Bureaucratic Fuck

NOTE: This article is not by the book and does not conform to established blah blah blah. It is a loose cannon, and is expected to hand in its badge by the end of the day. Nor does it discuss any of the number of sexual positions possible with a piece of bedroom furniture. For that, see List of Sex Moves.

ED'S TOP THIRTEEN(ish) TOW ADMINS (in alphabetical order)

1. 172 Stone-cold neocon POV-pusher or mere ass puppet?
2. Bastique "clean for six months"
3. Blnguyen Even the other Arbitrators think he's TL;DR.
4. Dmcdevit Dharma bum
5. Ed Poor Crashed the TOW servers
6. Jeffrey O. Gustafson Uncle G wanna-be
7. Juliancolton The Wikipedia dicksucker disguised as a boy
8. JoshuaZ Daniel Brandt's archnemesis
9. Lar master of Lego
10. Misterdiscreet Recent changes patrol wants you.
11. Raul654 Both his abuses and weight defy description.
12. Redwolf24 A furry, need I say more.
13. Samuel Banning Soldier in the ED VfD wars.
14. Uncle G Too good for a user page

See the Wikipedia Portal for coverage of specific admins.

Those holes are not for fucking.

A Bureaucratic Fuck is a wiki guy or shemale who tries to keep things in order when those things do not inherently tend toward order (for example, the entirety of the known universe). Females cannot be bureaucratic fucks. They can, however, be bitches. As ED believes in gender equality they will be included on this page as well.

An excellent place to observe bureaucratic fucks without actually having to follow their orders is Wikipedia. Watch as they oppress the masses with their petty rules and stultifying, meaningless protocols. The king of the Bureaucratic Fucks is the Supreme Overlord of Wikipedia, Jimbo Wales. It is in him that all Wikipedians find their true calling. All hail, Lord of the NPOV! HEIL! HEIL! Srsly.

Wikipedia is a top-10 destination on the internets and ends up in the top 10 of way too many Google searches. In the real world, some degree of responsibility and accountability would be demanded of such a massive organization (like Enron -- there has to be someone to sue!). Unfortunately, not so in the case of the Wikipedos.

The admins

Behold, those with the maturity and life skills to pass judgment on others.

The average age of a Wikipedia admin is 17. WTF? And that, buddy, is skewed upwards by the presence of a handful of degenerates whose only social outlet is their band of fellow children. Yes, one of the world's largest Internet communities is run by cliquey kids! As one would expect, leaving day-to-day operations to a bunch of greasy-palmed kids is a recipe for full-scale faggotry. Imagine the biggest losers and social misfits from high school -- the hormonal angst, the zit cases, the dateless geeks, the fatties and dorks -- and ponder their collective teeny-angst and anger. Now give them the power to run a massive online community and create their own governance with no oversight. When even nominal editing on Wikipedia results in user flame wars that bring in heavy-handed "administrator" attention, the question potential wiki-users should ask themselves is, Do I really want my knowledge, even my person, to be judged, juried, and executed by Piggy, Roger and Jack with his choirboys? (That's a Lord of the Flies reference. Look it up. Or watch the movie, which was pretty cool, too.)

The Wikimedia Foundation is just peachy with this jacked-up state of affairs, going so far as to brag about it. As John Seigenthaler found out, they believe themselves immune to legal threats. As a non-profit, they have no assets (although Jimmy Wales has a collection of sports cars). While they claim immunity as an "Internet Host", some would argue that the foundation's structure makes them liable as publishers. The next step would be to pass the buck to their contributors and operations, who are suit-immune minors or anonymous.

Bureaucratic fucks? In my ED?

ED is not TOW, although new users often expect strange and alien TOW concepts like respect natural justice, and human rights when they get here. While on TOW these mechanisms are in place to ensure fairness and equity, on ED they exist largely to foster such abuse, generating further lulz at the expense of hapless victims, including locking their talk pages after banning them. To further assist in milking the lolcow, ED:ARBCHAT was created. Some poor fools would like to think this is their ticket to salvation and a return to the loving embrace of the greater ED community, but really it is just another heartbreakingly macabre circus ring for the cadaverous and hideous net-denizens that tyrannically rule ED to lighten their unbeating and blackened hearts with drama, like an ocean trying to warm itself around a candle. And you love it.

For an example of all this in action, see this transcript of a shocking, Stalinesque arbchat show trial, conducted purely for purposes of propaganda, persecution of class enemies, and lulz. Or just shrug it off as tl;dr and skip below to some much lulzier profiles of the bureaucratic fucktards over at Wikipedantry.

Roll call

172

172 is one of Wikipedia's oldest users, and one of its most abusive and petulant. [1] Although he is described as a "history professor at a U.S. undergraduate institution" by the Miami Herald [2], 172 is far from nonpartisan and unbiased. Claiming to be a "stone cold-neocon" on his user page, 172 pushes his agenda through a protective phalanx of administrators and other abusive editors. However, his independent influence may be overstated. For example, he has been described as a mere "ass puppet." [3] Also see this.

172 is also a charter member of the Wikipedia Jewish cabal.

In September 2009, 172 was permabanned from Wikipedia after it emerged that he in fact was merely a sock puppet account of the previoualy banned Lyndon LaRouche cultist Cognition. Reportedly, SlimVirgin to date has never emotionally recovered from this revelation.

Bastique

A fine upstanding gentleman taking a picture for MySpace.

Bastique/Cary Bass is an administrator and the Volunteer coordinator at the Wikimedia Foundation. He is the replacement for the disgraced Danny Wool at WP:OFFICE. Also noted as an apologist for SlimVirgin sockpuppetry, when trying to explain her multi-day editing binges he said:

Back in my old days...2000 and before, I found crystal methamphetamine could keep me online for periods 24 hours and longer...sometimes wayyyy longer. Just saying, it doesn't have to be multiple people. Bastique▼^parler _voir 03:27, 8 September 2006 (UTC) [4]

He is also connected with the "Southeast Conference of Clubs, a self-selected association of members of "alternative lifestyles, including Levi/Leather, BDSM, Fetish and Bear interests." Furries need not apply.

Blnguyen aka YellowMonkey

Always fun to see an admin reverting an obvious grammar fix like it's vandalism. [5] He does this a lot.

A masturbating monkey

Known to team up with other admins to take down other users, only to turn on them. ([6]).

• YellowMonkey's Facebook

Can't sleep, clown will eat me

De-sysopped for blocking users without contacting them or leaving a little note on their talk page afterwards. Odd. Doesn't Wikipedia realize that all administrators do that all the time?

Dmcdevit

Dominic looking cool in his new glasses.

Dmcdevit (now renamed to Dominic) is a 22-year-old checkuser, oversighter, and former arbitrator who talks on-wiki in the dully dulcet tones of a 45-year-old hippie burnout transcendental meditation counselor — but schemes behind everyone's back like a fat 8th grade girl with no friends. He is at the center of the recent TOW — genius! — discovery that admins are mean, bored, and conspire to fuck people over on the TOW admin IRC channel. No names were named until… McDevitt failed to cut himself out of an arbcom case involving Irpen, and another admin said: "I saw a sitting arbitrator (User:Dmcdevit) and a few highly respected admins discussing the way to get rid of a productive user (Irpen) via a 'slow administrative process that looked like arbcom to them'."[7] McDevitt is lying low now, hoping it will blow over, and would appreciate your assistance in smearing further shit on his newly shitty reputation, plus as much bad publicity as possible.[8] He also likes to let disputes escalate for the fun of it,[9][10] but the arbcom doesn't sanction their buddies.

One of Dominic's favorite pastimes is oversighting whatever the fuck he wants because, although oversighters are supposed to follow strict policies, this is never done in practice. He also enjoys oversighting personal attacks against Wikipedos and hiding their dox.

According to Daniel Brandt, Dmcdevit is a 22-year-old emo kid named Dominic McDevitt-Parks from Scottsdale, Arizona, who goes to Reed College in Portland, Oregon, and is in the class of 2009.[11]

Ed Poor

Uncle Ed, the very essence of failure.

"Uncle Ed" is perhaps the best example of a bureaucratic fuck: he does everything by the book. Poor works for ABC and has been quite clear that he does not want people to mention this, as ABC might find out that he is a Wikipedia-editing Moonie. Ed Poor likes to ban people for things like asking for their talk page to be unprotected. He is a disgraced ex-administrator on Wikipedia; however, he still holds sysops on Conservapedia. His main claim to fame during his tenure as a TOW admin and bureaucrat was deleting the VFD page on Wikipedia, and crashing the server for fifteen minutes.

His abuse there got so bad that a true hero, FuelWagon, became a martyr and sacrificed himself to stop Ed Poor. This led to a big session of Arbcom (Wikipedia's e-court, complete with a totalitarian-chic name). Arbcom, of course, decided that they should ban FuelWagon. However, the case drew lots of attention and Ed Poor pretended to step down out of embarrassment (some wrongly think he was desysopped, but it was by choice). However, being a sneak and addict, he never really stepped down, simply continuing with another account. In July 2008, Ed Poor unsuccessfully attempted to regain his adminship powers at TOW.

Ed Poor's magnum opus

Ed Poor upon learning Harry Potter 7 spoilers, "I would NOT have wanted to know any of the points you mentioned before reading Year 7. Bad enough I found out that Snape kills Dumbledore before reading Year 6."

As a Conservapedian, Poor has hit rock bottom, creating stubs so absurdly stupid even his equally stupid peers have to delete them. His work included an article titled "Two Meters", which only said "Two meters is 6 feet, 6 3/4 inches", and a category for "Movies about football coaches with 11-year-old daughters". But his most disturbing editing relates to lewd commentaries about young girls, especially when he discusses specific scenes from movies and, guess what, anime [12].

Jeffrey O. Gustafson

Jeffrey O. Gustafson is an idiotic Wikipedo, and a self-appointed[13] and arbcom-confirmed [14] rogue admin. His dearest possession is his redlink[15] (and he goes as far as blocking administrators for touching it). He was an administrator who liked to play around with his tools and thought he could get away with it. He'd ban, delete, and protect things at random like a madman. He'd offer no explanation, except for a hint by how a big colorful SHAZAAM! was in all of his signatures.

Then one day a nobody went, bypassed all dispute resolution, went straight to arbcom and complained over some silly matter. Ordinarily arbcom would have banned the nobody who complained, however ArbCom couldn't resist a joke....

He is from Pluto, and his customary practices include deleting his talk page to say that he has read and ignored all messages,[16] edit warring over trivial things because he is paranoid and doesn't want anyone to see his name anywhere in any list on any site,[17], etc. He thinks he knows a lot about speedy deletion policies,[18] but in reality he hasn't even read G12.[19]

He also likes sockpuppets

JoshuaZ

Klingon power!

JoshuaZ is a Wikipedia-obsessed Jew aspie college student who hails from the urban wasteland of New Haven, Connecticut. He was once an administrator on Wikipedia before resigning in a futile effort to save face. A self-professed "wang-yanker", Joshua was a noxious presence on numerous AFD and Policy debates. Apparently, he decided that the rules barring ballot stuffing sock puppets didn't apply to him. Now he has joined the ranks of disgraced ex-admins such as Jtkiefer and Runcorn who abused sock puppets and got fired for it. Unlike Runcorn, JoshuaZ didn't get banned for his sins.

His super secret sock account Gothnic was discovered by Jaranda and it all went to hell from there.

Holy shit, it's McLovin from Superbad! This fuckin' Harry Potter look-alike nevar got laid.

• JoshuaZ's Wikipedia user page.
• Wikipedia Review enjoy mocking him
• Josh at the Hivemind
• drop him an email @ [email protected]

Juliancolton

Juliancolton is the user who sucks everyone's dick. He is a 17-year-old jackass who blocked a TOW admin.

• Juliancolton's Wikipedia user page.
• Julian at the Hivemind
• drop him an email @ [email protected]

Lar

Lar (Larry Pieniazek) is the ultimate Wikipedian. He has power in every Wiki known to man, but he is so nice and friendly that nobody has noticed. He self-describes on Wikipedia Review as "The Infuriatingly Bland One". This makes him very dangerous. He is also obsessed with Lego and toy trains. He has been known to hide behind Tony the Tiger.

He is also a self-proclaimed flirt, which led to him withdrawing from the enwiki Checkuser and Oversight Election in Feb 09.

And now they're letting him screw with the Obudsman Commission on Meta. I guess they'll never learn.

Mikkalai

The wikipedian Mikkalai is a bureaucratic fuck. He also tried to claim his penis was thirty inches long.

He is a pathological liar. During the ED VFD process, he claimed that he loved Wikipedia and loved humor, a combination which is not only scientifically impossible but also fucking ludicrous. OMG WTF?

Later, he listed an article that had survived two votes for deletion (VfDs) and voted to delete it, even though it had survived twice before. He likes the policy allowing endless VfDs, but not the one against attaching one VFD to two or more different articles.

Misterdiscreet

A classic example of a deletionist. He takes pride in nominating articles for deletion and constantly patrols the recent changes log (oddly enough, he never reverts vandalism). He believes that a source that isn't a major news organization such as CNN or NBC should be disregarded and that any statement that is not backed up by said organizations should not be on Wikipedia. [20].

Raul654

The fatass.

Raul654 (real name Mark Pelligrini) is the fellow who gave himself a 3-year term as head of the Wikipedia arbitration committee, despite being supported by less than half of editors;—even Jimbo himself has acknowledged, "Raul is a bit uptight". Raul654 is often referred to jovially as 'Fat Mark'. This is because he is overweight and his name is Mark. In fact, those who know him in real life say he's a really, really fat fuck.

	“	He's really, really overweight. Like 140 pounds of excess flub, sources have told me. Imagine devouring ten bowling balls and not ever passing them out of your system. Just carrying those ten bowling balls around with you, every single day of your life. Really, think about that. It's actually astounding that he's not even more angry and haphazard with his personal attacks.	„
	—Gregory Kohs at the Wikipedia Review, not realizing he's not one to be talking about being a loser

According to Raul's Laws of Wikipedia:

Wikipedia has a disproportionately large number of gays, transgendered, and furries. The reason for this has yet to be satisfactorily explained, although it has been suggested by NullC that "all new mediums are first explored by the minorities and the marginalized". -- Raul's 8th law

EDitor's note: Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of history would realize that "Raul's 8th law" is complete and utter bullshit.

Raul has displayed a disturbing predilection for Pokémon, frequently promoting their articles to featured status and presenting them on the main page. Sick.

His re-election bid failed.

Raul also blocked the entire state of Michigan of AT&T Worldnet from editing for a year! [21] He claim it's to stop Jon Awbrey like he's a big threat, though Raul and others have also done similar stuff to Blu Aardvark's IP ranges and Ryulong has done stuff like that, too.

Raul has also blocked until March 2009 an entire ISP in the UK because of one user. And many people have complained to him but the only response he gives is that it won't affect people with login accounts, ignoring the fact that this block stops anyone using this ISP from making an account.

Like many dullards before him who will never experience real humor, Raul has taken up a love of lolcats. He has a sock puppet account called “Ceiling Cat,” and taking a look at the faggotry on that account’s talk page is enough to make any reasonable person cringe.

A fitting punishment for his many crimes would be to live in a place where having a Dynamic IP is the norm so he can know what it feels like to be at school and being kept behind because one person did something wrong, except in this case the class would be over 1000 people.

Redwolf24

Redwolf would have been a bureaucrat if he shaved his neckbeard.

Redwolf24 is a bureaucratic fuck who independently bans users for arguing with him. He once ran for bureaucrat, but was fucked by the community. This is because he is a bureaucratic fuck. Amazingly, not even Wikipedia was enough for Redwolf24 to satisfy the needs of his bureaucratic e-penis, so he had to create an account on Uncyclopedia purely for the purpose of further whining and bitching about this website. No srsly, you won't believe this shit!

Samuel Banning

Much feared admin on TOW, an aspie with no sense of humor and a self-righteous hatred of the lulz. Soldier in the ED and GNAA article wars. Known for blocking without (much) justification, especially schools' IP ranges; his user page has been vandalized more than 100 times. He deleted the Wikipedia article on Bantown because they were 'A bunch of nerds too queer even for Wikipedia'. Quit Wikipedia forever in June 2007, after being butthurt by too many userpage blankings and defacings.

Uncle G

Uncle G is a Wikipedia administrator who has been around for at least 100 weeks. He is notable because even though he is an administrator, he has no user page, in fact refusing to create one. This pissed off a bunch of people when he nominated himself for consideration as administrator, resulting in great lulz in the voting process.

VERY strongly oppose. Clearly Uncle G doesn't accept community consensus, because he still refuses to create a userpage. To me, the arrogance of not listening to the community is worse than not having a userpage. And, in turn, it's not the lack of a userpage that bothers me as much as the red link and its implications on Recent Changes, votes, polls, and other such things. It's disruptive and it wastes everyone's time. We're here to build an encylopedia and be part of a wiki community, not to make an ideological point. If Uncle G simply redirects his userpage to his user talk page, then I would support.

Oppose. It's fine for editors to contribute without a user page, but it's not fine for admins. It rather seems like a policeman or any other official insisting on performing the job without wearing a uniform to identify himself properly. Uncle G needs neither user page nor adminship to continue his great work.

[22] A butthurt Uncle G bleated in response that "it is a false inference that anonymity implies bad faith, on the grounds that anonymous users make thousands of good faith edits to Wikipedia every day." Considering the hilarious anonymous vandalism that Uncle G's userpage has gotten, this was an extremely lulzy comment.[23][24] [25][26]

Unkle's first administrator nomination resulted in a stalemate because the vote-counters couldn't make up their minds, resulting in a second vote, which Unkle won, Florida-style.[27]

Græt lulz-generating drama later resulted when Uncle G unilaterally handed down from Jew, amid thunder and lightning, a manifesto on notability.[28] Uncle G claims that in order to be notable, something must be "non-trivial", a truly lulzy statement considering that 99% of Wikipedia is crap about video games, pedophilia, anime, and sex positions.

Unkle's pronouncement was promptly listed by some troll for deletion, who then suddenly realized that a user-page essay was not the usual Wikicrap to be mercilessly deleted. [29]

Trolls cruelly struck a second time, putting Unkle up on Requests for comment [30] because of that annoying userpage thing. This time, the troll was the one who got butthurt.

Honorable Mentions

Elonka

Elonka Dunin is a self-important, hideous hambeast. She uses her admin title to garner her extreme narcissism and false feelings of worth, and is in the "Top 200" editors of Wikipedia.

She has written an entire Wikipedia page promoting herself, despite having done nothing notable except be on some mockumentary about secret codes for a couple seconds, and self-publishing some shitty puzzle books. Her wiki page is full of shit no one cares about, from where she took her vacation last Thursday to a list of every distant relative in existence. She also has a useless website detailing all of her minute "accomplishments" here. She is tagged as a "cryptographer", despite having no formal education. She has no problem comparing herself to others with actual degrees or careers in the field.

Troll with extreme care, as a whole mass of her disgusting, desperate fanbois will spam threats and lock your userpage. An extreme feminazi, she will become incredibly offended by using non-gender neutral terms such as "dude" or "those guys". Elonka will blame sexism when her obnoxious, anti-social behavior is discussed by anyone. Despite this, she is repulsed by gays, and is convinced that they are trying to take over the world with their anti-family agenda, starting with her Wikipedia article. (See WJBscribe for examples of her batshit insanity).

Despite this terribly warped worldview, she still uses her gender as a crutch and unfairly uses it to advance in life any way she can. She works at a vidya gaem company, where she probably uses her hairy vagina to talk the boss into not firing her for constantly fucking everything up.

To observe her in her natural habitat, simply go to a local convention and watch her get sloppily drunk while wearing a disgustingly short leather miniskirt as she tries to fuck some unfortunate college boys. Note that they are all young enough to be her grandson. Regular attendees have made this into an inside joke, while others look on in sincere pity. For obvious reasons, she is 51 still single.

Bsadowski1

A previous version of Brian's userpage, before he was informed on how creepy this was.

Bsadowski1 (IRL Powerword Brian Sadowski) is a 20-year-old from Chicago, who, like Bongwarrior, spends all day reverting vandalism and smoking pot instead of getting a job. His extreme obsessive compulsive behaviors are what truly distinguish himself from other admins. These include:

• Never sleeping, seriously he never gets off.
• Stalking edits on non-Wikimedia wikis.
• Extreme recent changes patrol on ALL WIKIS (even the ones nobody edits anyway).

He has also been known as a major lolcow, as he attempts to negotiate with long term vandals in every way possible. He has gone as far as to spend days tracking down potential sockpuppets of well known vandals. It should be noted that he has never made any meaningful contributions, rather his account (which has been active since 2004) has done nothing but revert vandalism and fix spelling errors.

	“	<Brian_S> Just fuck off okay?	„
	—Bsadowski1, insulting a troubled editor rather than helping him.

See also

• Wikipedia Admin Gallery
• Requests for adminship
• Milgram experiment
• List of heterosexual Wikipedia admins
• Username Bans

External Links

• Daniel Brandt's list of Wikipedia hivemind components
• A Vee-Ef-Dee edit where he proudly proclaims himself a "bureaucratic fuck."
• Wikitruth.info's articles on this topic

Bureaucratic Fuck is part of a series on Wikipedia Visit the Wikipedia Portal for complete coverage.