RIKI-OH: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 07:58, 5 June 2022

RIKI-OH (Also known as Ricky oh or Story Of Ricky) is quite possibly the greatest movie of the 90s and a favorite among /b/tards. In the distant future of 2001 AD, prisons are privatized and controlled by meat bags who have super ninja techniques. The protagonist of this epic is Ricky, a mild-mannered man who has mastered the art of QI-GONG: a technique that affords him superhuman strength and the ability to RIP AND TEAR his foes.

PROTIP: Watch the movie with Engrish dubbing enabled for extra lulz.

Story

Strangling people with your own intestines is an excellent way to commit murder/suicide.

Ricky is put into a maximum security prison for taking revenge on drug dealers who allegedly killed his girlfriend, when in reality she was an aspie twit who self-pwned by running off of a building. Upon his arrival at the prison, a security X-ray indicates that he has bullets in his chest that he keeps as "souvenirs". This amazing revelation foretells how truly badass this guy is.

Within a short time, Ricky realizes that the prisoners are being beaten, raped, and horribly oppressed. The line is drawn for Ricky when he discovers that his jailers handcuff the dead. At this point he goes batshit insane and vows to make this the most violent movie in existence. He learns that the prison is run by the ruthless Gang of Four, each of whom controls a different wing of the prison.

The Gang of Four are:

A tattooed man who strangles people with his intestines when he commits HARA-KIRI.
A meaty bastard who goes around smashing heads
A man who fights with a sewing needle and gets shot in the ass by a giant handgun that shoots exploding bullets, thus resulting in the most enormous butthurt EVAR.
A gigantic faggot who grows opium. (Interesting fact: The actor who plays this character is actually a woman, like a reverse tranny; whether this is awesome or ghey has yet to be decided.)

From this point on the movie is filled with epic amounts of violence, animal abuse (a dog getting kicked in half), children who get their tongues cut out and skinned, exploding heads and other lulzy maneuvers. The assistant warden, a man with a hook hand who keeps mints in his glass eye, tries to get the Gang of Four to kill Ricky and put an end to his prison riot.

Ricky manages to kill some of the Gang of Four, but is then caught, tortured and buried. He then frees himself with energy gained from eating a dog's liver, and proceeds to punch peoples' limbs and heads apart.

The Final Boss

When the Gang of Four is thoroughly pwned, the prison warden shows up and wants to fight Ricky because "To be the prison warden, one must be the very best at kung-fu". Prior to this assertion, he kills his assistant warden and the last Gang of Four member with his special gun that has bullets that inflate people until they explode. Holy fucking shit.

The warden then turns into a horrible styrofoam monster and kicks the shit out of Ricky. Seeing he is about to lose, Ricky exclaims: "I must win using my cunning!". With his kung-fu brain powers he comes up with the brilliant plan to pick up the warden and throw him into a meat grinder. Then Ricky Falcon Punches a hole in the prison wall and yells "YOU ARE ALL FREE NOW!" releasing hundreds of pedophiles, rapists and murderers back into society. Awesome.

Criticism

Due to it's general awesomeness, RIKI-OH is often criticized as being unrealistic and uninspired. Furthermore, its plot was questioned due to the fact the prisoners are allowed to just walk around and rape each other without anybody giving a shit, and the fact that the really gay villain kicks a dog in half effortlessly. People also stated that the Warden transforming into a monster at the end was unneeded and didn't even make sense.

Actually, disregard all that; this film is perfect.

Excerpts From Reviews

	“	After watching this film, you'll immediately watch it again, tear your clothes off and punch a window with joy, then you'll realize you're not as strong as Riki-oh and die of window AIDS	„
	—Bizarre Magazine

	“	I had to change my underwear twice: once from shitting my pants due to sheer awesome, and once from having such a strong orgasm from the boner this movie produced. It really is the greatest movie in existence ever.	„
	—Moviefagz