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Gambling: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Russian-roulette.jpg|thumb|Popular gamble in The Game | {{Spoiler|I GAMBLED MY ENTIRE LIFE AND ENDED UP IN A COFFIN!!!11}} | ||
'''Gambling''' is a multi-faceted phenomenon popular in both [[IRL]] and [[OTI]]. Sometimes 'legal' and sometimes 'illegal', gambling is almost always a good way for you to become [[FAIL|very poor]], very quickly and to make [[WIN|rich men]] of those who conned you into playing whatever game you're [[addicted]] to and betting your mortgage, kids' | {{Spoiler|69, 42, 0, 1, 3, 3, 7 WERE THE WINNING LOTTO NUMBERS, THE PRIZE WAS 69 SEXTILLION DOLLARS AND I LOST}} | ||
{{Spoiler|YOU HAVE A HIGHER CHANCE OF DYING FROM A FALLING COCONUT THAN WINNING THE LOTTERY!!!!1111!!}} | |||
{{Spoiler|90% OF GAMBLERS QUIT BEFORE WINNING BIG}} | |||
{{Spoiler|the lottery is just a tax on poor fucking people}} | |||
[[Image:Russian-roulette.jpg|thumb|Popular gamble in The Game of Life.]] | |||
[[Image:Gambatruth.png|thumb|The truth of gambling.]] | |||
'''Gambling''' is a multi-faceted phenomenon popular in both [[IRL]] and [[OTI]]. Sometimes 'legal' and sometimes 'illegal', gambling is almost always a good way for you to become [[FAIL|very poor]], very quickly and to make [[WIN|rich men]] of those who conned you into playing whatever game you're [[addicted]] to and betting your mortgage, kids' [[college]] funds and your [[marriage]] on. Gambling is also a good speedrun of throwing away money and your life apart. | |||
Often described as "A GAME FOR REAL MEN, YOU [[Fag|FAG]]." | Often described as "A GAME FOR REAL MEN, YOU [[Fag|FAG]]." | ||
| Line 7: | Line 13: | ||
== Online Gambling == | == Online Gambling == | ||
A big favorite with [[13-year-old boys]] and [[16-year-old girls]], this form of gambling usually involves their [[parents]]; in that the parents don't know you're | A big favorite with [[13-year-old boys]] and [[16-year-old girls]], this form of gambling usually involves their [[parents]]; in that the parents don't know you're running up huge losses on their Visa cards. Newfags of gambling will oftentimes lose all money. | ||
=== Online Poker === | === Online Poker === | ||
| Line 23: | Line 29: | ||
===[[Online Sports Betting]]=== | ===[[Online Sports Betting]]=== | ||
[[Image:Manningbreaker.jpg|right|thumb| [[I Am In Your Base Killing Your D00ds|In ur Super Bowl, fuckin up ur odds.]]]] | [[Image:Manningbreaker.jpg|right|thumb| [[I Am In Your Base Killing Your D00ds|In ur Super Bowl, fuckin up ur odds.]]]] | ||
These are websites run by small groups of | These are websites run by small groups of [[Mafia|similarly interested people]] with [[unlimited disposable income]]. Sports betting has its own language, dealing with [[TL;DR|vigs, overs, unders, spreads, yada yada yada]]. What the language boils down to is that if you don't pay me, [[bitch]], I'll [[OJ Simpson|fuckin strangle your ass]]. Or at least [[rape]] your credit score into dust. Everyone thinks they'll beat the system on a sure thing. Everyone thinks they're smarter than the bookies but we all know the house wins in the end. Every fucking time. [[You]] are no different. | ||
=== Online Bingo === | === Online Bingo === | ||
| Line 34: | Line 40: | ||
== Casinos == | == Casinos == | ||
[[Image:LasVegasSign.jpg|thumb|300px|Disneyland for [[Adult|adults]].]] | [[Image:LasVegasSign.jpg|thumb|300px|Disneyland for [[Adult|adults]].]] | ||
A '''casino''' (cash-eee-no) is a magical wonderland, an [[hookers and blow|adult playground]] with bright flashing lights, lots of nose and copious amounts of free booze (as long as you're [[gambling|playing]]) served by aged trollops in mini-dresses and fishnet tights. They're also a great place to go if you're short on breath, since casinos pump their rooms full of pure oxygen to keep the drunken, sleep-deprived [[NORP]]s awake and 'alert' | A '''casino''' (cash-eee-no) is a magical wonderland, an [[hookers and blow|adult playground]] with bright flashing lights, lots of nose and copious amounts of free booze (as long as you're [[gambling|playing]]) served by aged trollops in mini-dresses and fishnet tights. They're also a great place to go if you're short on breath, since casinos pump their rooms full of pure oxygen to keep the drunken, sleep-deprived [[NORP]]s awake and 'alert' enough to keep on turning over all their money to the [[Mafia]]. | ||
Casinos are places where [[idiot]] people pour money into brightly lit noisy machines and [[masturbate]] while waiting to become instantly rich. Often, casino use is as [[Drug|addicting]] as any other type of [[crack]]. | Casinos are places where [[idiot]] people pour money into brightly lit noisy machines and [[masturbate]] while waiting to become instantly rich. Often, casino use is as [[Drug|addicting]] as any other type of [[crack]]. | ||
Common fantasies at the casino include "doing" the cocktail waitress, blowing the blackjack dealer or being "[[Fuck|shown a good time]]" by the sexy hotel clerk. None of this ever really happens, of course, but since "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and no one's stories can ever be verified, | Common fantasies at the casino include "doing" the cocktail waitress, blowing the blackjack dealer or being "[[Fuck|shown a good time]]" by the sexy hotel clerk. None of this ever really happens, of course, but since "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and no one's stories can ever be verified, such tales of ribaldry abound. | ||
The denizens of casinos tend to be [[whores]], thieves and other dregs of society such as overweight families from the Midwestern United States dressed in matching polyester and dragging four or five screaming kids behind while "on vacation." These wankers, while commonly seen as prey by the locals of casino-hosting villages, are also the source of much of a casino population's wealth, so the "bleed them till they die" mentality hangs in careful balance with the "show them a good time" | The denizens of casinos tend to be [[whores]], thieves and other dregs of society such as overweight families from the Midwestern United States dressed in matching polyester and dragging four or five screaming kids behind while "on vacation." These wankers, while commonly seen as prey by the locals of casino-hosting villages, are also the source of much of a casino population's wealth, so the "bleed them till they die" mentality hangs in careful balance with the "show them a good time" ethos. | ||
If a normal person is confronted with a casino, normal human curiosity and thrill-seeking behavior, combined with the urge to "strike it rich" can be an overpowering force sucking the poor person into the maw of despair that is the casino floor. But strength can be found if one looks away from the [[epilepsy]]-inducing flashing lights long enough to notice the dry, shriveled husks of humanity inevitably attached to the slot machines. | If a normal person is confronted with a casino, normal human curiosity and thrill-seeking behavior, combined with the urge to "strike it rich" can be an overpowering force sucking the poor person into the maw of despair that is the casino floor. But strength can be found if one looks away from the [[epilepsy]]-inducing flashing lights long enough to notice the dry, shriveled husks of humanity inevitably attached to the slot machines. | ||
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[[Image:Magua.jpg|right|thumb| [[Magua|When the tourist is dead, Magua will eat his heart. Before he dies, Magua will take all the tourist's money, so that the tourist will know that his bank account is wiped out forever]]]] | [[Image:Magua.jpg|right|thumb| [[Magua|When the tourist is dead, Magua will eat his heart. Before he dies, Magua will take all the tourist's money, so that the tourist will know that his bank account is wiped out forever]]]] | ||
*[[Las Vegas]] | *[[Las Vegas]] | ||
**Wretched hive of scum and villainy. Don't let the commercials fool you. If everyone in Vegas was [[rich and beautiful]] then they wouldn't film so many episodes of "[[Cops]]" there. Vegas seems all cool until you get your drunk ass battered and rolled into a gutter by a couple of [[Weegee|no-neck goombahs]] because you won a few too many hands at the | **Wretched hive of scum and villainy. Don't let the commercials fool you. If everyone in Vegas was [[rich and beautiful]] then they wouldn't film so many episodes of "[[Cops]]" there. Vegas seems all cool until you get your drunk ass battered and rolled into a gutter by a couple of [[Weegee|no-neck goombahs]] because you won a few too many hands at the tables. | ||
*[[New Jersey|Atlantic City]] | *[[New Jersey|Atlantic City]] | ||
**Like [[Las Vegas]] except '''all''' the [[hookers]] have [[AIDS]]. | **Like [[Las Vegas]] except '''all''' the [[hookers]] have [[AIDS]]. | ||
| Line 53: | Line 59: | ||
**Injun casinos are like the payback for smallpox blankets. Like Las Vegas except that the guidos have fucking tomahawks. Don't worry about losing, the tribal council will probably blow all that money on king-size bottles of [[Alcohol|Listerine]] anyways. | **Injun casinos are like the payback for smallpox blankets. Like Las Vegas except that the guidos have fucking tomahawks. Don't worry about losing, the tribal council will probably blow all that money on king-size bottles of [[Alcohol|Listerine]] anyways. | ||
*Cruise ships | *Cruise ships | ||
**A casino you can never, ever, ever leave...unless you jump overboard. This seems like a great idea after you lose your pension at the [[shit|craps] | **A casino you can never, ever, ever leave...unless you jump overboard. This seems like a great idea after you lose your pension at the [[shit|craps]] table. | ||
*Europe | *Europe | ||
**Home of respected gambling establishments filled with hot and cold running [[pussy]]. Only [[Leave Bond To Me|James Bond]] can afford to gamble here. | **Home of respected gambling establishments filled with hot and cold running [[pussy]]. Only [[Leave Bond To Me|James Bond]] can afford to gamble here. | ||
== Street Gambling == | == Street Gambling == | ||
On top of straight-up [[419 Nigerian Email Scams|cons]], like '''Three Card Monte''', played out for [[the white man]]'s [[Jew gold]] on the bustling streets of most major cities, there are many popular [[lose|games of chance]] played in dark alleyways and basements - including craps, | On top of straight-up [[419 Nigerian Email Scams|cons]], like '''Three Card Monte''', played out for [[the white man]]'s [[Jew gold]] on the bustling streets of most major cities, there are many popular [[lose|games of chance]] played in dark alleyways and basements - including craps, [[buttsecks|cock fighting]] and [[Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this|fisticuffs]] - which are especially popular with [[Redundant|broke, alcoholic blacks and Hispanics on parole]]. | ||
== Legal Gambling== | == Legal Gambling== | ||
===The Lottery=== | ===The Lottery=== | ||
Many cities, states and countries around the world have legalized gambling in the form of '''lotteries'''. These take place in various forms but are totally not evil like regular gambling since all the money that a bunch of glue factory workers from some crap town you | Many cities, states and countries around the world have legalized gambling in the form of '''lotteries'''. These take place in various forms but are totally not evil like regular gambling since all the money that a bunch of glue factory workers from some crap town you never heard of doesn't win is supposed to go to schools or some shit. | ||
Lottery winners are usually the [[Gaia Online|scum of the earth]]. Even when they win millions of dollars they remain [[white trash]], kind of like [[Wigger|Eminem]]. | Lottery winners are usually the [[Gaia Online|scum of the earth]]. Even when they win millions of dollars they remain [[white trash]], kind of like [[Wigger|Eminem]]. Lottery winners also run into horrible fates with uncommon frequency: | ||
* Rick Camat - won millions in the [[California]] lottery only to be shot to death by cops. | * Rick Camat - won millions in the [[California]] lottery only to be shot to death by cops. | ||
* Oscar Cordoba - stabbed his wife repeatedly and killed his mother in law. | * Oscar Cordoba - stabbed his wife repeatedly and killed his mother in law. | ||
| Line 73: | Line 79: | ||
[http://www.rotten.com/library/culture/lottery-winners/ Rotten Library article on Lottery Winners] | [http://www.rotten.com/library/culture/lottery-winners/ Rotten Library article on Lottery Winners] | ||
===Typical Lottery players when they win or lose=== | |||
<center> | |||
{{frame|{{fv|Lottololz|margin: auto; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;|font-weight: bold;| | |||
<youtube>Vs441Fv1M3E</youtube><br />When you win you become fucking entitled and when you lose you're more fucking entitled| | |||
<youtube>0N6bklVSkEo</youtube><br />Woman claims she regrets winning the lottery because the lotto gave her "a curse"| | |||
<youtube>D9QCvgKW7fk</youtube><br />The only legendary lottery player ever| | |||
<youtube>39YHNyNi_Ho</youtube><br /> The reality of gambling| | |||
}}|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}} | |||
</center> | |||
===Horse Racing=== | ===Horse Racing=== | ||
[[Image:Deadhorserace.jpg|thumb|right| Wilbur? Why?]] | [[Image:Deadhorserace.jpg|thumb|right| Wilbur? Why?]] | ||
Horse racing takes place at large tracks populated by [[Lemonparty|old people]], [[Alcohol|hopeless alcoholics]], the [[poor]], and scared [[white|rich]] people who huddle away from the masses in private booths. Horse racing can be likened to [[yiff]]ing in the sense that they both make you hate animals. The idea is to pick the | Horse racing takes place at large tracks populated by [[Lemonparty|old people]], [[Alcohol|hopeless alcoholics]], the [[poor]], and scared [[white|rich]] people who huddle away from the masses in private booths. Horse racing can be likened to [[yiff]]ing in the sense that they both make you hate animals. The idea is to pick the horse and '''jockey''' (an old horse racing term that means "[[Tom Cruise|freakish midget]]") that [[Mr. Hands|come in]] first. | ||
People at the track put all their faith and hope in losers with the worst odds, hoping that the noble beasts will [[Unrealistic Expectations|break a streak of bad luck]] and make the gambler rich. Then the gambler drinks when the horse loses. The horse, now useless to their owner, is then shot. Either that or they bet for the unbeatable horses that are guaranteed to win. This makes them pennies at a time, barely enough to cover their astronomical bar tabs. The horses that win wear out faster, making them [[DOS|antiquated and useless]] before they normally would - | People at the track put all their faith and hope in losers with the worst odds, hoping that the noble beasts will [[Unrealistic Expectations|break a streak of bad luck]] and make the gambler rich. Then the gambler drinks when the horse loses. The horse, now useless to their owner, is then shot. Either that or they bet for the unbeatable horses that are guaranteed to win. This makes them pennies at a time, barely enough to cover their astronomical bar tabs. The horses that win wear out faster, making them [[DOS|antiquated and useless]] before they normally would - working their way to the [[Tumbles the Stairdragon|inenvitable broken bone]] and [[shotgun mouthwash]]. | ||
So horse racing produces two things: | So horse racing produces two things: | ||
| Line 87: | Line 101: | ||
==Stock Market== | ==Stock Market== | ||
Some people like to place all their faith in the [[suicide|stock market]]. In 2007, all teh players in the stock market were [[pwned]]. Some people place the stock market above their very own [[pedobear|allah]], which is actually more rational, considering that the real lord & savior is mr. [[raptor jesus]]. For some reason, | Some people like to place all their faith in the [[suicide|stock market]]. In 2007, all teh players in the stock market were [[pwned]]. Some people place the stock market above their very own [[pedobear|allah]], which is actually more rational, considering that the real lord & savior is mr. [[raptor jesus]]. For some reason, people continue to play in the stock market game, they are usually douche bag hot-shots that are most probably very queer and [[homosexuality|love to take it in the pooper from other males]]. | ||
==Rock Paper Scissors== | ==Rock Paper Scissors== | ||
| Line 95: | Line 109: | ||
Paper beats Scissors because when the Scissors is safely wrapped in Paper you can even run holding them. Even if you trip over a Rock. | Paper beats Scissors because when the Scissors is safely wrapped in Paper you can even run holding them. Even if you trip over a Rock. | ||
==Gambling tips and strategy guide <s>to becoming a depressed, poor, and an hero</s>== | |||
<small>[[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] does not undertake any responsibility and/or liability for any losses and/or damages sustained by any person or persons using services on our site and we shall not be responsible and/or liable for any losses or damages due to any information or otherwise contained on this web site or through links, sponsors and email correspondence, whether due to inaccuracy, error, omission or bad judgment or any reason whatsoever. We do not take responsibility in any way regarding picks and predictions posted on this or any site, so if you lose your house, your wife leaves you, you end up on a street corner downtown, sucking dick for crack rock while you live behind a restaurant dumpster, it isn't [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Encyclopedia Dramatica's]] fault. If you feel you have complaints, comments, or wish to contact us, please see [[Offended|this page,]] where your issues will be resolved. We advise all viewers to use discretion when viewing our picks and predictions page. If you encounter gambling problems of any kind, please contact the gambling help authorities in your area. This website is '''NOT''' responsible for the losses of any of its users or traffic in general. The gambler is to be responsible for his or her activity and transactions online. It is the mere and sole purpose of the site to recommend gambling alternatives online, poke fun at them, and to display this information for entertainment purposes only. But you won't do that, sucker.</small> | |||
Most gambling addicts have no idea what the fuck they're doing and when to stop. Even professional gamblers make mistakes! This often makes them feel miserable, lose everything and even turn into an hero. These pro tips will help you make more money quickly than teachers and Mcdonald's workers in the USA! | |||
*If you're in America winning the lotto expect a good chunk of your savings to be paid by taxes. | |||
*When you run out of money borrow a chunk of money from someone =) | |||
*Remember, always expect to lose, and if you lose money just deal with it BITCH | |||
*Always expect bullshit rigging to happen 100% of the time. | |||
*KNOW WHEN TO STOP and PLAY WITHIN YOUR LIMITS!! | |||
*Bet how much your nut feels which is your life savings. | |||
*Gamble!!! | |||
*??? | |||
* PROFIT!!! | |||
==How to troll Gamblers== | |||
*Tell them that gambling is not an INVESTMENT | |||
*Say the casinos/online websites will always win and make you lose REGARDLESS. | |||
*Tell them that gambling is worse than drug and alcohol ADDICTION | |||
*Gambling is not cool and only makes you an entitled ego person | |||
*Say that Gambling is for mentally ill people | |||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
*[[Pwnt]] | *[[Pwnt]] | ||
*[[Vegas]] | *[[Vegas]] | ||
*[[Online Gambling]] | *[[Online Gambling]] | ||
*[[Native Americans]] | *[[Native Americans]] | ||
*[[Dead-Pool]] | *[[Dead-Pool]] | ||
*[[Drunk]] | *[[Drunk]] | ||
*[[Hookers and blow]] | *[[Hookers and blow]] | ||
*[[Russian Roulette]] | *[[Russian Roulette]] | ||
*[http://www.fap-roulette.com Fap Roulette] | *[http://www.fap-roulette.com Fap Roulette] | ||
*[[The Game|You just lost the Game]] | *[[The Game|You just lost the Game]] | ||
*[[Squid Game]] | |||
{{gaming}} | {{gaming}} | ||
{{money}} | |||
[[Category:Locations]] | [[Category:Locations]] | ||
[[Category:IRL Shit]] | |||
Latest revision as of 03:18, 16 September 2022
Gambling is a multi-faceted phenomenon popular in both IRL and OTI. Sometimes 'legal' and sometimes 'illegal', gambling is almost always a good way for you to become very poor, very quickly and to make rich men of those who conned you into playing whatever game you're addicted to and betting your mortgage, kids' college funds and your marriage on. Gambling is also a good speedrun of throwing away money and your life apart.
Often described as "A GAME FOR REAL MEN, YOU FAG."
There are many ways in which you can participate in FAILING.
Online Gambling
A big favorite with 13-year-old boys and 16-year-old girls, this form of gambling usually involves their parents; in that the parents don't know you're running up huge losses on their Visa cards. Newfags of gambling will oftentimes lose all money.
Online Poker
Since ESPN decided that poker is a legitimate sport (despite the lack of any real exertion — unless you count facial ticks as "flexing") and celebrities made it cool on such TV shows as Celebrity Poker Showdown, online poker has become the game of choice for hipster high schoolers.
Typical Online Poker Player
Meet Prahlad Friedman: vegan, Jew Californian, weaboo rapper, wigger, online poker champ - and that's according to Wikipedia.
PROTIP: You'll wish it was a Rickroll.
Friedman plays online under the names Zweig, Mahatma, Spirit Rock and Prefontaine. Not like you'd ever want to talk to this asshat. This sort of borderline aspie retardation is encouraged in the poker world to make their players more memorable.
What makes it worse is that he's a millionaire. LOL broke. Word.
Online Sports Betting
These are websites run by small groups of similarly interested people with unlimited disposable income. Sports betting has its own language, dealing with vigs, overs, unders, spreads, yada yada yada. What the language boils down to is that if you don't pay me, bitch, I'll fuckin strangle your ass. Or at least rape your credit score into dust. Everyone thinks they'll beat the system on a sure thing. Everyone thinks they're smarter than the bookies but we all know the house wins in the end. Every fucking time. You are no different.
Online Bingo
One of the most popular online gambling games is online bingo. According to the Internet Bingo Blog, there are over 357 online bingo sites currently operating. Some operators require players to download free software to play their games. Other operators use JavaScript or Adobe Flash based games that allow you to play immediately online after registering a player account.
And here is what you play:
Casinos
A casino (cash-eee-no) is a magical wonderland, an adult playground with bright flashing lights, lots of nose and copious amounts of free booze (as long as you're playing) served by aged trollops in mini-dresses and fishnet tights. They're also a great place to go if you're short on breath, since casinos pump their rooms full of pure oxygen to keep the drunken, sleep-deprived NORPs awake and 'alert' enough to keep on turning over all their money to the Mafia.
Casinos are places where idiot people pour money into brightly lit noisy machines and masturbate while waiting to become instantly rich. Often, casino use is as addicting as any other type of crack.
Common fantasies at the casino include "doing" the cocktail waitress, blowing the blackjack dealer or being "shown a good time" by the sexy hotel clerk. None of this ever really happens, of course, but since "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and no one's stories can ever be verified, such tales of ribaldry abound.
The denizens of casinos tend to be whores, thieves and other dregs of society such as overweight families from the Midwestern United States dressed in matching polyester and dragging four or five screaming kids behind while "on vacation." These wankers, while commonly seen as prey by the locals of casino-hosting villages, are also the source of much of a casino population's wealth, so the "bleed them till they die" mentality hangs in careful balance with the "show them a good time" ethos.
If a normal person is confronted with a casino, normal human curiosity and thrill-seeking behavior, combined with the urge to "strike it rich" can be an overpowering force sucking the poor person into the maw of despair that is the casino floor. But strength can be found if one looks away from the epilepsy-inducing flashing lights long enough to notice the dry, shriveled husks of humanity inevitably attached to the slot machines.
Casinos are found all over the world:
- Las Vegas
- Wretched hive of scum and villainy. Don't let the commercials fool you. If everyone in Vegas was rich and beautiful then they wouldn't film so many episodes of "Cops" there. Vegas seems all cool until you get your drunk ass battered and rolled into a gutter by a couple of no-neck goombahs because you won a few too many hands at the tables.
- Atlantic City
- Indian Casinos
- Injun casinos are like the payback for smallpox blankets. Like Las Vegas except that the guidos have fucking tomahawks. Don't worry about losing, the tribal council will probably blow all that money on king-size bottles of Listerine anyways.
- Cruise ships
- A casino you can never, ever, ever leave...unless you jump overboard. This seems like a great idea after you lose your pension at the craps table.
- Europe
- Home of respected gambling establishments filled with hot and cold running pussy. Only James Bond can afford to gamble here.
Street Gambling
On top of straight-up cons, like Three Card Monte, played out for the white man's Jew gold on the bustling streets of most major cities, there are many popular games of chance played in dark alleyways and basements - including craps, cock fighting and fisticuffs - which are especially popular with broke, alcoholic blacks and Hispanics on parole.
Legal Gambling
The Lottery
Many cities, states and countries around the world have legalized gambling in the form of lotteries. These take place in various forms but are totally not evil like regular gambling since all the money that a bunch of glue factory workers from some crap town you never heard of doesn't win is supposed to go to schools or some shit.
Lottery winners are usually the scum of the earth. Even when they win millions of dollars they remain white trash, kind of like Eminem. Lottery winners also run into horrible fates with uncommon frequency:
- Rick Camat - won millions in the California lottery only to be shot to death by cops.
- Oscar Cordoba - stabbed his wife repeatedly and killed his mother in law.
- Michael Carroll - Went from garbageman to rich back to garbageman in record time.
- Gerald Muswagon - hung himself after spending all of his lottery winnings and being arrested twice.
- Iorworth Hoare - won the lottery while in jail for serial rape.
- Kevin Lee Sutton - shot some girl in the head with a .22.
Rotten Library article on Lottery Winners
Typical Lottery players when they win or lose
When you win you become fucking entitled and when you lose you're more fucking entitled Previous Video | Next Video |
Horse Racing
Horse racing takes place at large tracks populated by old people, hopeless alcoholics, the poor, and scared rich people who huddle away from the masses in private booths. Horse racing can be likened to yiffing in the sense that they both make you hate animals. The idea is to pick the horse and jockey (an old horse racing term that means "freakish midget") that come in first.
People at the track put all their faith and hope in losers with the worst odds, hoping that the noble beasts will break a streak of bad luck and make the gambler rich. Then the gambler drinks when the horse loses. The horse, now useless to their owner, is then shot. Either that or they bet for the unbeatable horses that are guaranteed to win. This makes them pennies at a time, barely enough to cover their astronomical bar tabs. The horses that win wear out faster, making them antiquated and useless before they normally would - working their way to the inenvitable broken bone and shotgun mouthwash.
So horse racing produces two things:
"OTB" betting parlors are places that allow you to watch horse races and bet on them without leaving the comfort of the bar.
Stock Market
Some people like to place all their faith in the stock market. In 2007, all teh players in the stock market were pwned. Some people place the stock market above their very own allah, which is actually more rational, considering that the real lord & savior is mr. raptor jesus. For some reason, people continue to play in the stock market game, they are usually douche bag hot-shots that are most probably very queer and love to take it in the pooper from other males.
Rock Paper Scissors
Scissors beats Rock because you can't cut Paper with a Rock.
Paper beats Scissors because when the Scissors is safely wrapped in Paper you can even run holding them. Even if you trip over a Rock.
Gambling tips and strategy guide to becoming a depressed, poor, and an hero
Encyclopedia Dramatica does not undertake any responsibility and/or liability for any losses and/or damages sustained by any person or persons using services on our site and we shall not be responsible and/or liable for any losses or damages due to any information or otherwise contained on this web site or through links, sponsors and email correspondence, whether due to inaccuracy, error, omission or bad judgment or any reason whatsoever. We do not take responsibility in any way regarding picks and predictions posted on this or any site, so if you lose your house, your wife leaves you, you end up on a street corner downtown, sucking dick for crack rock while you live behind a restaurant dumpster, it isn't Encyclopedia Dramatica's fault. If you feel you have complaints, comments, or wish to contact us, please see this page, where your issues will be resolved. We advise all viewers to use discretion when viewing our picks and predictions page. If you encounter gambling problems of any kind, please contact the gambling help authorities in your area. This website is NOT responsible for the losses of any of its users or traffic in general. The gambler is to be responsible for his or her activity and transactions online. It is the mere and sole purpose of the site to recommend gambling alternatives online, poke fun at them, and to display this information for entertainment purposes only. But you won't do that, sucker.
Most gambling addicts have no idea what the fuck they're doing and when to stop. Even professional gamblers make mistakes! This often makes them feel miserable, lose everything and even turn into an hero. These pro tips will help you make more money quickly than teachers and Mcdonald's workers in the USA!
- If you're in America winning the lotto expect a good chunk of your savings to be paid by taxes.
- When you run out of money borrow a chunk of money from someone =)
- Remember, always expect to lose, and if you lose money just deal with it BITCH
- Always expect bullshit rigging to happen 100% of the time.
- KNOW WHEN TO STOP and PLAY WITHIN YOUR LIMITS!!
- Bet how much your nut feels which is your life savings.
- Gamble!!!
- ???
- PROFIT!!!
How to troll Gamblers
- Tell them that gambling is not an INVESTMENT
- Say the casinos/online websites will always win and make you lose REGARDLESS.
- Tell them that gambling is worse than drug and alcohol ADDICTION
- Gambling is not cool and only makes you an entitled ego person
- Say that Gambling is for mentally ill people
See Also
- Pwnt
- Vegas
- Online Gambling
- Native Americans
- Dead-Pool
- Drunk
- Hookers and blow
- Russian Roulette
- Fap Roulette
- You just lost the Game
- Squid Game
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