Doki Doki Literature Club

DDLC: Not even once

Doki Doki Literature Club (Alternative titles: Most Overrated Game of 2017, Not A Game: The Game, and "I'm Not Scared, You Are!") is a brand new amazing visual novel dating sim created by Dan Salvato that attempts to lure unsuspecting gamers into playing a cute anime visual novel, but surprising them with suicide and "horror." Typical edgelord bait-and-switch writing.

Although it is frequently called a "game," it is not a fucking game. The majority of the time spent "playing" DDLC is either used clicking "next" or skipping if you want to get through its Encyclopædia Britannica worth of dialogue, and if you think that should be considered as playing a game, you should play the game of reading an actual fucking book. Even after all of that, the rest of the garbage is clicking random words to complete a poem because, just in case you forgot, you are playing a fag in a literature club. Between this and watching paint dry, it's better to just drink bleach.

Plot

Plot summary

Like all visual novels. There is no plot.

DDLC focuses on the Protaganist going to a school, and because of his boner, joining a new club full of half-heartedly-designed hentai girls. Like every single other visual novel, you play as a guy who, in the real world, would have killed himself yesterday, but because this is not real, you get a harem of girls after your nano-sized cock.

Here is an easy to learn guide in case you have terminal cancer and is wondering how to spent the last six hours of your life as uneventfully as humanly possible.

1.) Pick anyone:

• They become an hero

2.) Pick Monika:

• Happy ending

It is also straight up pointless to get to the ending after wading through the shit because if you were stupid enough to think you could at least fuck their dead bodies at the end, you are in for a revelation for just how much time you have wasted.

Obvious ripoff is obvious

"Characters"

What characters?

Because Salvato is a creativity deprived hack, he only created four pieces of cardboard cut-outs for this "game". They are all uninteresting cardboard cut-outs ripped straight off from other pieces of media, and those that aren't are cliche anime tropes that have been done to death several times over. Similar to other garbage like other games of the same popularity, fans of DDLC will say all the characters in this game are deep and thoughtful, but people who are not insane and have some semblance of any kind of basic human reasoning abilities can clearly see through this cheap cop-out.

Monika

Very generic and basic "Perfect girl" that turns out to be the cause of this entire train-wreck of a "Game". Being a sentient AI because of course she is, she tries to modify the game to blah blah blah she really wants to fuck you. Not the main character, no, You. The guro obsessed brony weaboo you are. You sick fuck.

Natsuki

Unfathomably annoying, Jailbait, and also the victim of Child Abuse. Is also an Obvious trap. And is the only character to die that doesn't become An Hero, instead being deleted. A decidedly un-lulzy way to die.

Sayori

The generic character trope of "I'm happy with no cares in the world!" That turns out actually being very depressed their entire life. Later revealed to have been caused by Monika, but that still doesn't excuse this generic piece of shit. Somehow more annoying than Natsuki. First to become An hero And also does so regardless of choice, further enforcing how much this "Game" isn't a game. Her suicide is the first of many "Spooky-ookies", A good name for this game's half-assed attempts to jumpscare you.

Yuri

Masochistic emo whore who has a fetish for knives and cutting. Most popular among gurofags and 12-year-old boys because of her big tits which conveniently mask her complete lack of character or any type of personality besides being eye candy for the weebs that play the game. Becomes obsessed with you later in the "game". Leading to many lulzy attempts to spook you with her unrealistic obsession over your weaboo tumor of a fucking face.

Protagonist

Generic faceless blank slate for the player to project on. Or that would be the case if the protagonist wasn't their own character that you get to watch and sometimes influence the decisions of. A Weaboo, and somehow Has eveyone wanting to suck his micro penis. He seems to try to help everyone while remaining oblivious to anything happening unless it's stated in front of him. Probably has a bigger dick then yours. Somehow has everyone wanting his goddamned cock. Unrealistic Expectations.

Scares

This "game's" idea of horror is "Unsettling" Atmosphere (Static overlay, a heartbeat, maybe some backwards music. the general shitty atmosphere of terrible horror games), Jumpscares With spooky faces and "scary" corrupted imagery, and also just random shit like red vision or character's eyes popping out of their sockets in a hilarious display of absurd horror, not unlike Goosebumps, which is far scarier and hilarious then this insult to ANY other horror game, good or bad.

Project Autism? (Libitina)

According to several edgy Reddit and YouTube users last Thursday, the entire purpose of this pile of shit is but a bait for the upcoming game coming from Team Salvato's anus. To find out the game's secrets, people such as Mithost and Warchamp7 used their autism magic. Turns out the character file for each of the four characters DOES have secrets, which include:

• A shitty fanfic written by Team Salvato's director.
• One crappy image that requires Photoshop to turn it into a white girl.
• Another crappy image which turns out to be a dumb teaser written by Monika for the new game.
• A crappy edgy poem written by Yuri saying something about having the third eye opened somewhere on her body.

It's truly amazing how Team Salvato made these people wasted their life to do something this pointless.

(Over)reactions to DDLC

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Gallery

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See also

• ProJared - Who actually ranked this shit above games such as Super Mario Odyssey and Sonic Mania in his 'best games of 2017' video because he is a faggot who thinks his opinion is special.
• Yandere Simulator - Edgy garbage game like this one as well except it's actually a game.

External links

• Game on Steam
•  Dan Salvato's Twitter
•  Monika's Twitter
• DDLC Subreddit

Doki Doki Literature Club is part of a series on Anime Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

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Featured article January 17 & 18, 2018
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