MetaFilter

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AACCCKKK, SO UGLY

Metafilter is a "group blog" site that was originally started as a "best of the web" compendium, but is now a site where the posts fit a predictable pattern. It was started in 1999 by Matt Haughey, one of the programmers of the Blogspot blogging system. Blogspot was sold to Google and Haughey, an ugly and extremely smug nerd with a big head and bad teeth, suddenly became an "online celebrity". He created the site in order to talk about his two passions: professional wrestling and auto-erotic asphyxiation. He will often PM members of the site to boast about how good he is at watching television.

By 2004 MeFi was so swamped with traffic he had to hire co-moderators. Who were also close "friends", meaning people who sucked his nutsack with extra aggression. And they started running it TOW style: deleting any post they didn't like, for any reason, and tossing people out for "disruption", a term whose meaning changed from case to case. It is, in short, run by pathologically dishonest power-trippers and complete assholes.

The Iron Vagoo eats sliced penis (vegan!)

The first moderator was "Jessamyn West", a librarian from hippyland Vermont. Despite being a very obscure nobody outside of her little world, she's justly proud of her smarmy and completely positive Wikipedia biography, because she wrote it herself, with the assistance of some of her Metafucker assrimmers. And she just loves MeFi, because being a sysop, the denizens suck on her red-hot magic porthole with great vehemence and sloppy depth. The daily rimjob seems to put her dour East Coast iron-cunted lesbian personality into another plane of self-abuse. Not to mention her vanity website, full of useless blathering by her "professional colleagues" about the wonderful world of libraries (something which she and the rest of the Web are slowly putting out of business).

The second mod was Josh "Cortex" Millard, a basement-dwelling hipster from that holy land of assholery, Portland. Josh is even uglier, hairier and more insecure than Haughey. He makes horrible embarrassing "folkie" music, and posts it online so that MeFucks can rave about what a "musical genius" he is. He's also got the inevitable shitty blog where he talks about comic books, Star Trek, and assorted infantile obsessions. They kiss his little bottom there. of course. [1]

Haughey hired other moderators, but we won't mention them because they are complete nobodies.

And that's only the sysops. Metafilter's luserbase was originally very random and included people all walks of life, and posts were extremely varied. But in 2005, in a pathetic attempt to keep "sockpuppets" who might "cause trouble" off their golden pristine server, they started demanding a $5 payment in return for a new user account. And kicking out people who posted links they didn't think were "of sufficient quality", as defined by their own vague and flaky, PC, leftywefty-Ivy-League-snobbish personal "rules". So the luserbase quickly boiled down to a gang of their [[2]], acquaintances, camp followers, and people willing to kiss the ample asses of Haughey, Millard and West (which is probably not her real name anyway). These persons are remarkably predictable in their cocksucking and shiteating habits. The site now has a blog where they can pat themselves on the back for their "wonderful compendium of knowledge", without having to acknowledge how petty, unimportant and outdated much of their database is.

Some of their favorite neuroses and trigger words are described below.

ME MAKE NOISE NOW, ME MAKE POOPY NOW

Posts about media

Such posts are made by someone who likes a band, TV show or movie. Everyone on the site who dislikes the item post will then say about how much it sucks. [3][4]

Golden shower example: the user called "hippybear", who is as gay as a rainbow horsecock and cannot shut up about 1980s dance music. [5][6]

Political Posts

Metafilter contains many political posts, largely from Rolling Stone and Vanity Fair, and people then express a full range of political opinions about the articles that range from Extreme Pussy Liberal to Shrieking Communist. But sad self-defeating dorkery always overrides political issues. And for vague political reasons, despite being big cartoon fans, they intensely despise Dilbert creator Scott Adams. [7][8] And of course, the mods eventually started deleting anything to do with Adams, partly because he'd been sockpuppeting on their precious site. [9][10][11] Guess he's too "libertarian" for them. Takes a clitoris to know one.

Being offended

Metafilter dedicates a lot of time to finding new ways for liberals to be offended. Metafilter has become a site where someone makes a post, say, on black and white photography and then someone will object as 'black and white' is discriminatory toward people who do not fit into a binary distinction between black and white. A successful thread will then be taken to Metatalk where comments that are deemed offensive can be highlighted and people can be offended that they too were not offended or that they were offended by the person who took offense. Someone has actually posted 'I feel unsafe in this thread' regarding discussion of some topic.

Post something genuinely disturbing, or something about sex (a subject most of them know nothing about), and they will whine like snot-covered little babies.

Any statement about how being gay, obese, homicidal, suicidal, happy, sad is good or otherwise will sometimes trigger a cascade of butthurt offense. It is, however, perfectly acceptable to state how sodomizing any Republican to death would be a good idea. Examples: [12][13]

Old Memes And "Nerd Heroes"

Old memes from 4chan are posted on Metafilter when they have become tame, therefore useless. Dork subjects like the George Lucas Crap Factory or comic books are always popular. [14][15][16][17][18]

Never, ever, ever criticize Steve Jobs on Metafilter. [19][20][21]

And when a person who was famous for writing horrible nerdy books or making nerdy music or being on nerdy TV shows dies, the MetaFuckers throw the most pathetic fits of pseudo-sadness you've ever seen. [22][23][24][25]

Extra-special mention to the thread in 2008 when the suicide of pretentious-hipster-hero writer David Foster Wallace was reported. If you had fans like that, you'd hang yourself too.

Vegetarianism

Arguing about vegetarianism and veganism. Metafilter has a number of vegans, who like vegans everywhere somehow believe that the world wants to hear about what they eat. On MeFag the vegans come up in many vegetarian threads and state calm, reasonable things like 'eating meat kills children'. Productive discussion ensues (lol). [26][27]

Pseudointellectualism

It's a big word, and they're big swollen foreskins who suck it well. Bring up the notorious "Monty Hall problem", and they will cheerfully stick their collective well-educated feet in their mouths for days. And you can't accuse them of being "too intellectual", because there's a powerful undercurrent of spiritual crackpottery just under the surface. [28][29][30]

Eco-doom

As with all sites that flop in the left wing direction, all technology except for the internet and Apple electronics is described as making the world worse. [31] Al Gore is celebrated as a great wise man. [32][33]

Ask Metafilter

Ask consists largely of questions about whether it is wise to leave your partner as you have seen them fornicating with two furries, six dwarves, a large dog, or an ax murderer. Also a great place to ask for new names for your cat. In spite of their endless claims of having a "great resource" of "knowledge", it's actually nothing more than Another Online Forum Full of Little Rectum-Biters. Ask about editing Wikidickpedia, and you'll get advice from "Dhartung", one of the Jessamyn buddies who helped "protect" her TOW article for years, rewrote Haughey's biography, and offered his opinions on COI editing of TOW back in 2006. Try looking at their top discussions of all time to see what narcissistic dull pantysniffers they really are. Plus as usual, sexytime is a scary, scary subject. [34] "Ask" also serves as a dumping ground for people who talk about things they don't want to see on the main forum.

Ask Metafilter’s Human Relations tag is dominated by “anonymous” questions from confused souls asking, for example, whether they should be troubled that their husband wants to engage in wife-swapping or their therapist has recommended that they join a vegan sex cult. In all cases expect the recommendation to be more therapy. When the questions aren't from invisible lesbians and insufferable sad sacks whining about how much they, as middle-class Americans, have it worse than starving African AIDS baby rape victims, they're from equally insufferable Nice Guys who want to know how best to get away with date raep. Any known woman caught asking a question about her relationship will rightfully be called a slut over and over, until her post is deleted by Jessamyn, who can't stand the thought that her centipede-infected vagina isn't the only one on MetaFilter.

A totally real and genuine Ask MeFi thread:

	“	Dear Metafilter, I am a 20 year old lesbian who has just moved to a new town, and I'm too young for the bar scene. How should I meet other gay women? -anonymous Dear anonymous, Sometimes relationships can go seriously wrong. What if the other woman is not really gay? You definitely need to lawyer up. -ParisianSnowflake Dear anonymous, I'm a straight guy, but I'm sure I can answer your question. You see, blah blah blah friendzone blah blah ladder theory blah blah George Sodini was right blah blah blah. -AwsumDood39 Dear anonymous, Have you considered therapy? -SelfSatisfiedAndIntellectuallyLazy Dear anonymous, You need to find Jesus! -Konolia	„

MetaTalk

Of course they have a place to "unwind". Where they actually generate abuse and lulz against each other. In the wake of particularly traumatic front page posts, huge swaths of comments on the sub-section MetaTalk are devoted to working out just how offended people are. One recent enormous MetaTalk thread, for example, devolved into a tedious and arcane discussion of how offended feminist theorists should be if transsexuals show up at women’s rights meetings. Afterwards most of the participants logged off MetaFilter and headed over to /b/ to fap to delicious lolis, all the while congratulating themselves for being smarter than your average /b/tards.

MeFites are famous for lauding themselves for "pulling together as a community". “Oh my God you guys are so amazing,” someone will post after a death results in a chain of “.” symbols, and then the mod will post it to the front page. Everyone will be amazed by themselves for honoring the dead person with a mass of astute punctuation marks, demonstrating the good sense of being on Metafilter instead of 4chan. Just recently they gave themselves a stroke over how they busted up a white-slavery ring. Of course, like most of their good deeds, it exists only in their imaginations.

Extremely Lulzy Threads

• [35]
• [36]
• [37]
• [38]
• [39]
• [40]

Examples Of Cortex Having His Ample Ass Kissed

• [41]
• [42]
• [43]
• [44]
• [45]
• [46]
• [47]
• [48]
• [49]
• [50]
• [51]
• [52]
• [53]

External links

• http://www.metafilter.com/
• You don't have to worry about MetaFucker for much longer. Their Alexa rank has been dropping like a rock for the past several years, and Haughey recently resigned as Glorious Dear Leader. Of course, he blamed Metafilter's decline on a "change in Google's algorithm". They had to lay off workers, too. Yes, that's correct, MeFi was just another Google AdWords moneymaking scheme, posing as a "free and open community". No fun anymore, maaan.

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