Raymond Garcia

Oh noes! You is has been warned.

	“	He was my FRIEND!	„
	—Gar, his favorite stupid phrase

Raymond Garcia

Hello! My Name Is: Creepy old man who was "his FRIEND"

Raymond Garcia, also annoyingly called Gar, is what you'd get if Bert and Ernie could reproduce, were they not both gay and puppets. He is a 50-something California resident, an uber-moronic dickwad of an ex-teacher, and self crowned emperor of jb.org (a lame memorial website to Jonathan Brandis, because apparently every actor who has passed on has to have a place where the lowest pestilence of fandumb congregate) and authority over all things Brandis. Simply because Mr. Brandis had the awful misfortune of having Gar as a high school teacher for three, presumably nauseating, years back in the early 1990s. He graduated a year early, probably just to get away from Gar and his infatuation!

This could be YOUR teacher...

Of the well over 800 fact-crazed members of the site, the majority of them women in their 20s, obsessive Gar (currently as username "Goneaway") is always found in the top ten or fewer of the top "total post" holders, who have nothing else to do with their time. By telling crazyass stories(sorry, I mean his "memories" *in a lame voice please ), many too absurd to be believed, and yelling "he was my FRIEND" frequently, he has successfully changed Brandis' lowest bar of fans into his own. Expecting them to believe every f-thing thing he utters, be impressed, and back him fool-heartedly. And they don't have the sense to do otherwise.

Stories, sometimes inspired by cheesy old magazine articles from 15 years ago (that he often inserts himself into), are not Gar's only method of sharing his madness, and a disturbing inner world. Oh no, he has other ways to make you wonder why he is a free man! There are also his insulting drawings of his former student as a teen, which are bad enough that Mr. Brandis needs to come back and haunt his ass (but Gar might like that too much!), as well as a proudly displayed overly romantic sounding poem. Written soon after Brandis passed away, though Gar claims he is not gay. In typical fashion, when the creepiness of it was called into question Gar quickly covered his ass and claimed it was based on something "they" were writing together and that it's about two brothers, making it now sound incredibly incestuous.

Wooo? Imagine this in class EVERY day.

Gar basically is a nutjob with an over-inflated sense of self importance. Because someone was desperate enough to use him in voice-over work for animation a few times in the late '80s/early '90s, he managed to score himself a page on IMDB.com, where (given his new fame on the fan site) he quickly wrote a bio in third person and made the first message board post himself saying "I do exist! I must be important to someone!"

Over the course of the last few years he has claimed that Mr. Brandis told him he loved him, said he (Brandis) almost kissed him (Gar) once just playing around in class, has a collection of those old teen star magazines (from Brandis' time in them as a teen, and beyond?)...and many other random red flags. Some of which you will read about in this article, lucky you!

The Fan Gatherings of Weird People

The First Gathering, Spring 2004

"Make sure to get the rock in the photo!"

It was mostly all women and two strange old men, including Gar. Everyone was thrilled that Gar made it! They enjoyed dinner at (sources say) an f-ing horrible Hollywood tourist restaurant and held a raffle. A feaking ginormous roll of tickets for nine people, but everyone is sure to win! They displayed pictures and a drawing (by Gar) of Brandis all over the table, thinking this would impress the wait staff. Gar brought along quite a few pieces of his memorabilia of his old student, including what he claims to be a bunch of school work that he kept! (Why the f- don't his parents have it??) When they were finally through scaring the waitresses with renditions of seaQuest music, in which they hummed and played the kazoo, they headed out to attempt to scare people into thinking they were some kind of cult by posing for photos outside the restaurant while holding roses. Gar made sure to hold up his magic rock for the camera. That way he can look as much like a weirdo as humanly possible! *wink wink*

November 2004

On the one year anniversary of Brandis' loss Gar got together with his new found fans to do more annoying fan-like things. (Some friend, huh?) He took them to the school after hours (where he somehow still taught at the time), skipping through the hallways of a fan's wet dream, where they put a candle on the desk in the spot Brandis used to sit when he had to endure Gar as a teacher. Not the actual desk, because Gar already owns it and spends all his free time away from jb.org (a total of 10 minutes a day) having desk sex.

Outside the apartment building where Brandis lived they stood out there and sang songs. At the time of his passing they belted out "Rape Me" by Nirvana, and whether the actor liked the song or not, hey who cares if the wording isn't quite appropriate to memorialize someone, right? It's not like he ever liked any other songs or anything that might have made a bit more sense.

Gar's internets protection squad that does nothing at all. It's sole purpose is to sound stupid and prove that they are idiots.

'Course, these are the same people who are hung up on fan-facts that were largely true when Brandis was a teen, like making f-ing stupid belts out of Yoohoo bottle caps as if it's the coolest thing in the world. They all, including his "friend" Gar, seem to not really care all that much for the ADULT version of the actor, happy to be inexplicably obvious with their preferred interest in skinny teen boys. (Why to help hurt his career folks!)

June 2005

Gar's rock in the soufflé.

That year they met up in the L.A./Hollywood area once again and did the stupid general toursist thing, dispite the fact that Gar is a resident, so that is really sad. For this "gathering," one of the fans is quoted as saying on the fan site:

	“	So, we finished the evening by sharing a chocolate soufflé among the three of us...er, four of us: we had a little help from Jonathan's stone!	„
	—Gar's best supporter, "Romi"

The photo at right, that would be the rock in the dessert, that greasy brown lump in the bottem. The asshats actually put it IN the dessert. Um, cute. Yeah...I'm sure it enjoyed it immensely. (You will hear more about this rock later! Oh boy!)

No doubt there have been other "gatherings," but they since learned to keep quiet about it so we miss out on all the deluded happenings. But, I think we've got enough to get a good picture of it.

The Poem That Only a Fool Would Share

Gar clearly got pervy and wrote this for Brandis, seeming perhaps to want to reveal his infatuation. Of which he quickly denied when called on it. So according to his statements after it was questioned...it's about two BROTHERS. Oh like that even helped. See for yourself.

Warning! The gayness of this is full of lulz and psychological wrongness!!!1!!111

Until The End of Time
by Gar

Really BAD artwork. (Said to be for Gar's "novel" involving his former student.) So insulting that Mr. Brandis deserves to go all poltergeist on his ass.

Twelfth of November when you went away
and left me aching behind you.
But I still remember the promise we made,
and somehow, somehow, I will find you.

I will hold your hand again, hear the music of your voice.
I will hold you in my arms, and feel my soul rejoice.
I promise never to forget, while others come and go,
and every hour I'll love you more...
more than you'll ever know.

I have forgiven whatever you've done,
and life goes on here without you.
You told me you loved me,
I said I loved you.
No matter the pain, I won't doubt it's true.

Love lasts forever.
We'll be together,
out past the shadows of hurt and despair.
And all through my life, I'll hold this as true.
There'll be no pain when I join you there.

I will say your name each night,
before I go to sleep.
And I will hold you in my heart,
forever there to keep.
I will stroke your golden hair again,
just like when you were mine.
We'll be together, always,
until the end of time.

I will gaze into your eyes and there,
I'll see your beauty shine.
I'll be with you again, my love,
until the end of time.

Gar is EVERYWHERE! He be gettin' you!

Sleep, most precious and pure light of my one greatest love. 

Among other things, the crazyass batshit talks about holding his hand, stroking his hair, then later claims "I'm not gay!"?? Then PLEASE, by all means, please Gar, explain why a "straight" man would write that about a male, especially his former STUDENT?

But no...I guarantee he would never explain. He'll just go into fanatical-fan (yes, teacher or no, he is obviously nothing but a fan) attack mode, yell and scream, and kick and call you a troll, never answering the question. Then he will get his suck-up gang, who are thrilled to have him as a friend, to defend him.

The poem itself is here, second down.

The "authors note" as added later when people questioned the romantic nature.

For Your Enjoyment: Gar's Poem Now with more animation goodness!     “   I will stroke your golden hair again, just like when you were mine.   „     —Gar

"I'm not gay!"

O rly?? Not-gay secretly gay Gar never fails to use his Myspace page to prove himself wrong it virtually everything he says.

Gar strikes a horrific, world ending pose to prove he's not gay.

Like posting these photos for instance. But don't worry boys, if he's not gay...maybe he's just anti-love in general. Or at least with anything other than his online worship fanbase and his memorabilia.

I mean it's just astounding at the gayness here. Sure, I guess a straight man could like stuff like renaissance fairs (assuming that is even what this is to the right), but...erm... There really are not words. If there is straightness here it resides only in the sword.

The Costume: "Dress up for me Romi, that's how I likes it"

October 2004, Mr. Brandis had been gone still LESS than a year, but getting close, so naturally it's a sad time of year for those that care about him. Gar has at this point for the prior 11 months bitched and moaned about "grieving in his own way," and trying to get the "evil trolls" to leave him alone and let him do all the absurd and disrespectful things he wants, however...

For that Halloween he helped his main fan squeeze Romi dress up like Brandis, the teen version of course! She proudly stated on the fan site that Gar on more than one occasion gave her "lessons a few times on how to walk and talk and do random things" like Brandis.

Firstly, what friend would you turn into a costume for someone else, especially close to the first anniversary of their loss?

Secondly...how close was Gar paying attention to Brandis in life to actually have it in his head how he moved about? It was noted about a photo of it that Gar seemed to be checking Romi out, dressed as Brandis. Sadly that photo is no longer obtainable. Not since the few sane people, sorry, trolls were "mean" to Gar by disagreeing with his actions (while he still claimed to be grieving).

Gar once went around L.A., taking "photos of a photo" of Brandis, urging people to "remember" him. A teen photo. (Would your real friends use a decade-old photo of you to do it?)

The Shrine

Ah yes, the shrine! What can I say about the shrine... Maybe some direct quotes?

In this post from September 2004, Gar admits to having had a shrine.

The actual shrine post made by Gar. Highlighted by me.

In his own words:

	“	...literally an entire wall and shelving unit with everthing Jon-related.	„
	—Gar

	“	That shrine went away before I moved, rather reluctantly put away with all of the other very obsessive-seeming trinkets, (recognized, even by the obsessive as such), staying in the boxes and crates where they were pretty much gathering dust.	„
	—Gar

An entire wall and shelving unite, plural on the boxes and crates. He claims to have been such great friends with Brandis, but look... If you walked into your former teacher-turned-friend's home and found an entire wall and unit of shelves full of things devoted to you... exactly how fast would you get the hell out of there? And never go back.

He claims that it was for "working on various projects involving" Brandis and "needed to keep the expressions, characteristics, clothing styles, fresh in my mind while writing AS" him, but I have a strong suspicion this nutjob left it up to interpretation, to let people think that Brandis was working on it with him. And in fact there were other references before that tried to hint at that. But "involving" could very well mean that Brandis is not actually involved, but a subject. And the entire thing could be an excuse for having had a shrine in the first place.

	“	Then November of 2003 came, and I dragged everything out again...I have given him a place where I can look at any given corner of my apartment and be reminded...	„
	—Gar

	“	...that shadowy presence on every wall...	„
	—Gar

So...his place is totally covered? And he finds nothing wrong with telling people this? And he's a middle aged fantard man. (But wants to be 14/F.) Wonder what his family thinks about it.

Oh, and if you take a look at the actual full post, note he mentioned a portrait he did of Brandis in 1993...who was either still his student or had graduated (at 17) and gotten the heck out of their not long before.

As a side note... The odd thing is, if he has so much in his place...see, he was always so eager to share stuff on the fan site. He did share a few of his own photos, but they were only ever photos involving the school. He was never able to come up with any pictures of Brandis as an adult, no matter how much the fans encouraged him to share. So it would suggest that his home is mainly full of memorabilia of Brandis as a teen? Now THAT is creepy.

Gar showing off the story he wrote with Mr. Brandis as a Character.

Ex-Teacher Passes the Blame

By this point, a few people watching his wacko activities, via the net, had grown a bit concerned. Rather uneasy over the thought that perhaps Gar's delusional ass had some amount of infatuation with Brandis when he was still a student (*sad*), and that Gar was still there teaching other up and coming actors, singers, athletes, and whoever else. Some people did end up contacting the school out of their concern. In turn, Gar found out, went apeshit and was foolish enough to let people know that the principal had asked him when he was going to be done in regard to Brandis. He was NOT happy about that. (He got hold of one woman's email address via the principal and replied with Jealous much? and a whole long ranting letter to her. So, surprisingly, they apparently already knew something was up with him.

However, they seemed to just let it be, he continued teaching. BUT...a couple years later it became clear in February of 2006 that he had been fired, not even allowed to finish out the end of the year. And we wish we knew! Knowing his nutjobery he may well have been talking about Brandis in class and worrying his current students! As it is he was spending so much time on the fan site, some of it HAD to be during school hours. Gar of course put the blame on the "trolls" for his firing, ignoring that the school would have had to feel they had ample evidence to terminate a longtime employee. And he certainly didn't exactly go about suing the school over it or anything.

Anyway...it was finally after his firing that the next part finally came about...

The Rock! Gar's Pocket Pal

No not that "The Rock", Gar's rock! Now this is one of the most demented parts. You see it's this way, the fans pestered Gar for the story of his rock for a couple years, and he just kept stalling. Kept saying he'd share, but never got around to it. Finally, when he did, it was right after he was fired and we figured out it was because he didn't want it getting back to the school.

I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt enough that maybe Mr. Brandis, being a typical goofy kid in school, may have given it to him just to be funny and he kept it. Ok, in that way, I could see that it might have some meaning to him.

The post about Gar's magic rock, Part 1

Or perhaps Brandis beamed him in the head with it because Gar was so infatuated and followed him around. (Or at least that was one of the jokes!)

However, once the story finally came out, it was far more crazy than I imagined it would be! It's too long to post the entire thing, but here are some of the wackiest parts.

Gar's magic rock, Part 2

	“	Okay... There are certain elements who will simply s***, but they can go sit on their broomsticks, as far as I'm concerned.	„
	—Gar

Ah...the fame and fortune of being hated by Gar. Admittedly I am one of the "elements who will simply s***" (actually we laughed our asses off!), he didn't like us too much for disagreeing with his actions. But can you blame us for questioning?? After all that!

	“	The stone's significance is more to ME than to JON, but to me it is VERY significant - "river rock" or no."	„
	—Gar

Ok...so it wasn't even anything to do with Mr. Brandis, it was all Gar all along?

	“	In 1990...we had an almost total eclipse of the sun in LA during the summer.	„
	—Gar

Blah blah blah, he did some yard work so he'd be outside to see it. Eclipse happening, about full...

	“	At about the same time, I dug up what appeared to be an 'egg' of some kind - a little orange river rock, very smooth, about 3/4 of an inch long.	„
	—Gar

Gar holding his rock, because he knows you want to see it. Touch it, go on.

Not like he usually sees around there (so apparently that makes it magical), he thought it was rose quartz, wasn't sure, put it in pocket for later research. NOW it gets even better...

	“	...time passed (almost four years), and I went to the corner psychic bookstore where a lady told me that the stone had 'powers' if I charged it up correctly. This involved 'washing' it in sea salt, placing it under a north- oriented pyramid, and then "charging" it with positive energy. The way you charge these things is to place them in the sun, and focus on someone or something with absolute singleness of purpose, and hold them until they grow hot.	„
	—Gar

	“	Knowing that Jonathan was leaving for Florida soon, and that I would likely never see him again, I had determined what I would focus upon to charge that rock.	„
	—Gar

Gar's rock on the Delorean car thing.

Wtf.

Ok, so supposedly he went to Mr. Brandis' 18th birthday party...

	“	I had brought the stone, wrapped in a silk handkerchief, so that I wouldn't sap any of whatever force it had accumulated, and when I shook Jonathan's hand towards the end of the evening, I put the stone in his palm and asked him to hold it for a while.	„
	—Gar

Mr. Brandis understandably was confused by this. Not to mention is sounds a bit pervy.

	“	"This way, wherever you go, I'll have a part of you with me, even if it's just some of your energy."	„
	—Gar

Hey, isn't real friendship giving, not taking? Geez, think you can take a guy's "energy" even, that's bold.

So, with the rock, what it comes down to is that Gar believes he has Mr. Brandis' energy trapped in the rock, has mentioned previously that he carries it in his pocket with him every day, and a mental-case fan in the past mentioned something about Gar was going to charge a necklace for her by touching it to the rock.

Just, wow.

Dear Fanboy Internets Diary

I have a confession... I only like Jon to look like a squeaky clean Disney-style teen. If he
attempted to look any different than that, I hated it. Once I even shredded two of my many
posters over it because I was so angry. How could he do this to me.

Love, Gar

Gar insults the same person he claims to love in a poetic incest kind of way.

In this post, Gar underhandedly confesses that he is UNHAPPY about Brandis doing "Ride with the Devil," a Civil War era film in which he had to look the part. Gar, who has spent unlimited hours singing the praises of magic and delight over Brandis, rarely a hateful remark, suddenly lashes out when his "teen dream" fantasy is threatened to be ruined forever by this film.

	“	In town people shunned Jon because they thought he was homeless. (Someone gave him a dollar when he was waiting at a stoplight to cross a street.)	„
	—Gar, on Brandis' look in Ride with the Devil

Although for people with common sense, when it's in working order it works to suggest that should cast or crew check out a local town, people are a) unlikely to be alone, and b) probably easily recognized as some of "the people here making a movie."

Weirdly, Gar has unspoken jealousy of (or sexual tension over) Toby Maguire who he also felt need to insult (LIBEL) by claiming he didn't bathe.

Pretend Companies That Make People Feel Good About Themselves

The most--note I did not say best, far from it--that has come out of "HL4," the virtually nonexistent fake "film group" that claims to be continuing Brandis' work. But was actually made up by Gar while fantasizing about working with Brandis and getting to be his special Buddy.

Or more precisely "HL4," or the full name..."Hydrate Level 4 Films, Ltd." A stupid group with a Myspace forum and a logo, plus an extensive and wacky collection of six people, that does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. HL4 is, as claimed, a "group of writers and actors continuing the work of our founder, JGB" that does not work on films. Or anything at all. They don't even get the concept that a film group actually produces their own projects together. Not a group of wannabes who make up a name and even get jackets with a sucky logo (and bad stitching I might add) on them so they can feel important and kewl, and then do nothing but talk about Brandis and have gatherings. (How is that continuing his work?)

I would hardly call them writers and actors. They aren't actors, just wish they were. So Gar once got himself into voice over work, mostly grunting sounds, for anime garbage many years ago. Big deal. And the only thing Romi/Mel/Melanie writes is fanfiction. The most Gar has done is show off something he suggests Brandis wrote as a teen (with Gar that's no surprise) under the title, and make the Myspace group. The "leader" there, "Myspace Case," would be Gar...in all his underaged nerdy 1960s glory. The boy who would one day rise to fame on a fan site not even dedicated to himself, and find solace in his obsession for a former student.

The typical HL4 member.

Other Stuff

Among his many fantasies, Gar once told a story about Mr. Brandis getting his wisdom teeth removed. (He has often made claims that Brandis went to him for everything, as if he didn't have parents. Gar wants to be special.) He said that he later joked to Mr. Brandis by asking if he was going to sell them on eBay. Upon a quick inquiry it was easily found that eBay at that time did not yet exist. (And naturally, we're terrible "trolls" for pointing it out.)

Of the posts Gar has made to former students' pages on IMDB, not a one of them were female. Mostly it's been teen males or former teen males.

He has a thing for sheep.

Gar's noxious gas issues fan the flames.

Gar is recently devastated by the loss of part of the Back to the Future set pieces at Universal Studios, because Brandis was said in his teens to have liked the movie and every day eaten lunch there because Gar likes it like that. He has put up fan gathering Universal trip photos of it all over his home. He's been sobbing uncontrollably for weeks, even though it just happened.

When Gar gets made he screams that something, anything, is libel. In that way he hopes to scare his "attackers" into submission so he can continue with his escapade of madness. Without the inconvenience of anyone doubting or disapproving, or being told on to the world. He will probably claim this installment of ED is libel. Gar is predictable in his butthurt.

Factard # 357 Gar lives more on the internets than he does IRL where he has no friends other than those from the internets.

Key elements of another typical fan.

As of June 12, 2008 Gar, after posting a short poem about Mr. Brandis, stated "Here's the kicker... That was my sonnet number 373!", referring to how many poems he's written about Brandis.

	“	And how long until he comes and erases this? Bwahahahaha!	„
	—Glenda, Coven Witch of the North

"Sadly" the fan site seems to be no more, but the lolz live on here and wherever Gar may next venture with his wildest fantasies. Stay tuned.

Art Gallery

	“	He who you can't rid the world of, make fun of him mercilessly!	„
	—Me

• 
  Don't mix with bricks
• 
  The Church of Gar
• 
  The Diary of a Rock
• 
  Sing Us a Song, You're the Weirdo Man...
• 
  Only Have Eyes For You. No, I mean Jonathan.
• 
  Cocktail Weenie
• 
  Gar Pan and Fairy
• 
  Oopsie
• 
  Merry Christmas! (2006)
• 
  The only way you'll ever get to first base
• 
• 
• 
  A teen boy on a t-shirt, worn publicly. Good choice.
• 
  Face it, you knew he was headed in that direction.
• 
  "Captain [misses the] Obvious" rides again!
• 
  For the last time, shut the #%&*@$ up!
• 
  Gar looks on at the hottest thing he's ever seen. A young male's ass...while he pretends to kill a woman.
• 
  Gar gets inducted into the furry sex club at Anime Expo 2008. (*He says the shirt is from the 1992 Expo!)
• 
  Gar Wonka and Romi Loompa get their candy on.

	“	I love annoying obsessive teachers. They scream like chickens.	„
	—A quote genius

Also See

• Attention Whore
• Drama queen
• Fantard
• Forum
• Ruining The Internet

External Links

• MySpace
• YouTube
• IMDB.com
• HL4
• Meez
• Video