no reason at all); "robot gnome" editors who are hopelessly OCD; and socializers who do no actual work on the database at all, they just hang around and take credit for things. Watch as they oppress the masses with their petty rules and stultifying, meaningless protocols without earning a single cent. The king of the Bureaucratic Fucks, and the facilitator of all the others, is the Supreme Pussy-Muncher Overlord of Wikipedia, Jimbo Wales. It is in him that all Wikipedians find their true calling. All hail, Lord of the NPOV! HEIL! HEIL! Srsly.

Wikipedia is a top-10 destination on the internets and ends up in the top 10 of way too many Google searches. In the real world, some degree of responsibility and accountability would be demanded of such a massive organization (like Enron -- there has to be someone to sue! There has to be a hole to stick your wiener into!). Unfortunately, not so in the case of the Wikipedofucks.

There are good, honest people with admin powers on WP. It wants to be a corrupt joke, but in the past it always had enough content workers and decent admins to more-or-less balance out the lunatics and the antisocial pricks. Unfortunately, many of them are leaving in disgust, thus increasing the powerz of the worst ones. And causing the encyclopedia content to get both longer and less readable.

This list only mentions ACTIVE Wiki-bastards. For info on the ones who quit or were tossed out, see Former Bureaucratic Fucks.

The admins

The average age of a Wikipedia admin is 13. Average penis length: 1.2 inches. And that, buddy, is skewed upwards by the presence of a handful of degenerates whose only social outlet is their band of fellow children. Yes, the world's fifth-largest website is run by cliquey kids and the pedos who prey on them! As one would expect, leaving day-to-day operations to a bunch of greasy-palmed kids and fat pervs is a recipe for full-scale cocksucking faggotry. Imagine the biggest losers and social misfits from high school -- the hormonal angst, the zit cases, the dateless geeks, the fatties and dorks -- and ponder their collective teeny-angst and anger. Now give them the power to run a massive online community and create their own governance with no oversight. When even nominal editing on Wikipedia results in user flame wars that bring in heavy-handed "administrator" attention, the question potential wiki-users should ask themselves is, Do I really want my knowledge, even my person, to be judged, juried, and executed by Piggy, Roger and Jack with his choirboys? (That's a Lord of the Flies reference. Look it up. Or watch the movie, which was pretty cool, too.)

Wikipedia is like a giant blackboard in a university. Actual instructors use it to write actual information at a few certain times, and the rest of the 24 hours the blackboard is scribbled on by stupid, incompetent graffiti artists -- who also happen to run the university.

The Wikimedia Foundation is just peachy with this jacked-up state of affairs, going so far as to brag about it. As John Seigenthaler and various others have found out, they believe themselves immune to legal threats. As a non-profit, they have no assets (although Jimmy Wales has a collection of broke-ass sports cars). While they claim immunity as an "Internet Host", some would argue that the foundation's structure makes them liable as publishers. The next step would be to pass the buck to their contributors and operations, who are suit-immune minors or anonymous.

Magical Hall Of Fame

The really speshul snowflakes of Jimboland get their own articles on ED.

Finding open criticism of their dirty tricks on WMF servers is almost impossible, because Wikipedia is censored, asshole. Every person/thing in this list has repeatedly abused other editors, violated Wikipedia's shit-assed "rules" repeatedly, and in some cases rewrote those "rules" to suit themselves (a notorious example being Slim's rewriting of the Notability requirements). Wiki is a goddamn freak show, they are scum, and they close ranks to protect one another. See how easy that is?

Extra-special mention for Erik Möller, Wikimedia Deputy Director. Fuck you with a chainsaw, Erik. They pay him a six-figure salary to fuck things up.
And don't forget Essjay. That was when Wikipedia started its slow decline.

Bureaucratic fucks? In my ED?

ED is not TOW, although new users often expect strange and alien TOW concepts like respect natural justice, and human rights when they get here. While on TOW these mechanisms are in place to ensure fairness and equity, on ED they exist largely to foster such abuse, generating further lulz at the expense of hapless victims, including locking their talk pages after banning them, then sodomizing their dogs. To further assist in milking the lolcow, ED:ARBCHAT was created. Some poor fools would like to think this is their ticket to salvation and a return to the loving embrace of the greater ED community, but really it is just another heartbreakingly macabre circus ring for the cadaverous and hideous net-denizens that tyrannically rule ED to lighten their unbeating and blackened hearts with drama, like an ocean trying to warm itself around a candle. And you love it.

For an example of all this in action, see this transcript of a shocking, Stalinesque arbchat show trial, conducted purely for purposes of propaganda, persecution of class enemies, and lulz. Or just shrug it off as tl;dr and skip below to some much lulzier profiles of the bureaucratic fucks over at Wikipedantry.

Roll call!!

Below are some less-important fucks. They don't deserve their own separate articles, because it is lulzier if we disregard their "valuable contributions" to Wikipedia. Cue recorded laughter.

Bbb23

Guaranteed to be a sockpuppet with admin powers, he is a fucker plus three more fuckers, and probably stark raving screaming insane. No one has the slightest idea who he is in reality. Even other WP nerds are totally in the dark. All he does is delete things and threaten people. He blocked this IP address [1], and carefully reverted every minor and harmless change the IP user made. The Aristocrats!

probably not him, just a random cocksucker

The photo shown here is probably a "red herring", he's great at pulling tricks to hide his real purposes. He might be your mom, he might be Jesus, he might be that dog-fucker faggot Chibiabos.

Bsadowski1

A previous version of Brian's userpage, before he was informed on how creepy this was.

Bsadowski1 (IRL Powerword Brian Sadowski) was a 20-year-old from Chicago, who, like Bongwarrior, spent all day reverting vandalism and smoking pot instead of getting a job. His extreme obsessive compulsive behaviors are what truly distinguish himself from other admins. These include:

Never sleeping, seriously he never gets off.
Stalking edits on non-Wikimedia wikis.
Extreme recent changes patrol on ALL WIKIS (even the ones nobody edits anyway).

He has also been known as a major lolcow, as he attempts to negotiate with long term vandals in every way possible. He has gone as far as to spend days tracking down potential sockpuppets of well known vandals. It should be noted that he has never made any meaningful contributions, rather his account (which has been active since 2004) has done nothing but revert vandalism and fix spelling errors.

	“	<Brian_S> Just fuck off okay?	„
	—Bsadowski1, insulting a troubled editor rather than helping him.

No surprise, he's been doing very little work on WP in recent years. No fun!

Coffee

A snotty little prick since he showed up as a toddler in April 2007, Chet Long joined the Air Force and repeatedly edited Wikipedia while on duty, and got away with it. He tried to become an administrator in June, and was told to fuck right off due to lack of experience. The little fag tried again in 2008 and pulled it off, mostly by sucking Will Boddy's little English crumpet-flavoured cock.

What is there to say? He's a coward and a backstabber, and Wikipedia loves that. Most of his shitting on heads is done sneakily. [2][3][4] Other admins bitch and bitch, yet Chet keeps comin' back like a bad Mexican dinner. 2015 was only 2 mos. old, and he was already being screamed at again. [5]

[6] "Abusive admin, arrogant prick, when cornered resorts to snivelling about PTSD from military active duty; attracts the besotted admiration of Ironholds and the intervention of Jonathan Hochman. In short, exudes the same foul stench as John "Flak Jacket" Palmer (whom Hochman also tried, and failed, to protect, if memory serves). So I wouldn't be surprised if…"

Doug Weller

Doug Weller is an old, creaky, unrepentant Wikipedia administrator/crapmonkey from the UK. He's mainly interested in archaeology and anthropology. Despite not actually having a college degree. Ask any actual qualified archaeologist with a professional interest in the history of the Middle East about Doug. He's been trolling Usenet on the subject for more than 20 years, and left a trail of ruined careers and furious "actual experts" in his wake. (He claims he "dropped out of Yale" as if we were supposed to give him extra credit for failing.) On his user page, Doug tells us "he's number #190 in the list of most active wikipedians". Doug's flaws don't stop there - he's also a bitter old Lefty. Doug doesn't particularly like his own country or culture, and he uses wikipedia to express that attitude. While wikipedia has brought Douglas more 3rd-World friends, he's put a lot of people offside.

Douglas lives in South Normanton, Derbyshire with his wife Helen. Their contact details can be found here.

Dmcdevit

Dmcdevit (now renamed to Dominic, magic word Dominic McDevitt-Parks) is a 22-year-old checkuser, oversighter, and former arbitrator who talks on-wiki in the dully dulcet tones of a 45-year-old hippie burnout transcendental meditation counselor — but schemes behind everyone's back like a fat 8th grade girl with no friends. He is at the center of the recent TOW — genius! — discovery that admins are mean, bored, and conspire to fuck people over on the TOW admin IRC channel. No names were named until… McDevitt failed to cut himself out of an arbcom case involving Irpen, and another admin said: "I saw a sitting arbitrator (User:Dmcdevit) and a few highly respected admins discussing the way to get rid of a productive user (Irpen) via a 'slow administrative process that looked like arbcom to them'."[7] McDevitt is lying low now, hoping it will blow over, and would appreciate your assistance in smearing further shit on his newly shitty reputation, plus as much bad publicity as possible.[8] He also likes to let disputes escalate for the fun of it,[9][10] but the arbcom doesn't sanction their buddies.

One of Dominic's favorite pastimes is oversighting whatever the fuck he wants because, although oversighters are supposed to follow strict policies, this is never done in practice. He also enjoys oversighting personal attacks against Wikipedos and hiding their dox.

He's from Shitsdale, Arizona, and went to Reed College in Portland, Oregon. His little scrawny ass is now plugged deep into Jimbosocket. [11][12]

Ed Poor

"Uncle Ed" is perhaps the best example of a bureaucratic fuck: he does everything by the book. Poor works for ABC and has been quite clear that he does not want people to mention this, as ABC might find out that he is a Wikipedia-editing Moonie. Ed Poor likes to ban people for things like asking for their talk page to be unprotected. He is a disgraced ex-administrator on Wikipedia; however, he still holds sysops on Andy Schlafly's Conservapedia. His main claim to fame during his tenure as a TOW admin and bureaucrat was deleting the VFD page on Wikipedia, and crashing the server for fifteen minutes.

His abuse there got so bad that a true hero, FuelWagon, became a martyr and sacrificed himself to stop Ed Poor. This led to a big session of Arbcom (Wikipedia's e-court, complete with a totalitarian-chic name). Arbcom, of course, decided that they should ban FuelWagon. However, the case drew lots of attention and Ed Poor pretended to step down out of embarrassment (some wrongly think he was desysopped, but it was by choice). However, being a sneak and addict, he never really stepped down, simply continuing with another account. In July 2008, Ed Poor unsuccessfully attempted to regain his adminship powers at TOW.

Ed Poor's magnum opus

Ed Poor upon learning Harry Potter 7 spoilers, "I would NOT have wanted to know any of the points you mentioned before reading Year 7. Bad enough I found out that Snape kills Dumbledore before reading Year 6."

As a Conservapedian, Poor has hit rock bottom on TOW, desysopped as "punishment" and creating stubs so absurdly stupid even his equally stupid peers have to delete them. His work included an article titled "Two Meters", which only said "Two meters is 6 feet, 6 3/4 inches", and a category for "Movies about football coaches with 11-year-old daughters". But his most disturbing editing relates to lewd commentaries about young girls, especially when he discusses specific scenes from movies and, guess what, anime [13]. He had his ass handed to him repeatedly by his fellow Wikipedia "loving and caring" inside gang, for daring to do business with Andy Schlafly.

Elonka

Elonka Dunin is a self-important, hideous hambeast. She uses her admin title to garner her extreme narcissism and false feelings of worth, and is in the "Top 200" editors of Wikipedia. You should be scared of Elonka. Try to imagine your mom on meth and coke, and with "Catholic guilt" thrown on top. And a high-ranking assplayer in Jimbo's Pink Sparkly Dick Factory. If that's not disturbing enough, read on.

She has written an entire Wikipedia bio promoting herself, despite having done nothing notable except to be in some shit mockumentary about secret codes for a couple seconds, and self-publishing some shitty puzzle books. Her wiki page is full of shit no one cares about, from where she took her vacation last Thursday to a list of every distant relative in existence. She also has a useless website detailing all of her minute "accomplishments" here.

She is tagged as a "cryptographer", despite having no formal education. She has no problem comparing herself to others with actual degrees or careers in the field. Nor of writing articles about her psychotic Polish relatives, and her friends like Danah Boyd. [14]

Troll with extreme care, as a whole mass of her disgusting, desperate fanbois will spam threats and lock your userpage.

An extreme feminazi, she will become incredibly offended by using non-gender neutral terms such as "dude" or "those guys". Elonka will blame sexism when her obnoxious, anti-social behavior is discussed by anyone. Despite this, she is repulsed by gays, and is convinced that they are trying to take over the world with their anti-family agenda, starting with her Wikipedia article. (See WJBscribe for examples of her batshit insanity. Boddy sucks her dick on an almost daily basis.).

Despite this terribly warped worldview, Elonka still uses her gender as a crutch and unfairly uses it to advance in life any way she can. She works at a vidya gaem company, where she probably uses her vast and stanky vagina to talk the boss into not firing her for constantly fucking everything up.

To observe her in her natural habitat, simply go to a local convention and watch her get sloppily drunk while wearing a disgustingly short leather miniskirt as she tries to fuck some unfortunate college boys. Note that they are all young enough to be her grandson. Regular attendees have made this into an inside joke, while others look on in sincere pity. For obvious reasons, she is 51 and still single.

Gamaliel

proby got even fatter since this was taken

Oh, the stinking, shit-and-fly encrusted lulz that Rob Gamaliel Fernandez has brought us over the years. The pudgy little gummy-bear-swallowing prick, a loser from the University of South Florida, has been embedded in Wikipedia for so long that his genitals have turned to dust. He showed up in 2004 and started "gnome" work and removing vandalism. And started showing off his massive swollen ego.

“	I wrote the book of love. Really.	„

And few other Wikipedia admins can claim to have been dragged into an arbitration in 2004, before he was even made an admin. [15] It was good for Rob, because he discovered he could shit on right-wing WP editors freely and the others would protect him. Right from the first archive of his talkpage, it was obvious that Rob was there to fuck with people.

Lulzy: in 2005 he fought with various people over John F. Kennedy assassination conspiracies. He took the same line as debunker John McAdams, despite McAdams' right-wing politics. Didn't matter, Rob wanted to destroy people. [16] A LOT of enemies were made for Rob this way. Nothing drives Rob into a faggy frenzy like conspiracies, right-wing dicksnots like Michael Savage, or talk about the Skull And Bones club.
Lulzy: also in 2005, he supported shrieking ultra-cunt SlimVirgin and tinyfuck Chip Berlet in disputes over Lyndon LaRouche, Fletcher Prouty[17], and various other people Fatty Buttplug Berlet didn't like. You can thank/blame Rob for some of the bullshit Wikipedia did to Daniel Brandt over the years, since Berlet has special venom for Brandt.
Lulzy: despite being a law-and-order liberal science nerd, Gamaliel is the primary supporter of Wikipedia editor/crackpot Scott Goethean Zimmerle in a long list of disputes. Zimmerle is obsessed, hell he's in love, with one of the most pathetically lame American "mystics" of all time, whiny old hippie Ken Wilber. Insert anything of a negative nature into a Wilber-related article, and Goethean will instantly revert it, followed by Gamaliel blocking your account and disabling your ability to complain. No matter how well-sourced your information is, it is NOT ALLOWED to point out the weaknesses of Ken Wilber on Wikipedia. Nice to have a slave clitoris on your side, isn't it Scott? Give it a kiss.
Lulzy: Rob ran for Arbcom in 2013, and lost by just a hair. Because people don't like him.
Extra lulz: when a Wikipedia article was created about ED's Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 game, it was quickly put up for deletion. Rob showed up and said:

“	"Keep due to news coverage and inherent situational hilarity. Gamaliel (talk) 23:58, 16 February 2015 (UTC)"	„

Juliancolton

Juliancolton (RL Julian Colton Diamond) is the little man-boy who sucks everyone's dick. Showed up at age 12, and was showed off as a "mature Wikipediot", then needed three tries to become an admin. At 17 he blocked a TOW admin. He currently lives in New York and attends Millbrook High School after being homeschooled by his parents. Hurricanes and military history (and deleting things) make him all moist inside. Otherwise, nobody home; he's an empty suit.

Raul654

Raul654 (powerword Mark Pellegrini) is the fellow who gave himself a 3-year term as head of the Wikipedia arbitration committee, despite being supported by less than half of editors;—even Jimbo himself has acknowledged, "Raul is a bit uptight". Raul654 is often referred to jovially as 'Fat Mark'. This is because he is overweight and his name is Mark. In fact, those who know him in real life say he's a really, really fat fuck.

	“	He's really, really overweight. Like 140 pounds of excess flub, sources have told me. Imagine devouring ten bowling balls and not ever passing them out of your system. Just carrying those ten bowling balls around with you, every single day of your life. Really, think about that. It's actually astounding that he's not even more angry and haphazard with his personal attacks onGregory Kohs at the Wikipedia Review, not realizing he's not one to be talking about being a loser.	„

You can thank Fatty Raul for the gift that keeps on giving, Ryulong. Despite a marginal positive vote in Jewranger's RFA, Raul closed it and said "You're in". Many animal dicks were sucked that night. And he was on Arbcom from 2004 until 2007, apparently at the insistence of Jimbo.

According to Raul's Laws of Wikipedia:

Wikipedia has a disproportionately large number of gays, transgendered, and furries. The reason for this has yet to be satisfactorily explained, although it has been suggested by NullC that "all new mediums are first explored by the minorities and the marginalized". -- Raul's 8th law

(EDitor's note: Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of history would realize that "Raul's 8th law" is complete and utter bullshit. Like everything Raul has ever said.)

Raul has displayed a disturbing predilection for Pokémon, frequently promoting their articles to featured status and presenting them on the main page. Sick. Plus, he controlled the "Featured Article" system for at least five years, and no one said a word about it. Even in 2012, long after he lost interest in the "job", an attempt to remove him flopped like Azn dick. He was the Hitler of featured articles. The incredibly fat Hitler. [18] And a hypocrite. [19][20]

Raul blocked AT&T Worldnet for the entire state of Michigan from editing for a year! [21] He claimed it was to stop Jon Awbrey, like he's a big threat, though Raul and others have also done similar stuff to Blu Aardvark's IP ranges. Ryulong has done shit like that, too.

Raul has also blocked an entire ISP in the UK because of one user. And many people have complained to him but the only response he gives is that it won't affect people with login accounts, ignoring the fact that this block stops anyone using this ISP from making an account. One of his fave responses to anyone asking for help: Request denied.

Like many dullards before him who will never experience real humor, Raul has taken up a love of lolcats. He has a sock puppet account called “Ceiling Cat,” and taking a look at the faggotry on that account’s talk page is enough to make any reasonable person cringe. He also ran a large collection of socks of various colors and shapes, most of which were mysteriously deleted and purged from the WP database.

A fitting punishment for his many crimes would be to live in a place where having a Dynamic IP is the norm so he can know what it feels like to be at school and being kept behind because one person did something wrong, except in this case the class would be over 1000 people. A total horsecock wrote this paragraph.

In recent days, Raul has been extremely everted-in-rectum after being trolled by Jack Merridew and his cockpuppets. Even the Arbitration Committee is sick of Raul's fat ass.

Since Markblob was supposed to be "pursuing a PhD" at the University of Delaware, it is suspected that he ate the school cafeteria into bankruptcy, and they forced him to "graduate". He's been real scarce since 2012. Oops, no PhD. Thanks, Jimbo!

Uncle G

Uncle G, aka "Lucky 6.9", aka "PMDrive1061", aka Ralph Squillace, is a Wikipedia administrator who has been around for a fucking long time. He is notable because even though he is an administrator, he has no user page, in fact refuses to create one. This pissed off a bunch of people when he nominated himself for consideration as administrator, resulting in great lulz in the voting process. He spent months sucking up to Jimbo Wales, and still screwed up.

From his first failed RFA:

VERY strongly oppose. Clearly Uncle G doesn't accept community consensus, because he still refuses to create a userpage. To us, the arrogance of not listening to the community is worse than not having a userpage. And, in turn, it's not the lack of a userpage that bothers me as much as the red link and its implications on Recent Changes, votes, polls, and other such things. It's disruptive and it wastes everyone's time. We're here to build an encylopedia and be part of a wiki community, not to make an ideological point. If Uncle G simply redirects his userpage to his user talk page, then I would support.

Oppose. It's fine for editors to contribute without a user page, but it's not fine for admins. It rather seems like a policeman or any other official insisting on performing the job without wearing a uniform to identify himself properly. Uncle G needs neither user page nor adminship to continue his great work.

A butthurt Uncle G bleated in response that "it is a false inference that anonymity implies bad faith, on the grounds that anonymous users make thousands of good faith edits to Wikipedia every day." Considering the hilarious anonymous vandalism that Uncle G's userpage has gotten, this was an extremely lulzy comment.[22][23] [24][25]

Unkle's first administrator nomination resulted in a stalemate because the vote-counters couldn't make up their virgin minds, resulting in a second vote, which Unkle won, Florida-style.[26]

Exact quote: "He's a fucking idiot who obsesses over the stupidest things, refuses to admit he makes mistakes, harasses everyone who disagrees with him, and contributes absolutely nothing of value to Wikipedia."

Græt lulz-generating drama later resulted when Uncle G unilaterally handed down from Jew, amid thunder and lightning, a manifesto on notability.[27] Uncle G claims that in order to be notable, something must be "non-trivial", a truly lulzy statement considering that 99% of Wikipedia is crap about video games, pedophilia, anime, and sex positions.

Unkle's pronouncement was promptly listed by some troll for deletion, who then suddenly realized that a user-page essay was not the usual Wikicrap to be mercilessly deleted. [28]

Trolls cruelly struck a second time, putting Unkle up on Requests for comment [29] because of that annoying userpage thing. This time, the troll was the one who got butthurt. He also loves to disappear famous people who edit their own WP bios. [30]

External Links

Archive of Brandt's original 2005 "Hivemind" list
Archive of Brandt's last "Hivemind", 2010
Archive of 2007 "Hivemind"
The ED talk page wherein lies our run-in with Mikka — sadly, no longer in existence.-->
A Vee-Ef-Dee edit where he proudly proclaims himself a "bureaucratic fuck."
They talk about this shit all the time on Wikipediocracy.

Bureaucratic Fuck is part of a series on

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Bureaucratic Fuck

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The admins

Magical Hall Of Fame

Bureaucratic fucks? In my ED?