Expert

This is a disambiguation page — we hope you feel less ambiguated.

Give this man your money

ex·pert
   /n., v. ˈɛkspɜrt; adj. ˈɛkspɜrt, ɪkˈspɜrt
–noun
Derivation: "Ex" = hasbeen; "Spurt" = drop of water under pressure; ergo, expert == A Failure at Bukkake.

There are many types of experts on the Internet:

1. Detective
2. E-psychiatrist
3. E-lawyer
4. Persons almost raped
5. Anyone who knows any statistics
6. Anime Expert
7. Spider Expert

Videos

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How to Spot an Expert

Spotting an expert is quite easy. Experts generally carry their forged PhDs in their back pocket (in case someone questions them), attend really boring conventions and tell everyone about how super smart they are. An expert will immediately notify you that he or she is an expert, and to shut the fuck up. He or she may or may not then attempt to educate you in their field of expertise, even if you didn't ask for help in the first place. They will also advise you not to "try this at home" if they are attempting to do something really fucking stupid.

These people are generally very full of themselves and will stop at nothing to maintain a strict form of dignity and intelligence. If you come across an expert, you may use one of many suitable drama-generating techniques:

• Ask them if their "expertise" has ever made them money
• Continuously ask them "why?" or "how?" (this is more of a delay tactic than a drama tactic)
• Correct them
• Tell them that you can easily do/have done that
• Go off topic
• Mock them
• Point them to their ED article

Portraits of Expertise

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List of Experts

• Jimbo Wales
• Steve Jobs
• Alex Ford
• Mark Zuckerberg
• Every TOW Editor