MapQuest

"WTF. This are not Bat Country!!!"

Following MapQuest directions.

Whilst MapQuest may look like a sluggishly slow mapping and directions website for morons who can't afford a Rand McNally atlas to use for help in finding pr0n shops and brothels, some argue that MapQuest is, in actuality, a l337 trolling organisation, rivaled only by Bantown and GNAA in driving people round the bend and -ultimately- to suicide by bricks.

MapQuest was cool until Google Maps came along and pretty much kicked its ass in every way. It is now the Excite.com of map websites.

However, you probably know MapQuest best for getting you, your friends, your family, the dog, the cat, the Crocodile Hunter, Christopher Columbus, Hitler, Rob Levin and a host of others completely and utterly lost.

The MapQuest Effect

In fact, almost every mistake, wrong turn, error in judgement, miscalculation, woar, crime against humanity, atrocity and just plain bad ideas (google: Miltopia + conception) in all of human history can be blamed on bad directions -'advice' if you will- from MapQuest. And if it wasn't, one can probably get away with 'The MapQuest Excuse' for things both large and small from "MapQuest ate my homework" (in lieu of 'the dog') to "MapQuest made me do it!" (in lieu of "the voices in my head").

This was recently demonstrated in the Middle East by Hezbollah, who unintentionally sparked a woar between Lebanon and Israel when they kindly stopped to give some Jew hitchers a ride. Unfortunately, MapQuest directed them to take the Jews hostage, deep into Southern Lebanon. Israel responded by sending at least 1,000,000 fighter jets to bomb the shit out of Iran, but again...fucking MapQuest!!!

When the smoke cleared, much of Lebanon's infrastructure was destroyed, mainly bridges and roads, and estimates of the overall damage approached $15 billion. Thanks to MapQuest, 1,191 Lebanese civilians were killed and 4,409 injured. Also, 1,000,000 Lebanese were displaced and forced to flee to safer areas.

On the Hook-Nose side, 44 civilians were killed and 1,350 injured. Estimates of the number of Hezbollah fighters killed range from 80 to 81, while 119 IDF soldiers were confirmed killed with approximately 400 injured.

The two young Kike soldiers are still looking for the directions to Barney Greengrass.

Notable MapQuest Users

• George Bush

Looking for directions to WMDs in Iran

• The British Royal Navy

Looking for AIDS in the pool.

• Al-Qaeda

Looking for directions to The White House

• Your mom

Looking for an abortion clinic.

"MapQuest Made Me Do It"

• Saddam

On his invasion of Kuwait.

• Cho Seung-hui

On the Virginia Tech massacre

• Jews

On WTC

See Also

• Troll
• GNAA
• Bantown

External Links

• Typing MapQuest into an address bar will sometimes land you up Shit Creek without a paddle.