AQ Worlds

AQ Worlds is going to be fixed up later... So stay tuned!

	“	We care very much about our player's money.	„
	— Artix

Adventure Quest Worlds is a generically-titled American MMORPG with the sole purpose of sucking away your younger sibling's life, money and soul.

OFFICE MAX

It was a dark and stormy night in the secret underground facility and the AE team made up of evil jews. "I have one of the greatest money grubbing idea's jewkind has had since banks!" Announced Artix to his legion of scam artists. "We'll pose as a free flash MMORPG and lure in all the poor kids who can't afford World of Warcraft. Than we'll suck away the few dollars they have!" and at the moment of agreement amongst the Jewish community, AQWorlds was born.

AQWorlds is irreplaceable amongst the gaming community, and is played by over four people. AQW is also a crowd space for many scene kids, skater kids, trolls and pedobear. These are actual kids, so destroy them before they can evolve into their teenager form. The game has a very special kind of humor, much like an adult or FBI agent trying to relate to 4channers.

	“	Coming next week!	„
	— Artix

Despite the fact that it's totally flash based they manage to lag your four thousand dollar PC more than Crysis just by adding a handful of pets into the game. AQworlds also shows the most advanced security system on the internet, which is made up of schoolyard tactics of bluffing in the design notes, which is also full of shameless self advertisement on pretty much every site you can think of.

Story

File:Handcock1.png

"I get so much pussy now!"

The game follows a story of an epic battle between your player and the forces of chaos, which is ironically named considering its 100% predictable. Every Friday they release the same exact thing over and over again, and is almost beating Final Fantasy in the field of repetition.
You get news of new Chaos Lords and have to fight thousands of easy creatures before you have to fight an animal or myth themed mini-boss and finally the Chaos Lord.
Next friday you either get filler, despite the fact Artix said he wants to finish the main storyline as soon as possible, or you get the same thing repeated.
The only benefit to this is you get some pretty nice looking stuff, but then you realize it doesn't do anything and is just there for dress-up purposes. Infact, pretty much all weapons and classes are exactly the same, meaning that this game is pretty much Stardoll with combat. Every now and then the staff like to put a twist on things and release on Thursday instead of Friday, or Saturday instead of Friday if they get extra lazy! Wow!

"So pro!"

Special Events

On top of the 3rd-grader-style inspired story line written by the office's college slut Beleen with her big tits, the also have special events and releases used as an excuse for players to pay even more money for rip-off Adventure Coin items they don't need on top of the money wasted on membership! Apart from AE being a bunch of gold grabbing cheapskates, the reason for the constant plague of Adventure Coin items is due to only about 1% of the player-base paying for upgrades. The other part being a whopping 99% are completely non member and don't ever pay for a thing! Smart right? So since if the Brazilians and the Chillins can't get a job/beg their parents to pay AE, Lord Cysero takes it out on those who can pay by slowly turning them into rare hunters and mind washing them into buying AC item after AC item in order to support the strain those silly non members put on the AQ World's already crippled band-with. To add some perspective, think of it running not too differently from a one-legged donkey pulling a cart of iron bricks.

The "special events" largely consist of Cysero sending Beleen to cock suck mediocre musical talents to convince and pay them the sum of a price for a large pizza so that they agree to guest star in the shitty game. However, when they cannot find a mediocre musical talent to cock suck/bribe, they resort to the only thing they do best which is re-releasing last years holiday event shops. Resouceful!!! Most of these events including the re-used ones come with a special vag-badge to show that you were one of the dumb fucks who actually played through the shit fest of fail and wasted at least 15 minutes of your pathetic life.

Some of these magically queer events are!:

The Musical:

• Voltaire! Too cool to turn down yet another one Beleen's sloppy wet blow jobs!

• One Eyed Doll and the bat-shit insane lead singer Kimberly!

• Johnathan Coultrane (who actually didn't do shit except flip Cysero off at the last minute!)

• Ayi Jihu! A fugly escaped Chinese prostitute who is constantly being chased by the fear of being captured by communists and taken back for rape and beatings!

The Talentless:

• George Lowe! The one and only decrepit old man who voiced Space Ghost! After being given a blumpkin at an unnamed con, he agreed to do one of AQ World's countless Friday the 13th events! His whereabouts are currently unknown but is thought to be chained up naked in AE's basement, kept alive off stale crackers and water only so that he can continue to voice every last one of the companies god awful commercials! I bet he wishes he turned down that blow job and skinny Indie Company Pay Check!

• Paul and Storm!: Do you know who the fuck these dangle berries are? That's right, you don't. Because nobody does. Kidnapped and forced to do AQ World's second upholder birthday bash these completely unmemorable gays reflect the AQW Spirit.

• CTRL+ALT+DEL!: A bunch of totally stuck up pricks due to their psuedo-popularity with their dictator leader Simon trying to over compensate for his 3inch penis. Cysero had to fap off Simon and Tim personally in order to get them to "do" a crappy 15-minute event. They make comedically challenged comics nobody reads but if you try really hard, you might be able to laugh at how poor and nerdy the humor is!

The Yearly Holidays!:

As mentioned before AQ Worlds thrives off of re-use. As mentioned before they thrive off of re-use at AQ Worlds. In AQ Worlds they re-use a lot of things (I.E Beleen). In AQ Worlds a lot of things are re-used but tweaked to almost look different! AQ Worlds re-uses nearly everything for each release. Adventure Quest Worlds has things from previous releases in almost every release! AQ Worlds re-uses things by simply copying and pasting art! In AQW, non re-used things come a long once every few months! In AQ Worlds that's what they do best, re-use! This method of re-use has been used since AQ World's beginning days to minimalize the already non-existent work load that doesn't start getting done until 5min before release time!

• Mogloween!
• Thanks-for-giving-us your AC's giving!
• Frostvale where you pay AC's for your gifts!
• Chinkese New Year!
• New Years!
• Hero's Heart Day!
• April Fool you into thinking we care day!
• False Freedom Day!
• Modfag Birthdays!
• Staffag Weddings!
• Any real life happenings that they can use as an excuse for more AC items!

Talk Like an Black Naval Commander Day!:

• This deserves its own section

One day Captain Rhubarb had a few too many bottles of gin, vodka, rum, absinthe, beer and dog urine to drink while at work, thus was inspired to go on a drunken rampage around the lab. It was said he raped each of the female workers twice, threw thirty swivel chairs through the windows onto the street, jizzed on Cysero's monitor four times, urinated on the rug and fake plants whereafter he finally smashed down his fists on his keyboard until every single account made during the Alpha period of AQ Worlds was deleted. After Rhubarb woke up from this drunken spectacle (though common in Irish workplaces) he realized that what he had done was a major no-no and Artix was disappoint! He sought to make amends with the confused and accountless and bawwing players who had spent so much time and money farming to level 10 during Alpha! Rhubarb decided to give these players rogue class with a black pirate coat on it! The faggots loved it! But all was still not well in the lab. Cysero and Artix realized that Rhubarb had given this class out for FREE, and while sober to boot!! That definitely wouldn't do, they had planned to charge players a year of membership in order to get their accounts back. So they schemed, plotted and raged in the Jew-Cave until eventually, Talk Like a Black Naval Commander was born! "Talk Like A Black Naval Commander, have you ever seen dem kewl kids with dat coon skin pirate coat? Now you can haz tu!"

Every September from that point on, an expensive Adventure Coin shop was to be released selling a re-colored versions of the Alpha-Faggots precious Class with a slew of other piratey drunkard inspired items! This bred feelings of jealousy among the Black Naval Commander owners. "These noobs did not spend an entire 30minutes farming to level 10 like we did only to have our progress deleted! They could not understand why to their shock and awe, these strange people walked around with red and green armors similar to their own. The next year the even gayer Icy Naval Commander was released and the red and green naval commanders began to have conniptions too! And so the hierarchy of naval faggots was born.

Black Naval Commanders look down on dem -> Red and Green Naval Commanders look down on dem -> Blue Naval Commanders look down on -> Non second upholders

Classes

Mage/Sorcerer: Holy fucking shit guise I how original is this thing? Liek I never seen it in MMO before. Ridiculously overpowered and will ass-fuck everything by pressing two buttons.

Warrior/Warlord: The ever unoriginal class newfags pick. Also overpowered as fuck and will rape everything in sight if used right.

Rogue/Renegade: Dodgefag ninja.

Ninja/Assassin: See above.

Healer/Acolyte: Christfag that heals shit. Durr.

Dragonslayer: A slightly shittier Warrior that works on Scalefags.

(Beta)Berserker: Some overpowered shit that you have to pay Jew for. There's a free one but you need to be a gay oldfag to get it.

DoomKnight: Expensive and underpowered WoW rip you have to pay Jew for.

Paladin: A fucked up aberration that happened when Artix fucked his dad]. The class got fisted by the moderator Furore who bawwed when it raped him in a fight.

Rustbucket: Moar liek cumbucket amirite? Broken and more useless than a woman out of the kitchen/bed. COMES WITH TWO OTHER CLONES (Enforcer and ProtoSartorium) HOW COOL!

ClawSuit: A fat fuck nigger Santa that shoves it's chode in little girls. Removed from the game because of bawwing players.

Leprechaun: Drunk-ass Irish cunt version of Rogue/Renegade.

Bard: Some laggy underpowered shit that the creators threw together as an excuse for a release.

Shaman: Overpowered and overused, Shaman class bent over any sort of balance in the game and fucked it harder than a nigger in a room full of 12 year old girls.

(Ass)Pirate/Alpha Pirate: Rogue with moar gay in it. See Leo.

Guardian: Some weak-ass shit that nobody uses.

Dragonlord: FUCK YOU, I'M A DRAGON!

Starlord: An overpowered dodgefag that lags.

Witch: Healer with tits.

Chronomancer: An overpriced class for Jew's who spent money on a fucking hentai calender full of Beleen's tits.

CardClasher: A shitty Yu-gi-oh with pic's of Beleen's tit's on each card. Fap.

Shaman: A gay class that's soul purpose is to suck dick on the battlefield.

Necromancer Was okay in their PTR. Now it's main use is to summon dildo-pets for personal usage.

Ranger Requires butt-hurt rank 10 to get, pointless to rank up since it only has like one good move, only OP's and faggots (like they're not the same thing, amirite) use this.

Famous People

• User: An emo suicidal British cock sucker who was once one of Elnaith's garbage men of the GD (Arch Knights Fags) before he hung himself from his .5 inch dick and non existent balls in his closet for being such a loser and queer.
• Hancok: No-life sandnigger who spend his time dating girls online and paying for the same thing over and over. He gets "hacked" every few months, deleting all his items and crying to the fags on the game's forum. Hancok also loves to talk about his "stalkers" which are probably people he begged to "stalk" him.
• Veonyx: A very mature and enlightened young man who feels he knows the truth about AQ Worlds, and everything else in existence. He is a no life smart-ass cracker who thinks he's the hottest shit, but really is a piece of shit stuck to the pubic hairs of a monkey's ass.
• Brittanyy: A two-faced cyberdater bitch who sucks mod dick really hard for personal favors. She claims to be "16" and lives in "Toronto, Canada". She's an ugly brace-faced bitch who online fucked about 12 nerds to get them to stand up for her in arguments.
• Falconblaze: Some faggot who thinks he can hack and blow up computers and shit. A furfag who cyberdates and probably cries when he masturbates to small furry animals. Telling him he can't hack will make him shit bricks and rage at you.
• Picosa/Wept: Some random bitch who snitched on a bunch of people to get an item from the corrupt mod faggots. However she has huge tits which we all want to feel so she's kinda cool, she also has been whored out to over 50 AQW "men" in short lived relationships.
• Baelius: A common pea brained troll who would probably lol until he pissed himself at the simple minded humor of this site. Mainly because it mirrors his manners and maturity just like a shit-flinging ape in a zoo.
• Reed91/Adam Scott: A Couple Furfags that originated from Reed91 to his Doppleganger Adam Scott, Adam Scott is actually a Pro Golfer. So much for Originality. They are Awesome, they both venture through The Internet like it's Nothing.
• B4mb4m: The Moglin defender molester of AQ Worlds. Also a fail-troll affiliated with other fuck-heads on this game. He only speaks to people who are founders and gay-1 regs, so don't bother saying hi or he'll ignore you unless you have a negro pirate for him to masturbate to.
• Stealthy Cupcake: At an impressive ten times gayer then b4mb4m, stealthy enjoys playing AQW, pretending he has friends out of his 600+ twitter followers, pretending he has a life, and pretending he is a founder, when in fact he's just a second chumpholder with a icy naval commander and a faggoty J6 Birthday hat which he is NEVER seen without for fear of someone seeing his fugly ass pixelated face, stealthy thinks he is one cool bro, but in reality his name is among the dumbest pieces of shit ever thought up and he is a chode sucking choob.
• Indestructable/"Messiah": Known as "the messiah" of this shitty game, this guy's soul purpose is to post abandon thread jpegs on their shitty Forums. He also befriends the people on this list for "teh lulz". He is just some faggot irl.
• Cicero/"Gingy": Some ginger-haired fuck that believes he's on top of the world because he stands in the same spot of the same room bitching and complaining at other fagots all day everyday.
• Jason3: Some worthless troll-wannabe that you see AFK in the same spot trying* to be cool when you log in on the member server. He's also stated to be married to like 4 other male 40-year old players in-game.
• Techno: A retard, in short. He tries to troll as he claims to be the god of PvP (which he is only number 100/100, Wowees!) When most people beat him like 3 times in a row in-which he claims them to be using "Level 100 enhancements" when the games level cap is fourty, in general, he is a faggot in general, his brother is cooler than him and he barely plays the game in general, he thinks he is all that when really he is just some suicidal dork that needs friends but whenever he gets friends, he gets them banned or they begin to hate him because he loses in PvP against them.
• Razgriz/"Iyerris": A gay AK who spends half his whole time pretending to have sex with his shitty swords. The rest of the time he spends jacking off while begging the staff to add more shitty swords. Often can be seen socializing with foot licking gaytards and 40-year old guys pretending to be girls.
• Carnax3222: A fucking arrogant bitch,whos online either wasted or high who brags about all the chicks hes bangged and hopes to bang in real life.
• Mytho: An alcoholic Dane who constantly chases them pixelated wimminz.
• Aleks Real Warrior: A quest loading Miltonius whore who enjoys taking big black nigger cock up his ass so much he decided to constantly wear his quest loaded nigger void everyday to show his love for penis and joy of raping Miltonius Items, although he sometimes uses them as anal dildos to stretch his spent asshole out.
• Zilford The Legend: A legendary man-whore, creeper and rapist who has deluded himself into believing he has in fact, gotten laid in life with something other than his dog.

== The Staff: ==

• Cysero: Where to begin, Cysero LOVES his money and will do anything to get his queer hands on it,from releasing pricy Adventure Coin item's each week and jacking off to the Limited Quantity Shops as they drop in item stock, Cysero tries to do everything he can to put a price tag on each release. He has little to no concern about the quality of the game and when Lolicon artist Miltonius (now known as Nulgath a big fucktard anal probing bug alien) made a zone better than his beloved tree house, he had it destroyed and thrown to the non members. He also enjoys masturbating with his left tube sock.

• Artix Krieger: The monster behind this jewish program used to harvest the minds, souls, and pockets of young children and Brazilians of all ages quite similar to the late Walt Disney. Once every year Fartix checks back in on how AQ Worlds is doing after he finishes counting his money, fucking prostitutes and OED's Kimberly in his Doomknight room (built entirely off of players cash) only to find that to his dissapointment, Cysero has not released enough overpriced AC items this year to fatten up his wallet (to make more doomknight rooms and pay more prostitutes when Beleen isn't available). Thus, Cysero is beaten in front of the rest of his staff (slaves) and in order to make a further example, promptly made to give Lord Fartix a hot blowjob. In order to boost profits and make himself smile with contentment knowing money is being made on that one day he checks back in, Artix devised the upholder system so that every year when he glimpses at AQ World's homepage, he feel at ease to see the nitwits scrambling to upgrade and buy AC's so that they too can have a gaylord boyscout badge and feel a little more like Indestructable...by about 40th upholder.

• Beleen: A slut everyone thinks is hot despite her piercings and creepy ass smile, but she has big boobs that everyone wants to feel, so she too is okay.
• Zhoom: A nerdy sand nigger who apparently can't count, program or do his job due to the cock loads of lag in AQ Worlds
• Miltonius: A half chink hentai artist hired by Artix after he masturbated to the rape scene in Akumi, Miltonius is now known by the Alias "Nulgath" due to people finding out about his previous career as a lolicon/hentai maker and Artix didn't want all the 13 year old boys on AQW to steal all his favorite anime porn vids and and felt only he deserved to fap them. So, Fartix demanded that Miltonius (we call him by what he really is on the ED) change his name to something gayer and transform into a fat greasy insectoid rapist and fly to Florida to give him oral sex so that poor Milton could keep his job. He is now best known for his overused and worthless Juggernigger items that help non-member brazilians and quest loading fuckers feel 1337 too, and better than the negro naval commander owners who are not 13 years old.
• Elnaith: An online ladies man who spends all day trying to please sluts like Brittanyy. The only boob he ever touched IRL is his mother's and all his friends are 12 year olds who play Dungeouns and Dragons in his basement, he also faps each time to the severe warnings he gives out to dem silly trolls on the GD.

• Alaina/Venus Some dumb bitch that cried on the forums to be a mod and got her shitty wish, she also bans people for no fucking reason.

• TLD4: Some faggot from the forums who lied about being 18 (Which he is really 12), to be a moderator and get every oldfag weapon and armor/class.

• Dage the Evil: Retarded WoW fanboy who believes "art" is made by making things black and shoving skulls all over it. he tlaks lik dis nd rages wen u dont like his shitty remake design shit.

• Xyo: This guy is just bad, much like his videos which require the brains of a two year old and talent of a brain dead monkey to produce.For some reason his talents reminded Artix Entertainment's staff of their own, so they hired him immediately after seeing his character dance to bad music and flashing lights. Also known to have a gay relationship with everyone who plays Aqworlds.

• Zheenx: This faggot Brazilian is only good at making Poncho-personal armors- and sucking dick. (Literally! He posted a video of himself sucking another mans cock!)

• Galathno: He feeds on other's rage, views the game 24/7 and masturbates on Beleen's porn. He sucks Moderators cocks for being close to staff. He's a faggot.

Features

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Just chillin...

• Have up to 4 Different attacks!
• Spend hours grinding in order to get to level 10 level 40.
• Spend hours performing the same "kill X amount of monster" quest so you can afford a weapon you aren't a high enough level to use!
• Communicate with canned responses!
• Have a pet that doesn't help in anyway and bog down the frame rate!
• Take 5 minutes to rest and heal after every single fight!
• Participate in recycled holiday events!
• Buy recycled armors from those recycled holiday events!
• Complete overuse of crappy armors!
• Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use...!!!!
• See your rare items hacked daily by 13 year old Quest Loaders who just don't give a shit!
• A broken report system to let those quest loaders run free!
• Completely Broken Game-Play Dynamics!
• Engage in annoying "NOU PROVE ME WRONG" religious debate with Baron von Bloodlust!
• No music! They have it now! Sounds like a duck and a goose being compressed together!
• Shitty sound effects!
• The eye opening and informing discussions on forums!
• Spend 50$ a year so you can actually do something (soon to be raised bitches)!
• Wait 10 seconds to switch to another screen!
• Be ignored by high level 40's!
• Be asked to join a group 15 times after saying no!
• Having to listen to Leo for hours on end!
• Covering up cleavage on an NPC because it was too horny for Firearmed!
• Having a dildo as a quest reward!
• Annoying typos!
• Juggernigger items!
• Daggot The Feeble Items!
• Stand around in a pub for hours waiting for teh kewl mods to come and giv u kewl tu!
• Harass said mods with mind blowingly stupid and or idiotic questions! (HOW MUCH HEALHT WIL DRAKAT HAV?!?)
• Hardly any spoons!
• See cleavage and bare legs on every girl character and now even on surfboards!
• Incredible animation by Miltonius, famous lolicon/porn animator from the internetz!
• Have your own shitty cabaret show!
• Sucking corrupt moderator dick for favors!
• Get the shit annoyed out of you by Brazilians!
• Brittanyy giving free cybersex. Just type "/w brittanyy <message>" for this feature!
• Be able to talk to the tight ass jewfag known as Dracorath!
• Get banned by Xyo for not being part of his army of mindless sex slaves known as his fanbase!
• Be able to be a part of Dage's "Legion" filled with activities like prodding, sucking and stroking his inflated ego.
• Making masturbation jokes about Hancok's name.
• Listening to AE's top fans! "algeum br?"
• Listen to Cysero all day and night!
• 95 percent AC releases each week (sometimes 96%)!
• 4 1/2 percent non member, and half a percent member items!
• Lot's of boy scout badges to make you feel special!

Forums

A cornucopia of pedos, nerds, emos, kids way too young to be on a forum, furries, and dudes who take this game way too seriously make up the pits that are the forums. Members are surprisingly hostile to "noobs". Prime trolling material. [1]

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Mmmmmm Kay...

The wonderful land of AEF can be broken up into primarily four distinct hell holes:

General Discussion:

Ignorant Questions and Cock Suckers Answers hoping to get dat Arch Knight:

Ignored Suggestions:

Guides Written by Smart People!:

Twitter and Facebook

Porn by Miltonius. And also what this MMO is based on. Hentai much?

Download link for the rape scene.

One of Miltonius' many whore designs.

AQ Worlds is part of a series on MMORPGs.

[Gratz!Ding!]

Forerunners: Angband• Diablo• Dungeons & Dragons• FATAL• Ragnarok• Rogue• Warhammer 40,000 MMORPGs: Age of Conan • Anarchy Online • City of Heroes • Conquer Online • Dark Age of Camelot • Darkfall • Earth Eternal • EVE Online • EverQuest • EverQuest II • Final Fantasy XI • Final Fantasy XIV • Free Realms • Hero Online • Life • MapleStory • Minecraft • Pangya • Ragnarok Online • RuneScape • Ruby Dragon Entertainment • Silkroad Online • Star Wars: The Old Republic • Tabula Rasa • Toontown • Ultima Online • Wikipedia • World of Warcraft • WWII Online Semi-MMORPGs: Diablo II • Diablo III • Endless Online • Furcadia • Gaia Online • Graal • Guild Wars • Kingdom of Loathing • Progress Quest • Second Life • Space Station 13 • Tibia • War Thunder Developers: Blizzard Entertainment • Jagex • Sony Online Entertainment Related Drama: Athene • Baby Grace • Battle.net Forums • Bloodraptor • Cloudsong • Darknest • Durthas • EQ2Flames • Goon Squad • Helm • Jammno • Jennichelle • JRanger • Leeroy Jenkins • Maarten • Murloc • Owlsamantha • Poopsock • Rick Astley Forum • Shawn Woolley • Silver Circle • Zezima

AQ Worlds is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.