Krispy Kreme

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An overabundance of mucous is Krispy Kreme's primary trademark.

"Don't fuck with us. We have pellet guns, and we're not afraid to use them."

Nothing says "gangsta" like woodland camouflage.

Not to be confused with the snack treat for whores.

Krispy Kreme is a talented singer who has become something of a Youtube celebrity. Hailing from Birmingham, Alabama, he has, at long last, achieved his lifelong dream of becoming a famous rapper. Surprisingly, he has chosen to forsake his white trash roots and embrace nigger rap rather than joining his fellows as a Juggalo. Some say that it's all a parody. Then again, some people are fucktards who cannot comprehend the depths of human stupidity. Listen to this faggot speak, read his writing, then tell me he's too intelligent to have taken this seriously.

A lolcow is born

THE BADDEST

	“	I. AM. THE BADDEST OF THEM ALL.	„
	— Krispy Kreme, confirming that finger fucking a pellet gun makes you badass

	“	Y'all think I don't get girls, cuz I ain't ver' tall	„
	— Krispy Kreme, highlighting the roots of his insecurity

	“	I could beat you up even if you had one thousand knives... even if you had infinity knives	„
	— Krispy Kreme, redefining the laws of combat, physics, and idiocy

	“	I made out with every girl in the world	„
	— Cool Story, Bro

	“	I might look small but I'm not. I don't care if you're big, I'll fight you a lot.	„
	— Krispy Kreme, continuing to dwell on his diminutive stature

	“	I have 400 cars. I have 400 scars and 400 guitars. I have 400 houses. I have 400 mouses and 400 houses.	„
	— Krispy Kreme failing to boast, now with 20% more redundancy!

	“	I betcha you don't know 2 + 2. It's 4, it's 4, now go and shut the door.	„
	— Krispy Kreme, expert on maths.

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April 20, 2012: Krispy Kreme unleashes his greatness upon the unsuspecting Youtube public in a video that he shat from his doubtlessly inbred ass. His Napoleon complex is made manifest as he dwells upon his short stature while maintaining that he could totally kick your ass. His ludicrous boasts and ignorant rhyming patterns have allowed scientists to shed new light on the infinite monkey theorem. Along with his mute sidekick Money Maker Mike, he frequently brandishes weaponry in a menacing fashion... that is, if your definition of "menacing" is two fucktarded hicks waving pellet guns around in a ridiculous manner. As befits his grossly limited intellect, Krispy Kreme is shown with mucous running down his face and low hanging fruit suspended from his nose throughout. He's got 99 problems, but a soiled tissue ain't one.
Viewers were shocked and appalled by the rampant faggotry they had witnessed. Many drank their fill of the lulz, while others claimed the video was a parody, insisting that no one could be so stupid. Either way, Krispy Kreme was trolled relentlessly. Not one to take things lying down, he responded to all the haters.

The haters get their comeuppance

HATERS WANT TO BE ME

	“	I've been shot about 500 times, and I've done about one million crimes.	„
	—Krispy Kreme, a rare male sufferer of Histrionic Personality Disorder

	“	Talk crap, I'll throw eggs at your car.	„
	—Krispy Kreme, master of gruesome vengeance

	“	Have you ever been to the county fair? I rode the Fireball and I wasn't even scared.	„
	—Krispy Kreme, dope ass fearless gangsta

	“	West side!	„
	—Krispy Kreme, Alabama's native son

	“	Life is a race, and everybody's behind me	„
	—Krispy Kreme, on the Special Olympics

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May 14, 2012: Krispy Kreme responds to all the trolls and haters out there with a simple message... "U jelly?" The mucous may be gone, but the rampant faggotry remains.In this video, Krispy Kreme is even more gangsta and earns his street cred by engaging in activities common to thug life, such as standing on a swing, hanging from a tree, playing with his school trophies, and playfully wrestling with Money Maker Mike... all while showcasing his tardtastic acrobatic abilities. Mike is allowed out of the closet long enough to woo the ladies with his mad dancing skrillz by briefly sperging out at the 2:10 mark. Check out Krispy's dope bowl cut; nigga's got style!

BAWWW

• PROTIP: the heavy QQ begins around 2:10

June 3, 2012: Krispy Kreme uploads a different kind of video from his grimy basement, in which he delivers an inspiring ramble concerning... something. Dreams, maybe? It's really hard to tell, what with his mumbling constantly being interrupted by the licking of his snot covered lips as his nasal passages exude their trademark cornucopic contents. He would seem to make mention of staying at home while others have fun. He warns his fans to avoid drugs and alcohol, obviously forgetting that the only people who listen to his "music" are his fellow trailer trash speedfreaks and hopeless drunks. Rumors abound that he made this video after being beaten by his father, but the truth is far more pleasant.

The Man Himself

	“	im shure nobody will read this. but im a new rapper. im better than wiz khalifa and mac miller and eminem and almost as good as jay z. my vidio is gitting a lot of views and everybody likes it. if you want to see my vidio then you can SURCH: Krispy Kreme - The Baddest	„
	—the Master of Diction spams Youtube

	“	atenshun evryone! my name is krispy kreme. im a new raper. watch my new music video. SEARCH: Krispy Kreme - The Baddest	„
	—advertising rape

	“	wuts up everibody? im a new raper. and mac miller told me that i am beter than he is. SEARCH: Krispy Kreme - The Baddest	„
	—Rape plus USI equals Win

	“	oh man. thanks for the corectshun. im a rapper.	„
	—pretending his rape claim was just a "typo"

	“	evrybudy cum watch my new music	„
	—sounds like an inbred orgy to me

	“	for everybody who keeps saying im rebecca black's boyfriend, IM NOT! So quit saying that im her boyfriend or im gonna find you and beat you up. GOT IT? If one more person says it, im going to fight them.	„
	—two failures, failing together

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Viewer Reactions

	“	U have four hundred cars u have four hundred scars but don't have one Kleenex	„
	—567solorzano

	“	I bet you sleep with the NAIGHT LAAAAAIIIIGHT!!	„
	—lol392

	“	"Made out with every girl in the world." My sister is currently five weeks old. She is a girl, and I am suddenly very worried.	„
	—WightRabbits

	“	is he literally metanly reterted cuz this is bigeer bull shit than anything i have everseen	„
	—Megaflysuperguy - even the retards think he's retarded

	“	the sexual tension between money maker mike and krispy kreme	„
	—Kait1831

	“	Hes definitely a young george bush	„
	—doc7114

	“	eminem plus chuck norris equals Krispy Kreme	„
	—BenManOwnz - Krispy is off the fail chart

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