John Mayer

	“	Jessica Simpson is sexual napalm...	„
	— John Mayer in an interview with Rolling Stone

He knows he's a fucking boss

John Mayer is a notorious IRL troll thats been generating maximal amounts of lulz since his freshman album 'Room For Squares' dropped in the '01. He is the epitome of White America; a tall, lanky jew from middle class suburbia. He is an anomaly in the music world for the sole reason that he's actually extremely talented, unlike the other 99.9% of contemporary music artists. Johnny Boy picked up the guitar at the age of thirteen after watching Marty McFly fucking shred at the end of Back to the Future and went totally aspie and locked himself in his room for the next four years until he graduated high school. After shredding the blues and singing his 'adult contemporary pop songs' in Atlanta Georgia, he finally got a shitty record deal at Aware/Columbia where he worked with his fellow jews to produce the single-handed best fucking pop album of the year 2001; by default making NSYNC look gayer than they already were.

The Making of a Troll Superstar

	“	When I wasn't masturbating I was playing guitar...	„
	— John Mayer in an interview.

The question is, how the fuck did a basement dweller get to fuck Jennifer Aniston without a bottle of a chloroform? John Mayer was an absolute loser throughout his high school years, even his friends said he was an introverted aspie with absolutely no social skills whatsoever. He was born to two jewish school administrators and had two brothers who were ten times cooler, and got ten times more pussy than Johnny boy in high school. While his two manwhore brothers were out getting pussy, John was in his room jerking it to his dad's extensive porn collection and playing the guitar for hours on end until his prissy little fingers were bleeding.

He had a fuckton of panic attacks and was zombied out on xanax, typical of an aspie. He went from Palmela to Jennifer Love Hewitt in the space of 48 months?! Was he the messiah of nerds across the world? Was he the saviour of both weeaboos and nerds everywhere? Yes he was.

From Bars to The Grammy's

	“	I'm only sixteen years old in this moment, I promise to catch up.	„
	— John Mayer's first Grammy in 2003

In 2002, every female aged sixteen to thirty's ovaries exploded in a spontaenous event known as 'The Release of Your Body is a Wonderland'. John Mayer was a national icon, and a heart throb to every woman in America. After successfully flipping off everyone who had ever doubted him, Mayer went back into the studio and produced another album called Heavier Things. The fucking album topped number one on the charts, and his hit single Daughters dropped the panties of White American women again; over 9000 bitches and two grammies later, John Mayer's trolling hit new peaks after he broke the hearts of both Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson - and then he did a lulzy interview with Playboy talking about fucking the both of them and how great it was. Oh John, you sly fuck.

More Lulz to be Had!

	“	I am the new generation of masturbator.	„
	— John Mayer's interview with Rolling Stone

John's reign of lulz wasn't over yet, after hitting and quitting Taylor Swift and writing a song about how much of a cunt she was; he vagrantly did a bunch of U-Streams talking about how much pot he smoked and doing tasteful renditions of TV Jingles and putting thousands of viewers into existential crises for the lulz. He formed the John Mayer Trio and proceeded to melt faces across the world, effectively proving that he wasn't just a faggot who wrote cheesy love songs for cash. Ontop of his twitter empire, upon further inspection it was apparent that John Mayer was a pretty cool guy. After fucking Katy Perry, he went to Montana to sit around and get shitfaced for three years and then came back to the world again.

His epic trollz never seem to not generate lulz.

John Mayer is your typical basement dweller

After seven grammies, six hollywood starlets and over three million units of pure win - we can all agree now, that John Mayer is effectively doing it right. Only time will tell if this guitar god will prevail as one of the lulziest guys in show business.

See Also

• Katy Perry
• Music
• Guitar
• Trolls

External Links

• John Mayer's offical website.
• His official JewTube channel.

John Mayer is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.