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Hufflepuff: Difference between revisions

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{| style="width:300px; float:right; background-color: white;"
|+ style="text-align:center; font-weight:bold;" | Hufflepuff
|-
| style="text-align:center;" colspan="2" | [[File:Hufflepuff.jpg]]
|-
| style="text-align:right; width:150px; padding:4px; font-weight:bold;"  | Founder
| style="text-align:left; width:150px; padding:4px;" | Helga Hufflepuff
|-
| style="text-align:right; width:150px; padding:4px; font-weight:bold;" | House Colors
| style="text-align:left; width:150px; padding:4px;" | [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UePtoxDhJSw Black & Yellow]
|-
| style="text-align:right; width:150px; padding:4px; font-weight:bold;" | House Animal
| style="text-align:left; width:150px; padding:4px;" | [[Badger]]
|-
| style="text-align:right; width:150px; padding:4px; font-weight:bold;" | House Element
| style="text-align:left; width:150px; padding:4px;" | [[Shit|Earth]]
|-
| style="text-align:right; width:150px; padding:4px; font-weight:bold;" | Head of House
| style="text-align:left; width:150px; padding:4px;" | Pomona Sprout
|-
| style="text-align:right; width:150px; padding:4px; font-weight:bold;" | House Motto
| style="text-align:left; width:150px; padding:4px;" | ''"HERP DERP."''
|-
| style="text-align:right; width:150px; padding:4px; font-weight:bold;" | Traits
| style="text-align:left; width:150px; padding:4px;" |
<small>[[Asperger's syndrome|Dedication]]<small> &bull; [[Poor people|Hard work]]<br>
[[GG|Fair play]] &bull; [[Boring|Patience]]<br>
[[:File:Orson Welles Laughing.jpg|Kindness]] &bull; [[Love and tolerate|Tolerance]]<br>
[[Dumb|Unafraid of toil]]<br>
[[Socially Awkward Penguin|Social awkwardness]]<br>
[[Chris-chan|Being TRUE and HONEST]]
|}


In the fictional world of [[Harry Potter]], [[indigo children|magically gifted youngsters]] upon visiting Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and [[Faggotry|Wizardry]] for the first time put on an enchanted hat with a lisping faggy voice that sounds like he's been mongling like seventy dicks daily for the past seventy-five years, that then [[eugenics|neatly categorizes them into one of four houses depending on ability and racial purity]].
[[internet tough guy|Courageous]] and [[white knight|heroic]] wizards likely to become main characters in overrated [[fantasy]] books find their way into Gryffindor. [[Jewish|Sly]], [[Goth|darkly inclined]] wizards are put in Slytherin. Scholarly, [[deviantART|creative]] and [[special snowflake|eccentric]] types are [[L-L-LUNAJACK!|lunajacked]] into Ravenclaw.
The fourth house, '''Hufflepuff''', exists primarily as a [[DO NOT WANT|dumping ground]] for the remedial, unattractive and [[retards|those with special needs]] and is where all the [[losers]], [[aspies]] and [[fatties]] end up. Being sorted into Hufflepuff is the magical equivalent of having the word '[[Fail]]' stamped on your head in permanent ink and is a convenient way of telling all the teachers at Hogwarts not to really bother trying with you, because you'll never amount to anything.
Nobody wants to get sorted into Hufflepuff and if [[you]] do, the best thing you could do would be to immediately [[an hero]]. Seriously, the first spell you cast should be [[Y SO SRS?|the Joker's magic pencil trick]] on your own wand or something.
<center>{{morphquote|bufflehurt|background-color:#ffffff; width: 700px; height: 210px;|font-weight: bold;
|The sorting hat put me in Hufflepuff :(
I have never been so humiliated in all my life. Hufflepuff. I am surrounded by fuggos and retards. I want nothing more than to be in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, even Slytherin would be a step up. [[No|Is there any way I can be resorted?]]|[[U mad?|New Hufflepuff student]]|Now I love Hufflepuff. Who cares if we’re always in the last place? Who cares if we’re not doing as great as the other houses? It doesn’t really matter to us. Because we are Hufflepuffs, what’s important to us is that we don’t hurt other people and we do what is good for all. We will always protect our friends and loved ones. We never boast ourselves about the things we’ve done. We are trustworthy and loyal, and we are what you call '''TRUE FRIENDS.'''|Future [[lolcow]].|My oldest child (my daughter, Jessica) said something very [[dumb|profound]] to me, not very many days ago, actually, she said to me - and she, by the way, was not sorted into Hufflepuff House - but, she said to me, 'I think we should all want to be Hufflepuffs.' I can only say to you, that I would not be AT ALL disappointed to be sorted into Hufflepuff House.|J.K. Rowling on Hufflepuff. But of course, she would say that, [[irony|because she's a Gryffindor]]. It's alright for her.}}</center>
==Badger Pride==
[[Image:Sorting Hat M8.png|How house sorting works.|thumb|right]]
<center><youtube>gOxwo8TUQok</youtube><br>'''Sorted This Way by The Hufflesluts'''</center>
==Hufflepuff Facts==
[[File:IwanttojoinHufflepuff.png|thumb|right|[[Truth]].]]
*Hufflepuff's house animal is a [[Honey badger|badger]]. This is a lot less cool than it sounds.
*Hufflepuff was founded by some fat kraut bitch.
*98% of all Hufflepuffs are either [[butthurt|in a huff]] or [[gay|puffs]].
*Hufflepuffs are good at finding things. Sadly, this does not include their [[bullying|lunch money after they have been rolled for it]] by Slytherins or [[Curb Stomp|their teeth, after they've been knocked out]] by Gryffindors.
*Unlike other houses, Hufflepuffs do not have any active or vocal [[flamewar|rivalry]] with any other house. This is because they rightly [[coward|cringe and cower]] in the presence of their betters.
*Wearing Hufflepuff colors makes you look like a bee's ass.
*Hufflepuff has produced the fewest dark wizards of any house. This is because they are [[racist]].
*Hufflepuff has produced the highest number of [[ragequit|ragequitters]] of any house.
*According to legend, the first wizard that mastered the art of [[Heidi Crowter|counting to potato]] was a Hufflepuff.
*The Hufflepuff's favored form of magic is pastamancy, the art of dropping one's spaghetti.
*Hufflepuff's common room is in Hogwarts' basement, making them literal [[basement dwellers]].
*Popular Hufflepuff activities include quidditch, [[eating disorder|feasting]] and wishing they were in another house.
==Gallery==
{{cg|Ten points from Hufflepuff!|gallerypuff|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Hufflin'.png
File:HUFFLEPUFF_POTATO.png|The four proud houses of Hogwarts.
File:You belong in Hufflepuff.jpg|In the wizarding world, this is an awful [[implying implications|implied]] insult.
File:Badgerbadgerbadger Hufflepuff.gif
File:BraveLionCunningSerpentWiseRavenBadger.jpg
File:Dumbledore on Hufflepuff.jpg
File:Hipster Hufflepuff.jpg|[[Hipster]]puff.
File:Hufflepuff-stuff.jpg|Translation: You are a massive fucking [[pussy]].
File:Scumbag Sorting Hat.jpg|[[Xzibit|Yo dawg, we heard you like hats so we put a hat on a hat so you can wear a hat while wearing a hat]].
File:Advice Hufflepuff.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:First world problems Hufflepuff.png|Being a Hufflepuff is a [[First World Problems|first world problem]].
File:Hufflepuff Prefects.jpg|Despite the rather [[Nazi|Aryan]] look of these Hufflepuff prefects, Hufflepuffs are far from the wizarding master race.
File:Hufflepuff Swag.gif|Contrary to what this image would have you believe, Hufflepuffs do not have [[swag]].
File:Hufflepuff laughingstock.png|[[Honey badger]] ought to.
File:Jk-trolling.png|Moar liek J.K. [[Trolling]], amirite?
File:Helga Hufflepuff.jpg|Helga Hufflepuff. Hotter than [[your mom]].
File:Hufflepuff Problems No. 11 - You're A Fat Fuck.png|Hufflepuffs are [[fat]] fucks...
File:Your dorm is near the kitchen.gif|...Probably because their dorm is near the kitchen.
File:You At Hogwarts.png|Your first day at [[wizard]] school.
File:Keep Calm Hufflepuff.png|Hufflepuffs even [[fail]] at making [[Keep Calm and Carry On]] posters.
File:Hufflepuff Motivational Antoine Dodson.jpg
File:Hufflepuff Lunchbox.jpg|Hufflepuffs are good at making [[sammich|sandwiches]]. For this reason, they should GB2[[Kitchen]].
File:The Battle For The House Cup.png|An artist's impression of the Hogwarts houses, battling for the House Cup.
File:Hufflepuff common room.png
File:Bad Luck Brian Hufflepuff.png|Bad Luck Brian is, of course, a Hufflepuff.
File:Good Guy Greg Hufflepuff.png|[[Good Guy Greg]] is in Hufflepuff voluntarily.
File:Hufflepuff Game Of Thrones Quidditch.jpg|When [[Harry Potter|shitty fantasy novels for children]] and [[Game of Thrones|shitty fantasy novels for adults]] collide.
File:Pussydeflector Hufflepuff Scarf.jpg|Wearing this at Hogwarts is a surefire way to ensure that your [[virginity]] remains intact until you graduate.
File:NewFaggotFilmsOldSpice5.jpg|Even in their power fantasies, Hufflepuffs are still faggots.
File:Hufflepuff Marriage.png
File:Hufflepuffs emphasis on the Puff.png|Emphasis on the '[[drugs|puff]]'
</gallery>}}
==Famous Hufflepuffs==
[[File:Pottermore-hufflepuff.png|thumb|right|Yeah, sounds about right.]]
*[[German|Helga]] [[Hambeast|Hufflepuff]]
*[[McDonalds|The Fat Friar]]
*[[Dyke|Pomona Sprout]]
*[[Edward Cullen|Cedric Diggory]]
*[[Punk|Nymphadora Tonks]]
*[[Faggot|Stephen Fry]]
*[[FanFic Critic#The Net Dwellers and Manic Expression|NewPhoenixFilms]]
*[[Good Guy Greg]]
*[[Antoine Dodson]]
*[[Heidi Crowter]]
*[[You]]
==See Also==
*[[Harry Potter]]
*[[Pottermore]]
*[[Derp]]
*[[Fail]]
*[[Tumblr]] - Where hordes of Hufflepuffs roam unchecked.
*[[You win the prize|You Win The Prize]]
{{Tumblr Series}}
{{dyingalone}}
{{Timeline|Featured article February 16 and 17, [[2013]]|[[Love]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Lee Westwick]]}}
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]]

Revision as of 22:53, 4 February 2018