Kelly Kalogerakos

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Kelly Kalogerakos = infected with GOTIS You can help by not giving her any attention.

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Kelly Kalogerakos is a white knight heart-throb/female Charlie Sheen. A classic example of GOTI, she lures white knights from all over the interwebs. She must be VERY famous for doing this, because when you start typing her name into google, autofill brings up her name. Hit on enter, and you get whacked in the face with a shit load of her various guises - her current one is the one about her having buttsecs with koalas.

She will interwebzex the following:

• Chris-Chan -- one of her current online flings we think? IT'S DIFFICULT TO KEEP TRACK!
• Azns
• Fat boring horny teens
• Actually...anything in trousers
• Also anything in a skirt
• Scumbag Steve - she's e-gang-banged on chat roulette a couple of times to our knowledge...
• Apple fanboys
• Bill Shakespeare
• Zombie enthusiasts
• Shaq look-a-likes
• Dirty hippies
• Small mailmen
• Female super heroes

Despite the fact this web-tease has had a baby - and another is on the way, which she plans on naming Hrothgar OdinBeard "Bringer of Doom" - she's still to be found on the interwebs, in various guises much like Dana Carvey. Even when she openly admits to having a horse-cocked boyfriend (seriously it's like a baby's arm holding a granny-smith apple), she STILL proceeds to score dick and lure horny teenage boys (and underage girls) and other internet losers - and what's so funny is they actually fucking believe it, which you gotta admit, gives her an epic win at trolling.

Kelly can be provoked - upon finally fucking getting the message that it's all photos and no sex, disgruntled white knights typically turn on Kelly - and each time you can guarantee she'll flame back with these usual stories:

• I HAVE A BABY FOR FUCKS SAKE! HOW DARE YOU?!
• THIS IS SPARTA!!!
• CARL GET IN THE HOUSE!
• I NEVER ASKED YOU TO LIKE ME!
• DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO
• FINE. You WON'T find tits like mine anywhere else on the internet. Unless you go to shittyittybittytittycomitee.com
• I AM GOING TO BLOCK YOU, (But at some point later on she unblocks anybody at the receiving end of this one...)
• GOD DAMNIT, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH

More or less, the quickest and most fun way to piss her off, is to pretend to be interested in her, but at the end of the conversation, tell her ED sent you. You know you've triumphed when her boyfriend who she describes: 'WHO'S A FUCKING HACKER, K?' white knights ur ass - because although she has photoshopped him into some of her GOTI pics - he has yet to get off that webcam, and over to her place - but ED takes a moment here to point out for all the sad and lonely white knights out there, that internet ladies aren't really there - just like this bitch.

Kelly tells people she is a nerd, but we all know she's really just some Greek.

IRL though, when confronted - which usually is in her workplace - which is usually some crappy food outlet - or box making factory - she quits and storms out of the place, leaving the poor fuck who she's supposed to be dating not only without pussy, but without any fucking money whatsoever, because even when she's unemployed, she HAS to have a time machine and go back to an anime convention dressed in a blood-stained Haruhi cosplay - which due to her retardedness takes her a long time to fix up!

She also claims that IRL when drunk, she gets naked - kinda similar to when she's on the interwebs GOTI-ing her 'bad-ass pusseh', (self-description) all over the place.

Kelly Kalogerakos is part of a series on Whores Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.