Jack Sparrow

Warning! Woops, forgot my hat

The protagonist of Disney's shit-pile movie Pirates of the Caribbean is a terminally drunk pirate ninja captain played by Johnny Depp. 13-year-old boys the world over have since wished they could be the infamous pirate captain themselves, and perpetually stumble about, feigning inebriation and using the sheer cluelessness of their cosplay as a clever tool to outwit authority figures! When not doing so, they tend to roleplay him in Pirate themed MMORPGs, and take some some version of "Captain Jack Sparrow" for their name. Jack Sparrow can unfortunately not get a boner. He is, however, in possession of a magic compass that points at what "he wants" instead.

Every Halloween from 2004 to the end of eternity, an army of Jack Sparrow impersonators shall roam the land, strutting and quipping lines about stupid shit like missing rum and taking it in the ass from the Lord of the Shitdicks himself, Johnny Depp, and John Barrowman.

PROTIP: Go to Blockbuster and switch Pirates of the Carribbean with the porno Pirates (Blockbuster carries both). The covers are nearly identical to each other and are indistinguishable to parents who are in a hurry.

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Jack Sparrow slashfic on b.

Gallery

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  OH EXPLOITABLE
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  Arrgh, he escaped the curse of the Black Pearl, he escaped Davy Jones' Locker, but he could NOT escape Rule 34.
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  Thank you mommy I couldn't wait to see this again for the 400th time I just LOVE Johnny Deep.
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See Also

• Captain Jack