Mabinogi

THIS GAME HAS LOTS OF PORN

DO IT NAO. (See what I did thar?)

Mabinogi is a shitty Korean MMORPG by the same guys who did MapleStory. Mabinogi is popular with 12 to 16 year olds who have no money and cannot play World of Warcraft. It is also popular with the weeaboo community largely due to its strong anime themes. (Note that if this sounds at all familiar, it should.)

Gameplay

The game plays a lot like Ragnarok Online, which plays a lot like Diablo, which plays a lot like a number of old SSI computer games. Move the mouse, click the enemy, kick its ass, and repeat until you die of old age or kill yourself.

You can go fishing to raise your dexterity, but it takes about 9,000 years before you can go up a rank in it. The game revolves around training your skills, then spending AP to raise them. The more you do it, the harder and harder (Read: More money you spend) it gets to actually raise it, and it will cost moar AP.

With a name like Fantasy Life going for it, you can bet that people do treat it like it is their only life. You can make an ugly female character and buy a maid outfit and learn how to cook and pretend you are an actual anime woman! You can buy an explorers outfit and grind exploration levels (Which reset every time you rebirth, meaning you have to keep doing boring quests over and over again)

It's full of incredible amounts of busy-work that you just don't want to do. If you're not leveling, you're probably grinding for materials that go for absurd amounts on the in-game market. NPCs don't give you squat if you sell anything to them, so don't bother. But the assholes will turn around and overprice certain items regardless. If not that, you're probably trying to gain proficiency on your weapon. You don't just go to a blacksmith and tell someone to upgrade your weapon, it doesn't work like that. You have to beat up enemies with it and get points on the weapon, THEN you can upgrade it. It costs tons of gold and tons of points just to get one upgrade too, and if you don't do it you will insta-fail.

Not only that, you have to worry about the repairing of these said weapons. If you want to try and keep your weapons in tip top shape, you have to shell out so much cash you'll probably end up buying some gold from Chinese Gold Farmers to make ends meet. All blacksmiths except one have a repair rate of 96% or lower. The one with 98% charges unbelievable rates for just one point of repair, the kind of rates that would make even Bill Gates think twice.

The monotony doesn't end there. Not only does it take a few years of dedicated game play and credit card swiping to get anywhere in this game, you also have to worry about a broken e-Conomy that overprices ugly clothes that were released on old events because the newfags think it's "retro". There are even dyes that have flashing properties, when applied to clothes they flash between colors and give epileptics one hell of a seizure and hurt the eyes of those healthy. People literally whore out for these in order to act cool among the other trash that plays this game. It's all about getting the prettiest clothes made for you

tl;dr, this game is boring.

F2P vs. P2P

The game can be played from start to finish over the course of forever, but only if you're willing to pay for it. While it's totally free to play, all the good stuff (such as good-looking hair, entire chains of quests, or items that let you spam the entire server with your wisdom) cost Nexon Cash, which in turn costs real money. Needless to say, the game is primarily dominated by spoiled rich kids with mommy's credit card in their pockets.

Races

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Generic!

At present time, there are only three races to choose from, One thing that sets the game apart from the endless number of other games just like it is the overbearing amount of customization you can give your character.

• Human - You, me, your mom. The game favors these adorable rascals over the other two for various reasons. As such, humans get the best of everything and can finish the entire game. Can equip two swords at once, but can't equip two of anything else for some reason. They run the slowest in the game though. Humans being the first race to be released in Grindinogi have some of the uberl33test and players with the huegest of epeens. Good luck trying to overpower them with your puny penis.
• Elf - Humans with pointy ears. Really good at hiding and shooting arrows. Generally frail and can't lift over 20 lbs. They can also fire two arrows and charge the fastest with Ranged Combat, making them perfect for trolling opposing players. Can also run very fast. All the humans and giants hope to god the elves wont get their sharp frail little fingers on a skill called Arrow Revolver which the Humans can use and is basically the only skill that allows them to troll better than the Elves. But everyone knows its going to happen eventually.
• Giant - Huge people pumped up on sterroids. Can rage, equip two of anything humans can equip except swords, and has the largest arsenal of the three races including but not limited to giant fucking sledgehammers and dead trees. Can't play dead or even throw rocks despite their immense strength. Can run faster than humans, but slower than Elves. They have a tendancy to rage when trolled too hard and will complain about everything imaginable, usually how their internet connection sucks, but its really just them that suck. Under 16 players tend to play as giants because they're cooler and taller than themselves and helps feed their epeen, the smarter folks go elf or human

Transformations

File:MabinogiFalconSage.jpg

Falcon Sage

File:MabinogiSavageBeast.jpg

(Beast Lord)

If you pay money to get all of the kewl bonuses from the in-game cash shop, you will be allowed to use a transformation for your character based on their race when you finish the main story or the quest related to it. Humans have the chance to become Paladins or Dark Knights, while Elves can become Falcon Sages, and Giants can become Abominable Snow Men. Though your character looks like nothing more than a weak, feeble insect, when you transform they suddenly hit puberty and gain big stats for one in-game hour, which is only about five minutes IRL. You can only transform once every in-game day, and the duration of your transformation also increases by a few seconds each time you Rebirth (Which costs money, did I mention that?)

Paladin: The epitome of faggotry in this game, only losers play as paladins because they claim it offers just TWO bonus points of Protection stat, making them better than everyone else. These internet white knights often get into arguments with players who are Dark Knights, resulting in massive lulz-fests where ever they happen, each claiming they are better than the other when the simple fact in this game is that Arrow > Sword. Also Paladins have no inherent skill like the other transformations do, making them the most fail.

Dark Knight: The weakest transformation available to Human players. Upon Transformation for the first time you look like a teenage Sauron and you have the coolest attack animations with certain weapons. Unfortunately when your duration is up and it comes time to devolve back into your weak human state, you don't do it automatically. Instead, you start losing health until you die unless you manually return form. Only emos play as this because they think it makes them leet and is the only emotional crutch they have in this crappy game. They also have an ability that lets them take control of other monsters with their mind, allowing them to bring them into town and set them loose upon the noobs. The final transformation looks gay too.

Falcon Elf: Arguably the coolest looking transformation if you are playing a female and have the final transformation, but they only say that because it has AWESUM WINGZ N SHIT. Has the ability to cast Magic Missile and nuke their enemies with fireballs, thunder storms, and blizzards. Charges ranged attack EVEN FASTER allowing for maximum ownage.But it can't even fly even if it does have wings.

Savage Beast: The biggest thing in the game aside from the dragons. Has the most strength, but still cannot throw giant boulders at their enemies despite being able to knock down 10 FT TREES AND USE THEM AS WEAPONS Has the ability to charge up a wide swing attack and decimate enemies that are close to them, but it sucks and nobody cares about it. Perfect race for furries.

Classes

The game itself is very open-ended in that there's no pre-set classes. A player is free to choose whatever they want to be and use any equipment their race can equip. However, there are some amount of "builds" floating around out there for people who think they're doing it wrong.

• Master of Combat - Put all your Ability Points into "Combat Mastery" and become ub3rl33t! Nah, just kidding. Melee sucks balls in this game! Your best bet is to equip two of anything or a two-handed weapon and just knock the shit out anything that comes your way. "Windmill" and "Final Hit" probably wouldn't hurt, either.
• Arrow Revolver - Great for trolling leet PvPers. Pour all your Ability Points into "Arrow Revolver" and watch your opponents ragequit as you destroy them with endless arrow spam.
• Ice Wizard - The magic version of Gatling Shot build. Also great for trolling. Pour all your Ability Points into "Icebolt" and watch your opponents ragequit as you spam it.
• Fire Wizard - Most powerful build in the game. Pour all your Ability Points into "Fireball" and do a million points of damage to everyone around you in one hit.
• Master Alchemist - Summon a golem and spam "Flame Burst" and "HP Drain" while it distracts your opponent. Also, throw up some spiked barriers so no one can touch you.
• Bard - Master "Music Playing", "Composition", and "Musical Knowledge" and gain the ability to buff and heal your allies by playing Caramelldansen over and over again! No, seriously.

The Game Itself

Congratulations! You know how to use your dick now, if you can find it.

She has the nicest body.

File:NaoSex3.jpg

She's the best at what she does!

The best Christmas gift ever.

When you first install this trainwreck, you're greeted with only one character card. It's basic, so you can't make any premium adjustments. You have to BUY THOSE CARDS if you want to be pretty, by the way. After entering the screen, you can start at Age 10 to Age 17 and be either a female or a male human. Smart people will start at Age 10 because you gain 5 AP(Ability Points) every time your character's birthday comes around. Your character's birthday is one week after the first time you make them. After choosing from your very limited amount of basic colors and styles, and having a retarded looking character that everyone else will make fun of, you can start the game! Note to some, if you actually want to play this game, you have to buy multiple cards if you want multiple characters. You also have to buy pet cards if you want to have pets.

You will first be in the soul stream, which plays both a big factor in this game's story, and also does not. One of the most amazing things in gaming history will be there to greet you after a few seconds. A girl with very big boobs, long hair, deep blue eyes, and a black one-piece Chinese dress. It should be noted she isn't wearing any underwear either. Her name is Nao. Srsly. When she floats down and lands, her breats jiggle as icing on the cake.

She gives you a book that tells you how to play the game, and she gives you some bread, showing that she can indeed cook and has a kitchen, but this is the only time that she ever makes you a sandwich. If you're a nice person, you can actually buy her clothes(From the Cash shop mind you) and find them in dungeons, and the next time you rebirth you can give them to her and she'll wear them. The only problem is, you'll only see these skimpy outfits on her if you have her come to revive you if you die somewhere, which costs IRL money to have that kind of service. She won't wear these anywhere else. You can also never talk to her when you want, and if a quest actually requires you to see her (And some do), you have to wait until you can rebirth.

Before one of the biggest patches, to rebirth you had to wait THREE WEEKS(Three character birthdays), which is also roughly a month, and purchase another character card. After you met these requirements, you could do it. You cannot be successful in this game unless you rebirth, it is impossible. You can only ever go so far when it comes to leveling, and eventually, your characters aging will stop giving you AP, and you can never train your skills until you do this. After this big patch, if you bought a premium card (Which costs about $10 USD) you can rebirth in just one week. You can rebirth for free if you wait three weeks, but you can't change anything about your character. This game is perfectly designed to be a gigantic money sink if you want to stay competitive against ever increasing difficulty. The best you can do without clawing your fucking eyes out is to reach level 50 every rebirth, after that it's plain stupid to try and level anymore.

GUESS WHAT LOL YOU CAN'T EVEN BEAT G1'S MAIN STORY UNLESS YOU ARE LIKE LEVEL 400 AND HAVE SOME HIGHLY RANKED SKILLS BEHIND YOU. That, or you can suck some dick and join some guilds to get the lazy fags who've been playing a lot longer than you to help you beat it so you can transform and be cool too.

It costs about $25 USD to buy all three services this game has available. Extra storage, getting a free item from Nao every birthday your character celebrates, and the ability to play the main story and use the transformations. Oh by the way, this service only lasts 1 month.

You don't have to just spend your money on this, however!! Nexon NA, being the expert Korean & Mexican scammers they are have implemented another feature to the in-game cash shop. You can buy in game items too! Though you can tell this is complete bullshit because the other versions don't have 2x EXP potions in their shops, and you can't get every single item in the game from their cash shops either!

So now that you know this game is simply intended to rip as much money from the American populace as possible, you should also know that even after two whole years of being in service, this game still lacks proper maintenance. Oh sure, Nexon can slap up about 16 hours of failed maintenance once in a while, but it doesn't do jack shit. Glitches and bugs still haunt this game from it's open beta. Not only that, with each introduction of new content, they manage to fuck everything else up all the time. Bad translations, horrible spelling and grammar, and broken quest chains. If you try to tell the fans of this game any of this, they'll just cover their ears and make noises to blot out the truth. Oh, and unlike other versions, every time you initiate a conversation with an NPC, the game locks up for two seconds before you actually get the chat window with them.

You have to admit though, devCat had a good trick up their sleeve with this busty girl Nao. They knew all of the potential fans for this game were lonely, virgin, unrepentant weeaboos who think Japan is the greatest thing ever. Too bad they usually forget this game came from KOREA. There isn't porn of just her, but people often draw their characters having sex with the in game monsters, or the Ego Weapon spirits.

Meet the Community

Every Server has a few faggots that are probably considered famous amongst the everyday mabinogi community. Meaning faggots that just lurk and stand outside the bank for long hours or do nothing else other than feel pro and piss off all the other players, much to the lulz of many who get it.

Mari Server, (Americunt server, also the best server)

• Antagonist: The most fail guild ever, run by Craddle. He's one of the most butthurt losers in all of Mari server. A 28 year old, divorced loser with no job who spends his time playing Mabinogi the most fail way possible. He secretly conspires against everyone who doesn't do him favors and calls them out saying they are scammers, hackers, dupers, cheaters, mod abusers, etc. The real leader, Envoy, was too nice to do anything about Craddle walking all over his guild. Craddle was some reject with a fail guild that flopped 2 years ago called TGDG, which stood for The Gay Dick Grabbers (rumors stated it meant The Golem Destroyer Guild, but what kind of faggot would add "guild" in their guild name?). Antagonist split off into Pariah and Adversary, the majority of Antags shoveling the shit pile higher ontop of Adversary while people who really didnt give a damn joined Pariah. Shitstorms ensued and much lulz were had (posting nude pics of female guild members and trolling the shit out of the forums, thus causing Nexon (Fail.inc) to rage and ban everyone from the forums for a few days. All Mainly due to Pariah being superior in pvp and Adversary geting ass rash from this revelation.
  • Craddle has been known to abuse naive players and take advantage of their lack of knowledge and scam people out of their possessions. He also has publicly stated he does not associate with dupers/mod abusers, yet has also been seen publicly kissing ass of some major abusers on Mari server. He is a flaming hypocrite, flaming gay, and his picture can be found here http://i55.tinypic.com/15f3ibp.gif.
  • Sora0147 Pariah's showgirl, talks too much and is constantly told to STFU
  • Chrissyx3 Best gold digger on Mari, hooks up with rich and popular guys only. Likes Camwhoring
  • Sansha Alleged igniter of flamewars, anything started by this hermaphordite will likely be one that causes uncontrollable drama and shitstorms which will last months if not years.

• Derp Rumored to have migrated from /jp/, it was created in the early days of mabinogi and became the largest guild on the Mari server. Until shit hit the fan and caused the guild to split into another 3 guilds which caused massive lulzfests and buthurt even before guildbattle was introduced into mabinogi. Ancient Derp members still lurk mabi, though their prescence has become legend with the influx of gold buying newfags.
  • Xeraph rich fuck that buys the most expensive gear and drops it when he gets tired of it.
  • Skion DIE ELF SCUM, a Redneck that causes everyone to run away from his smelly pits and greasy hair.
  • Swing Emofag that hates the world, people wonder why she hasnt quit the game yet.

• Inspiration Lead by lord Voldemort, Inspiration is arguably the strongest guild on Mari that houses all the proest people ever. Voldie's waifu happens to be a 13 year old girl confirming that he is a pedo. But this is shit no one cares about. Except for buthurt fantards and ubar jelly n00bs. Their secrets are locked up tighter than a 12 year old's pussy.

Anyways, all of the guilds on Mari are somewhat "ok" but regardless, any guild Craddle is found in, he will attempt to weasle his way to an authority position, then it will crash and burn like every other guild in history. He is currently the officer of Adversary, after much dick sucking and taking it in the ass. Avoid this plater at all costs.

Ruairi Server (h4ck3r l337 server)

• Trash: Ruairi is full of inside jokes from the more "popular" guilds , yet every newfag thinks they are entitled to be in the conversation of said jokes. (EX: meat [starting at this then because of that resulting in this], zomfdolphin, nari, paravex, kool kidz klub, anything Inuri has ever posted. Ever.) Way too obsessed with PvP, because they like to feel like LOL STRONG PROS when they camp you on their level 10 elf. Everything is dominated by mods, and not the banhammer kind. Every little noob will join Martyr for their mods experienced players. Though some noobs actually learn how to mod, like xbankaiguyx who gets spammed 20 times a second every time a new patch comes out.

Other than said obvious trash, Ruairi is generally a fun place to be around if you're "in", with jokes such as OH GREAT PARAVEX DARK LORD. By the way, Inuri is Ruairi's OC god;and evolved the Paravex joke a LOT, like seen here. Though,previous acts by Dark Lord Paravex did NOT help keep it a private joke.

tl;dr:Everyone in the game is absolutely retarded and gay, if you ask a rich 12 year old (that stole his parent's credit card number to buy himself gold so he can feel speshuls) if you can try his expensive armor on. He will likely accept so you can just run off with his epeen and watch him fruitlessly attempt to get his stuff back via spamming nexon. All the while knowing they wont do shit for him. If someone says they have a girlfriend in this game they are likely lieing, everyone is a virgin just like you, reading this right now. All the girls are actually guys, if they prove their femeninity by showing a picture, its likely ripped off from facebook. All in all most people treat mabinogi like an overglorified chat program, kind of like Weaboo Online My guild is better than your guild arguments cause extreme level shitstorms oh wait all mmorpgs are shitstorms anyways.

Videos

That is just god damn amazing. Just kidding. Trolling made easy. Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

• Magibon

External Links

• Official Site

Mabinogi is part of a series on MMORPGs.

[Gratz!Ding!]

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