IChan: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 02:27, 26 September 2011

This article is about iChan the camwhore. For the chan, see the iChan website article.

iChan (or Gape-chan) is a camwhore. On November 22 2008 she supplied /b/tards with several pictures of her using her iPod at full force in the vagina, mouth and anus. Unfortunately for her, she did not learn from the fatal mistakes of Martini-chan and followed up the pictures by giving her personal email address which linked to her profiles at such websites as Facebook, Photobucket, Flickr, 43things, MySpace, Avatarity and more.

Uh-Oh

Obvious response is very obvious indeed.

Naturally this was followed by one of the biggest games of DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING this side of the national championships. It was too late, though; sad to say that the peanut gallery took no time at all to locate her address, phone number and the name and company details of her (soon to be very, very sorry) father.

Anon Googled everything, and among her revealed identities were her YouTube account, username on an Atheist forum, Facebook account, CollegeHumor account, Flickr account, RottenTomatoes account and others.

By the following day the Gentlemen of Anonymous were literally on her doorstep taking photographs, and her friends and family had all been cordially invited to view her portfolio.

The situation fizzled within the space of a day. Every last website was raided to hell and back, as the fearless social engineers of 4chan strip mined her carcass for vagoo and lulz like so much spoiled Amazonian rainforest. The last reports from /b/ claim that her family is "no longer talking to her".

LET SLIP THE DOGS OF BAWWWWW!

iChan, showing where she hid Mitchell Henderson's iPod.

Epic though the ruination may have been, it's by no means the whole story of iChan. The reason for this is the bizarre wave of moralfags, newfags and Internet White Knights clamoring to defend her. It started with a few genuine moralfags crying "SHE'S A HUMAN BEIIIIIIIING!"

The second wave consisted of those who had not yet been stuck up the asshole of the internet long enough to lose all their emotions and morals. This group was starting to crack under the weight of Troll's Remorse, but still remained wary of associating themselves with the bleeding hearts. Instead, they hit upon the genius plan of actually JUSTIFYING their attitude by claiming that by punishing a girl for showing noodz on 4chan, Anonymous had ensured that NO GIRL WOULD EVER TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF ON CAM AGAIN! Hahaha, no.

(NB: A different school of thought says that this second wave were motivated by sheer terror at the prospect of never seeing another [human] vulva again in their lives. PROVE ME WRONG.)

The final wave was made up of canny trolls who saw how much the White Knights were pissing the Oldfags off, and decided to pour gasoline onto the flames.

WE NEED MORE CAMWHORES! PLZ RESPOND,

Why She Deserved It

She's a PETArd.

She left the kitchen.

The Aftermath

One rich girl ruined.
One iPod needs disinfecting (also mouth and vagina, probably).
/b/ slightly easier to troll.
Small group of dedicated delinquent /b/tards ride off towards the sunset vowing IRL trolling till confirmation of An Hero. Godspeed, you internet superheroes.
"B HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!" Now a semi-meme, but still untrue and therefore absolutely hilarious.