Grunge

GRUNGE IS DEAD

Created in the '80s by fucktards with flannel t-shirts that didn't like to take baths, grunge was sucked mainly out of the heroin ridden music scene of Seattle. the music was a combination of Punk, Metal, and Alternative music, most of which was sappy and corny at the time. The typical band was signed mainly from the chances that one member would become an hero by injecting himself with large quantities of drugs or shotgun mouthwash, so that the music moguls could bank a few extra albums after the subsequent neverending media coverage. This eventually became truth, since Kurt Cobain's suicide brought a spike in album sales shortly after his rotting corpse was found and long after people stopped giving a shit about his music.

The fad eventually was replaced by late 90's college rock derivatives such as Creed, Blues Traveler, Green Day, Dave Matthews Band, and Nickelback and eventually grandfathered emo, another shitty punk movement playing on teen angst from a new generation.

Grunge Bands

<video type="youtube" id="pfsnDwaZQRw" width="300" height="200" desc="Typical grunge song (Interesting Fact: This song is the anthem of Israel; Note how obviously they ask for it!) " frame="true" position="right"/>

Nirvana

Nirvana - Comprised of Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl, and a few other interchangeable failures nobody cares about. Nirvana spearheaded the grunge movement by releasing one half-ass album, Bleach, followed by that album with a baby penis on the cover. They were well-known for screaming the plagiarized "generation defining" song Smells Like Teen Spirit (which was actually named after a deodorant brand which Kurt Cobain mistook for a revolutionary statement, of course he didn't know what deodorant was), smashing their guitars over stadium equipment at the end of concerts, making mtv shit bricks and having a lead singer who blew his fucking head off.

Pearl Jam

Pearl Jam - This turd floated to the top of the musical punch bowl after a video depicting a boy shooting all of his classmates was aired continuously for three straight months on MTV. Since they did not have a member who ended up injecting himself with Drano like the rest of the bands, they are still together today, releasing albums with increasingly political messages. Their biggest hit was actually their cover "Last Kiss," a song of win due to depicting teen lovers crashing and dying in a fire. Lucky enough for the world these cocksuckers now do commercials for target, you cant get more alternative than that.

Alice In Chains

Alice in Chains - These faggots made their living singing about the joys of heroin. Although singer Layne Staley enjoyed the treat of dying alone and not having his corpse found until someone noticed that he was missing TWO WEEKS after he died, guitarist Jerry Cantrell continues to make solo albums made of win and awesome. This band recently reformed with a negro singer, and can be found playing to massive crowds comprised of dozens of old grunge fans.

Soundgarden

Soundgarden - Soundgarden enjoyed the privilege of having a screeching lead singer who ruined otherwise decent lyrics and songs. After failing to stick together, Chris Cornell ended up attempting to duck his shitty past by fronting Audioslave and make a soundtrack for James Bond, while the other members likely shot themselves out of sheer embarrassment. Their biggest hit, Black Hole Sun, has a video depicting a young girl with melted vanilla ice cream flowing suggestively from her mouth, while a man feeds a pet sheep and a crazy housewife smiles and chops shit. In short, its a pretty fucked up video.

L7

An all girl grunge band ohboyohboyohboy! With voices mimicking undead banshees and a vocalist that looks like Michael Bolton, people are advised to stay the fuck away since their singing can cause cerebral palsy. They have songs detailing PMSes, pregnancy, periods, crotch-kicking and wargasms. Their dressing style has shown, earlier in the 90s, that plaid was never cool.

Stone Temple Pilots

Stone Temple Pilots - Moar like Stone Temple Toilets, amirite?

Post-Grunge

Post-Grunge is basically Grunge, but with what vanishingly little creativity it ever had sucked out of it to make it better for shitty alternative radio. While people can at least give credit to Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Alice in Chains all selling different kinds of shit, all Post-Grunge bands sound exactly the same as each other. Of course, since the general public are morons and have absolutely pitiful comfort zones, your average idiot laps up Post-Grunge by the bucket.

Notable Post-Grunge bands include:

• Foo Fighters - A band of faggots led by a drummer who thinks he can play guitar. It is a universally known fact that the only reason the band has any success is because Dave Grohl used to give unsimulated fellatio to Kurt Cobain before he painted his living room red.
• Creed - Group of Christfags that sing about "seeing visions of the cross" but claim OMG, THEY'RE NOT CHRISTIAN ROCK! Not like it matters since despite this faggotry, they still have one of the only two number one hits that grunge ever got.
• Alanis Morisette - Everybody's psycho ex-girlfriend... even though you're a sad fuck that no self-respecting woman would ever interact with, she's still your psycho ex-girlfriend. Notable for making a song called "Ironic" that HOLY SHIT... isn't ironic at all. For her role in making the world an even unfunnier place by inspiring hipsters to declare everything as "ironic" and "witty" people to point out that she doesn't understand irony, she deserves an IRL death sentence.
• Nickelback - You don't really need Encyclopedia Dramatica to tell you that Nickelback is shit, do you? Jesus Christ, you must be living under a rock.
• Kr0n - A suckish Rage Against The Machine rip-off band known for playing guitars and basses with over 9000 strings.
• Limp Bizkit - The Worst Band of All Time; known for containing the biggest pussy, whiteboy, asshole, scumbag in the history of the world other than NephilimFree: Fred Durst

Trolling Old Grunge Fans

Fans of the movement still somehow exist today, and are typically found sitting in a circlejerk on numerous forums about their favorite bands from fifteen years ago. Making the following suggestions to these sensitive people is guaranteed to produce a srys reaction full of anger, drama, and victory:

• Claim that emo is the rightful heir to grunge faggotry. Old fans deny that the fail of emo is in any way like their own generic music, even though tons of scene kids wear Kurt Cobain shirts in recognition that "Kurt is the pained grandfather of their movement".

• State the fact that the popularity of grunge was due uniquely to corporate faggotry and neverending MTV video replays.

• Say that Kurt Cobain killed himself, since many fans still think that Courtney Love hired somebody to do it and made the scene look like suicide, which, incidentally wouldn't have been a hard task as any decently armed five year old could have MURDERED that pussy without a struggle.

• Point out that forum threads from members asking for Eddie Vedder to pat their pregnant belly are insane, and that people who collect shitloads of cruddy audience recordings of decades-old concerts are fucking creepy.

• Ask them if they are Familiar with Madchester, the British form of grunge.

• Tell them that Tad Doyle is fat and should be killed because of this.

• Ask them why Kurt Cobain is still doing funny car insurance commercials with Dave Grohl

• Mention Bee-Girl.

• Mention the former guitarist of Screaming Trees is a scientologist.

• Accuse Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" video of prompting the Columbine and VTECH shootings.

• Tell about how fun you think it is that Chris Cornell became Rage Against the Machine's new lead singer.

• Tell them "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is a rip off of Boston's "More Than a Feeling" and that "Come As You Are" is a rip off of Killing Joke's "Eighties".

• Talking about Post-Grunge in general will piss them off, but for added lulz, be sure to mention that only Creed's "With Arms Wide Open" and Nickelback's "How You Remind Me" got to number 1 while all the sacred "real grunge" bands never cracked that position ("Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam almost did, but they only covered it and it's a power ballad).

• Direct them to this article.

Internet Fanboi Shitholes

PEARL JAM MESSAGE PIT - WARNING: Full of batshit insane and extremely old Pearl Jam fans.

Was Kurt Murdered? YOU DECIDE - Formed by the dense, money-grubbing "investigator" Tom Grant. Troll the forums here out of fucking existence.

Alice in Chains - Go claim that Godsmack is better, and point out your hatred of niggers who try to sing white music. Get banned.

Gallery

• 
  Typical grunge fans.
• 
  I'D HIT IT.
• 
  Chris Cornell, guido.
• 
  Kurt Cobain, dead.
• 
  Blind Melon lead singer Shannon Hoon.
• 
  Be sure to wear your sunglasses indoors so that your obvious heroin addiction is obvious.
• 
  BURN, BURN, BURN! BURN YOUR WICKED GARDEN TO THE GROUND!
• 
  Maynard James Keenan is doing grunge wrong.

Examples

Typical The only grunge song a decent human can tolerate.

See Also

• Kurt Cobain
• Music
• Cthulhu
• An Hero

Links

Why Kurt Cobain Killed Himself

• Which one has more Faggotry, Grunge or Emo? Cracked Weighs in.

Grunge is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.